Smoking Cigarettes

Everything felt like it was crashing down around me. For once in my life I really felt dead. I couldn’t even force on a smile. I couldn’t even fake a laugh or anything…my insides just felt crushed, twisted, fucked up, dead. It was a horrible feeling. A horrible feeling that Sin caused.

Sin that bastard…

Addison held me in his arms. He kept whispering reassuring things into my ear, but I couldn’t hear him or maybe it was I chose not to hear him? Because right now all I wanted was to be held by one person. One very stupid, ignorant, bastard that I never want to talk to again, but I want him so bad. Does that make sense?

I shook my head as the tears rolled down my face. I felt Addison use his thumb to wipe them away. Before he pulled his hand away though I wrapped my fingers around his wrist.

Addison staid silent as I thought over what I wanted to say. Once I knew what I wanted to ask I looked up at him with my bloodshot eyes and asked in probably the weakest tone I’ve ever used, “D-Does it m-make me a b-b-bad person for l-letting him?”

Addison frowned before answering, “No, it doesn’t.”

And I started bawling all over again and I bet you’re confused huh? Not that I’m surprised since you’re about an hour and a half early. So lets start where we left off huh? When I was on my way to pick up Sin.

Somehow I managed to get to the party. It was booming. The lights were on and the dark figures on the inside were going wild. There were screams, loud music, and the sound of things breaking. Saying that it was crazy as hell would be an understatement.

I laughed as I watched a girl trip and fall into a bucket of ice. Stupid drunk people…

After that I went looking for Sin. It’s kind of hard when so many people were here, but somehow I spotted him out of the crowd. He was sitting on a step with his head lying against a pole. I shook my head before running up to him and grabbing his arm.

“Sin,” I shout over the music, which isn’t hard for me. I think everyone knows that I have a nice set of lungs. Ha, ha! “Get your fat ass up!”

He groaned before looking up at me. I watched as his glazed over eyes looked me over and when I say “looked me over” I don’t mean it in an innocent way. I mean he looked at me like a piece of meat that he was about to devour for dinner. The look made me shiver, but I pushed that into the back of my mind as I tugged on his arm. “Lets go you fatty I want to go home and sleep!”

It happened so fast I had no idea what was going on until Sin’s breath hit my neck when he slurred, “Mm you look good today Aiden.”

I blinked and realized that somehow Sin had managed to pull me down into his lap. Not that I mind being in his lap or anything, but he’s drunk and didn’t he say everything we did was a mistake? That means he doesn’t want it to happen again so why the hell is he sucking my neck like a fucking mosquito!

Not saying that it doesn’t feel amazing.

I pressed my hands against Sin’s chest before yelling, “Stop it Sin and lets go ok!”

Sin was stubborn and shook his head before moving from my neck to my lips. My eyes widened considerably as he licked at my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I wasn’t sure what to do. Let him in or not? He didn’t let me decide though because he easily slipped it in, massaging every part of my mouth in ways that made my body just melt into his.

I felt his hand moving up my thigh and that’s when I realized that we couldn’t do this. I mean he was drunk! Again I pressed my hands against his chest and pulled away, panting like I just ran a marathon. Sin looked pissed especially when I got off his lap.

“S-Stop, w-we can’t ok! L-Lets just go.” I never stutter. Stuttering isn’t my thing but the look in Sin’s eyes and the way his hand rubbed my thigh made me shiver.

Sin stood up then and I wasn’t sure to be frightened or excited. It’d be a complete lie to say that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy making out with him, but I knew doing it now wouldn’t be right. Sadly, Sin thought it was perfectly fine.

The boy wrapped his arms around me before picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. I squeaked and started punching his back while demanding he put me down, which he ended up doing only it was on a bed in an unfamiliar room.

I felt my jeans get tighter as Sin crawled over me. It was like a game of cat and mouse. I being the mouse and he the cat. In other words, I felt screwed.

I took in deep shaky breaths as I tried to tell him that we couldn’t do this and had to stop, but when a demanding Sin is touching you in the hottest of places and ravishing your neck with bites your brain kind of turns to mush and anything logical just disappears.

As much as I knew we had to stop I just couldn’t…

I can still feel it, the possessive kisses he gave, the lips, teeth, and tongue against my neck. I can still feel his hands, roaming, touching, feeling, and groping anything and everything they could. I can still feel him breathing against my stomach, my thighs, my neck, everywhere. The hot breath was still there along with the smell of alcohol. It was taunting me and just driving me into the ground.

I could still hear the sounds, the sounds of our breathing, panting, the screams and the moans. It was all circling in my mind telling me what I did was stupid and I’d regret it later.

I shook my head as the tears came down faster as I realized what I had let him do. He was drunk. I was sober. I could have stopped it. I could have done something to keep him from doing something that he’ll regret later, if he even remembers it.

He said what we did before was a mistake. What would he say if he found out what we did now?

Addison ran his fingers through my hair forcing me from my thoughts. I whimpered as I cuddled into his chest, wincing at the pain that shot up through my spine.

I couldn’t believe that I let that drunken bastard, who I love and hate at the same time, take my virginity at some stupid party.

How stupid can I get?