Smoking Cigarettes

“Hey sweetie how was your first day of school?”

“I met the grim reaper.”

“Huh?”

“The grim reaper, the freak, the taker of life, death itself, I met him.”

My mother gave me a look that clearly stated how insane she thought I was. The thing was, I was being completely serious. My face was stone hard and serious. I meant that. I really did meet death himself but as expected she didn’t believe me.

“Um…there is no such thing as the grim reaper, Aiden.”

“Yes there is!” I shout, placing both hands on my hips. It was a girl stance I understand that, but if you haven’t noticed I’m rather feminine. “I know there is, because I met him today! I was scared for my life here so…can I be home schooled again?”

“No.”

“But mommy!” I reach for the one who gave me life but she ignores me. Bitch!

“Not buts.”

“But mommy I’m gay, I love butts.”

“Aiden!”

I laugh then go running for my life. Of course mommy doesn’t mind that I’m gay, but she still doesn’t like how I’m perverted. Aw well, blame daddy I got it from him and there’s nothing we can do to change that. It’s encoded into my DNA and I’m pretty sure it’s bad to mess around with a humans DNA.

I could like…grow another head or something like…on my tit or something. That would be really gross…really gross. But I bet there would be someone out there with a strange fetish who would adore me and my mutant ways!

I skip up the stairs of my home to enter my bright room. Each wall, including the ceiling and floor, was a different color. My bedspread was neon purple and the pillows were rainbow. I had stuffed animals, clothes, and many other random things thrown about my room. Because I’m cool like that.

It was like every other boys room except extremely colorful and gay looking. That’s just how I roll though!

I throw my book bag and school things on my bed then jump next to it. I frown at the text books I had to bring home. Stupid homework, they shouldn’t even have homework! School is where you’re supposed to work. Home is where you’re supposed to relax damn it! I hate teachers’…stupid son of a bitches, do they think we sit around at home and masturbate to their god damn teachings?

“Aiden, stop talking about masturbating!” My mother shouts from outside my door.

I giggle, “Whoops did I say that out loud?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, well I like to masturbate.”

“Aiden.”

“I’m a growing boy mommy! It’s either sex or masturbation, pick one!”

“You’re so…” My mother stopped there.

“Strange, weird, immature, childish, and completely fucking awesome.”

“All but the last one.”

“Mommy!” I whine and she laughs then tells me dinner is done I grumble about good for nothing mothers prior to getting up and running down stairs to fill up my tummy with goodies.

After I was done eating I took a shower and did my homework, which was hard because I kept getting distracted by every single thing. It took me about six hours to finish two pages of work. Yep, short attention span people! Very short. I’m like a gold fish. They have short attention spans right?

The next day I had to ride the bus to school. I frown at the big yellow demon coming up to my spot. Its mouth opens and I just about faint when the stinky smell of its insides hit my nostrils. Taking in a deep breath of healthy, clean air I take a step into the mouth and walk inside.

All its food stare up at me. I whine and quickly run back to jump in Addison’s lap. The blonde squeaks during my cries, “It ate me! The yellow demon ate me.”

“You m-mean the bus?” Addison asks a bit confused. I nod to confirm his answer. “It’s not a demon though…”

“Yes it is!” I shout, quickly pulling away from the non-believer. How dare he not believe what I say! I am always right! “It is a demon from hell that comes to pick us up and drive us back to its evil lair where it tortures us for an entire eight hours.”

“Aiden, did your mom give you sugar this morning?”

I pout. “No, why?”

“Drop you on your head?”

I would have answered but something burning hits my nostrils. It felt as if fire had somehow managed to make its way up my nose. The smell causes me to wrinkle it up in distaste and I cough. Grimacing, I quickly place my hand over my nose. What the hell is that? It burns! It burns!

“What is that?” I ask. I look around the inside of the monster to try and find the culprit. Like a very awesome detective I look up to see smoke and follow it back, back, back until I notice familiar discolored eyes.

“You!” I shout, my lungs begin to burn more. I jump to my feet and run to the back of the monsters gut. “You’re smoking on the bus, what the hell?”

Sin gives me one of those why-the-hell-are-you-talking-to-me-get-the-fuck-away-looks then says, “Yeah, I’m smoking…your point?”

“It burns my lungs! It is killing me you dickhead! Besides everyone knows that grim reapers kill their prey with scythes not cigarette smoke!” I scream. Isn’t a grim reaper supposed to know these things? Shouldn’t it be in the job description? Someone in hell is obviously slacking. I make a grab at the cigarette.

Dickhead is evil though and doesn’t play fair. He held it above his head where I couldn’t reach. I stood up and he stood up. I growl and try jumping for it.

“You asshole!” I scream still trying to reach it. “At least open your window! I’m dying here.”

It pisses me off more that he’s actually smirking. What the fucking hell is his problem? Dude, I’m so killing him. Screw not messing around with death. I am totally killing death! Is that possible? I don’t know, but if it isn’t I’ll make it be!

“Get lost,” Sin speaks, pressing the cancer stick between his lips. This asshole is messing with my head. He smirks and continues smoking the damn thing.

Oh this asshole is so getting raped up the ass with a chainsaw.