Smoking Cigarettes

“What’s wrong Aiden? You haven’t been yourself lately.”

I could hear Addison loud and clear, but my brain couldn’t register what he was saying. It had been a week since Sin had informed me that I was a mistake. That’s all I seem to be able to think about. How he glared at me, how he just did a 180 on me, how he yelled at me, it’s the only thing I can think of.

I wanted to know what I did wrong. What did I do to make him so mad?

“It’s nothing,” I spoke, but my voice sounded dead.

“Bull shit,” Drew snapped. “Something happened between you and Sin. We’re not stupid!”

“Don’t yell at him,” Addison ordered before scooting closer to me. I felt his small arm go around me as he pulled me against his side. “What happened Aiden? We noticed you two avoiding each other and-“

“That Sin has been a bigger asshole,” I finished for him. My grip tightened on the plastic spoon in my hand. “That he’s been glaring at me like a fucking piece of shit that got stuck on the bottom of his perfect little shoe. Yeah, I know what you two have noticed.”

Drew and Addison were silent. I have been interrupting and snapping at people a lot lately. I’m guessing Sin’s foul moods have finally rubbed off on me. I sigh before excusing myself. I just wanted to be alone for once in my life. I wanted away from my friends who had no idea how to comfort me.

Although I was in the cafeteria I felt completely alone. Although everyone was talking rather loudly I felt like I was stuck in a world of silence. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so happy anymore. I didn’t feel like running, jumping, screaming, smiling, or laughing. All I wanted to do was stay at home, hide in my covers, and pretend that nothing else but myself exists. That way I won’t get hurt.

The hall way was deserted, silent. It allowed my thoughts to run wild, free.

It was a mistake. We were a mistake. I was a mistake. I wonder what else I was to him? Maybe that’s it though. Maybe I am just a mistake. Nothing more than something that he wished he wouldn’t have been burdened with. Nothing more than something that he just wanted to get rid of. I was just a mistake, that’s it, nothing more, nothing less, although I don’t feel that I can become anything less then that.

I sighed as I remembered the incident of last week. After that Sin had stopped hanging out with me, talking to me, acknowledging me. Hell, he didn’t even try to stop Vince from talking to me two days ago and I feel horrible for admitting this, but I actually kind of wanted him to.

That’s not the worst part though. Everyday I come to school I see him there, outside leaning against the wall with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. Marks always littered his neck and his hair was always thrown about his head, messed up like he just got done having sex with someone who I didn’t know, someone that wasn’t me, someone that wasn’t a mistake.

It hurt. It felt like a knife was being plunged into my chest and that Sin was the one doing it, laughing as he did so. I’d always try to shrug it off though, but never actually succeeded.

I didn’t watch where I was going and my consequence of not knowing where I’m going is me turning the corner to run into the one boy that not only broke my heart, but shattered it and left it there to rot in it’s confusion.

I squeaked as we hit and I started falling backwards. This is where most of you think, oh my God Sin is going to catch him and they’re going to make up. Ha! Well that doesn’t happen. Actually I fall right back and smash my head against the floor and all Sin does is snicker at me, “Dumb ass.”

And he walks away.

I pushed myself to sit up. I know I shouldn’t, really I should just get up and walk away, but I…I was just so mad. I could feel the anger boiling, just wanting to explode inside my stomach and it was all Sin’s fault.

So instead of what I should have done, get up and walk away, I got up and ran at Sin. He must have heard me coming because he turned around just in time for me to tackle him to the ground. Both of us fell back, Sin hitting the ground and cushioning my fall.

He had no time to speak though as I did what I wanted to do for the past week. I brought my fist back and punched him as hard as I could. Sin cursed loudly as my fist made contact with his nose. Sin easily grabbed my fist, and flipped us over.

I don’t know what I was screaming, how long I was screaming it, or if I was making sense. All I know is that I was screaming at him, something along the lines of how he has anger problems, he’s like a woman on their period, and he’s a cold-hearted bastard.

Sin said and did nothing though. He just sat between my legs, one hand holding my fist while the other held my other hand probably to make sure I didn’t try punching him again.

By the time I finished yelling my throat was sore and my eyes burned from the tears I didn’t even know I was shedding. I blinked a few times, my sight blurry from the water in my eyes. Above me Sin stared down at me with emotionless eyes.

I guess I was stupid for thinking that he’d actually do something after this…I’ve been saying it all along, haven’t I? He’s nothing more than a heartless, useless bastard. He only cares about himself and no one else. I was just a mistake to him, a toy for him to mess with.

Sin just got up from his spot on the floor. I stayed limp on the ground as Sin spoke coldly, “Try that again and I will hurt you.”

And with that said he walked away, leaving me there to be found by Addison and Drew after lunch.

~

I sat on my bed, my head buried in the pillows and legs tangled in my blankets. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks as I thought about it again. I told myself not to think about him. I’ve been telling myself just to forget about him and what happened…but I can’t. I feel like such shit!

I just wanted to know why I was a mistake. I mean…Sin said so himself, he was letting me in. So how is that a mistake? Did I do something wrong? I can’t think of anything that could have set him off. I know I’m annoying and he thinks I’m an idiot but…that isn’t the reason, is it?

I sigh before holding Big Dog closer to me. I felt my eyelids beginning to fall, which is strange because I haven’t slept correctly this past week. I glanced towards my alarm clock, which read 1 AM. It was late, I smiled softly as sleep began to take me over for what felt like the first time in the last weeks.

Ring…Ring…

I growled as my phone rang. I don’t’ know what time it is or who was calling but answered it anyways, “Who the hell is t-“

“Aiden,” a familiar voice slurred. “Hey, I need a ride um…er…uh…can you come get me?”

“Sin?” Saying I was shocked would be an understatement. What the hell is he calling me for? I’m nothing to him. Why does he even still have my number?

“Mhm.”

“Uh…y-yeah where are you?” I ask as I push myself to sit up. I only had my permit, but Sin needed a ride so I was going to give him one. I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t because he’s a complete ass and I hate him but…I can’t say no.

Sin told me where he was at and I grabbed my parents’ keys. They would kill me if they found out I drove their car without a license, but hey I know how to drive! I can do it!