If We Can't Break The Silence, How Can We Survive?

I was being awaken again by Liz for the third time this week. She was behind me with her hands on my shoulder, pulling my body forwards and backwards, shaking me a little more violently then she usually does. It wasn’t in a mean way, but more in a impatient sense.

“Frank, Frank! You have company, wake your ass up!”

And that I did when I heard her say those words. Company? Why would I have company, especially in the morning? I smiled in curiosity wondering who it might’ve been. The first and only thought that crossed my mind was that it was probably Gerard. He was, after all, the only friend I had. My heart was beating faster as I thought of the possibility, and I wanted nothing more than to run downstairs, but it would’ve been too obvious that I had heard what she said. She was now on her knees, jumping on my bed and pulling my body with even more force. I swatted her hand away and she finally stopped her antics. I sat upright on my bed, stretched, and rubbed my eyes until I couldn’t see blurry anymore. I looked at her and she had this big ‘ol smile plastered on her face. I looked at her weirdly and waited for her to say something ‘cause honestly, the way she was smiling at me was creeping me out. I raised my eyebrows up at her to ask what, and she nudged my arm with her fist.

“Gerard’s here,” she said in a sort of smug way as if she knew something was going on between us. I tried to hold back a smile but failed miserably as my lips curled up into a massive grin. I looked down and blushed feverishly, embarrassed that my dumb ass just totally gave myself away of liking Gerard. I mean, she didn’t even know that I was gay. It’s pretty awkward for her to find out right away that I like a guy. Not just any guy, but Gerard Way. He was popular and as far as everyone knew, straight. It would be hard to explain myself since I couldn’t talk to her, but I was hoping that she wouldn't’t be rough on the subject.

She laughed and put her hand on my shoulder, rubbing it comfortingly in a way to say not to worry or it’s okay or, something along those lines. I looked up at her, still blushing a little, but smiling at her gesture.

“So, gay huh?” she asked in an all knowing way. I smiled and nodded sheepishly, realizing that she’s the first person that I had actually admitted being gay to. Even though I was giving myself away to Gerard last night, I hadn’t actually confirmed that I was a homo, so technically, he didn’t count. I averted my eyes to hers and she looked as if she was thinking hard about something. Her brows furrowed in a thinking manner and she was biting her lip in some sort of concentration. She opened her mouth but didn’t say anything, still trying to figure out which way to word whatever it was that she was about to say or ask. She then looked back at me and hesitated to ask, “Is Gerard gay too?”

Shit. I really didn’t know what to say because I didn’t know if it was supposed to be secret or if he wanted anyone to know or…what. I was already lying enough as it is, and I didn’t want to lie to her anymore. Especially her. I thought about how to answer and realized that, even though Gerard came off as gay, he too didn’t actually admit to me that he was either. So since I didn’t know for a fact that he was gay, I couldn’t have said yes if I wasn’t sure about it. I shrugged my shoulders and twisted my hands to the side, saying that I had no idea.

“Ahhh, okay,” she said nodding her head in understanding. I nodded my head as well, for no reason actually, it was just a reflex instinct thing. Even though we were talking about Gerard, for a split second I forgot that he was here. I jumped out of my bed without even really realizing that I had did so, and it resulted in me losing my balance and slamming right into the door. I massaged my forehead and opened the door, ignoring Liz’s outburst of laughter, and making my way down the stairs. I didn’t see Gerard in the living room or anywhere else, so I walked into the kitchen.

I saw Gerard sitting on the stool at the counter, talking to Liz’s parents as they were both about to leave for work. All three of them noticed my presence and turned their attention towards me. The only person that I had paid attention to was Gerard. His face lit up as he saw me and he greeted me with a huge smile. I felt my heart thumping slightly faster as usual, and my whole body heated up. Being in the same room as him or just even seeing his face gave me this weird reaction towards him. I returned the smile back and waved at everyone in the kitchen. Liz’s parents smiled and said their good mornings to me while they were just about to leave the kitchen and head out the door.

“If you need anything Gerard, your welcome to get whatever you want out of the fridge or in the pantry. Goodbye boys,” Mrs. Johnson said as she left the house. I looked over at Gerard and walked towards him as he was getting up from the stool and making his way towards me as well. He wrapped his arms round me as he embraced me in a tight squeezing, meaningful hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him back with just as much of emotion. As I was breathing, I inhaled the scent of his hair and smiled brightly at the smell of strawberries. I had this infatuation with strawberries and usually went crazy and the sight, taste, and smell of them. After a few seconds later, we pulled apart and he said his good morning while still wearing that smile on his face. I nodded my head as to say good morning as well and out of nowhere, Gerard gasped.

“What happened to your forehead?” he asked in concern. I walked over to the mirror that was in the kitchen, and saw that I had a big red mark on my head. I pouted at myself ‘cause I probably looked ridiculous in front if Gerard and it was kind of embarrassing. I turned around and saw Liz standing in front of him with a smirk on her face.

“He ran into the door,” she said as she chuckled. Gerard gave me an ‘are you serious’ look and I looked at Liz, sending her a playful glare. I blushed and she realized how uncomfortable I was so she quickly changed the subject.

“Umm, shouldn't’t you be getting ready for school?” she asked as she looked me in the eye. I turned to look at the stove or the microwave to give me the time and my eyes widened as I saw how late it was. I whipped around a ran up the stairs, going into the restroom and turning on the shower. I didn’t have time to excuse myself so I was hoping that Gerard didn’t find what I did, rude.

I was on the go as I was in there. I was scrubbing my body insanely fast, as I was squirted shampoo in my hair with my available hand. I was done being occupied with my other hand, and scrubbed my scalp furiously, lathering up my hair so the smell can stay in. Coconut was the type of shampoo and conditioner that I used. The smell was so exotic, it gave me a nose-gasm. It was almost as orgasmic as the smell of strawberries. Almost.

As I was done with shampooing my hair, I put conditioner in it which didn’t take long at all since I didn’t have that much hair, and it was pretty much healthy and untangled. I was done with my shower in under five minutes, which gave me about thirty more minutes to get ready. I know this week took me about ten minutes to get ready, but I hadn’t taken a shower yesterday and, I kind of wanted to impress Gerard. I wanted to actually fix my hair and dress up nice. Well, not nice but a little more…attractive-ish, if you catch my drift.

I grabbed a towel from the cabinets and dried my body, while looking for the blow-dryer and the flat iron. I plugged them in when I found ‘em and towel dried my hair before I used the hair dryer. I used the device until my hair was dry enough, and I turned on the straightener. I decided to get dressed as I was waiting for it to heat up, so I went into my room and looked through my clothes. I chose a pair of black skinny jeans that were skin-tight and low-rise, so they hugged my hips and practically revealed all of my lower back. I had cut them up to where they came up to my knees, so now they morphed into shorts. The shirt I picked out looked skin-tight, but it was actually very snug and comfortable. It was a dark gray V-neck, long sleeve shirt that was originally designed for a chick, so it rose up in the back and fitted me weirdly. I grabbed the clothes and went to the restroom right on time as the iron beeped. I straightened out the front first, making my bangs, and the sides of the front longer. I then straightened out the back and the sides, which weren’t really long, but not that short either. I grabbed the gel and ran it through my hair at the sides and back. It was spiked up but not overly done like those stupid emo wanna-bees. It actually looked very good. I was then done with my hair so I brushed my teeth. After I was done with that, I put on my clothes. If you were to see me from the back, you’d think that I was a chick with really short hair. I had a very girlish figure that I’m not even sure if that was a good or bad thing. I had curves at my hips and a plump little butt. I had a nice ass, if I do say so myself.

Even though I very much do have hair on my legs and body, I looked hairless. I didn’t have a lot though and my hair was very light, so you could barley see it at all. You’d think that I haven’t hit puberty yet but if you were to see a certain part of me, you’d think otherwise. As I looked myself in the mirror, I was satisfied with my work and thought that I looked totally bang-able. Not that I wanted to have sex, but if I wanted to, I’d so do me. I had to say, that if I were a chick, I’d really look like a slut right now. Even as a dude, I thought I kind of look slutty-ish, if it were possible for a guy to even look like a slut. To finish off everything, I put on some lip balm that kind of gave off some shine from my lips. Now I was finally ready for school.

I walked down the stairs and saw Liz and Gerard sitting on the living room couch talking. My heart started to beat a little faster again as I had seen him. This guy did incredible things to me that he didn’t even know he was doing.

They both looked up at me as they noticed me walk in. Their eyes widened at the sight of me and Gerard’s jaw dropped. Liz looked surprised, but she smirked at the same time. I looked down and blushed a little as I wasn’t used to having all eyes on me, even if it was only two people.

“Whoa,” Gerard said, well more like whispered. He was, as you can see, speechless. I took that as a good thing and inwardly smiled to myself for accomplishing my goal.

“Dayyyyum Franklin, look at you! You look like fucking sex on legs! I'd tap that,” Liz exclaimed. I tried so hard not to laugh at her comment and succeeded. I looked up after a few seconds necessary, and looked at Gerard who was still gawking at me. I shifted from leg to leg uncomfortably, hoping that he would notice. He did, as he shook his head and said sorry. I smiled at him and walked over to the coat hanger which held my book bag.

Gerard and Liz both stood up as we were all gonna leave for school. I went into the kitchen to grab some pop tarts since I didn’t have breakfast and walked back into the living room where they were talking about the transportations to school.

“Nah, Vic is coming over to pick me up. Thanks for the offer though, and thanks for taking Frank,” Liz said after Gerard had asked her if she needed a lift to school.

“Oh, okay. See you at school then. Bye, bye,”

Gerard walked over to the door and opened it, waiting for me so he could close it after we walked out. As I was walking down the path to the driveway, I can actually feel him staring hard at me. I tuned around and stopped walking so he can catch up and saw that he was…oh my god, he was looking at my ass! He looked up at me and blushed furiously as I smirked at him. I turned around and continued walking to the car as I heard Gerard say, “Damn Frank, you look so fucking gorgeous right now.” My heart leaped at his words and I smiled to myself. I cant believe he found me attractive!

I was now standing by the car door waiting for him to unlock it. We both got in and pulled out of the driveway, Gerard turning on the radio as Stutterfly, once again, was playing. This time though, Formula Of Flesh was on. We both looked at each other at the same time, and we smiled to one another. Did I mention how cute Gerard looked in his letterman jacket?