Listen to Your Heart

“You’re what!?!” I screamed getting up from the hammock. I had shock written all over my face, was I hearing things?

He got up and bit his lip nervously. “We’re going on tour.”

“When,” I asked closing my eyes shut.

“I—uh,” He stuttered avoiding eye contact with me.

I grabbed his face pulling towards me causing him to stare straight into my fiery eyes.

“When do you go on tour?” I snapped losing my patients.

“Tomorrow night,” He mumbled quietly. I started to back up shaking my head. More and more tears cascaded down my face, I didn’t give a fuck how my make-up looked—this was too much.

I started to run into the house shoving my way through everyone. I didn’t know who or where to go to so I booked it to the front yard collapsing onto the grass. Burying my face into the palms of my hands, John approached from behind crouching down.

“Annie,” He sighed resting a hand on my shoulder.

“Get the fuck away from me!” I spat, shoving his hand away from.

He shook his head and scoffed. “What is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me!?!” I growled. “I just found out that my fucking boyfriend is leaving on tour tomorrow night while I’m fucking 9 months pregnant!”

“I still don’t see what the problem is! You’re going on tour with us anyways!”

I scoffed and got up from the ground. “Yeah there’s the other problem, every thought to consider me in your decision whether i want to go with you?” He stared blankly, “Yeah I didn’t fucking think so.”

“You’re a fucking selfish bitch! Why can’t you go along with it and take one for the team!?! Why do things have to be your way or no way?” He yelled clenching his hands into a fist. “Have you ever thought of anyone but yourself?”

“Too fucking bad, I guess I’m not a team player! Have you ever taken the time to think about the shit I’m going through!?! You fucking want me to go on tour, sitting a fucking stinky ass van with 5 sweaty ass motherfuckers, cramped in a corner, not taking showers for days, while pregnant!?!” I rhetorically asked clenching my jaws. “There’s no way in fucking hell am I going to give birth in that fucking van!”

“No one said you’re gonna have the baby in the van! I just want you to go on tour with us, is that too much to ask of you?”

I closed my eyes clenching my jaws shut, all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and not come out.

“I guess it is,” I said regaining my temper, getting into my car.

“Annie—“ I slammed the door shut.

I shook my head turning on the engine, I flipped him off and sped home. In less than 10 minutes I was home in my driveway resting my head on the steering wheel. Could my night get any shittier?

“Clunk, clunk, clunk.” Someone was knocking on my window. I slowly raised my head to be faced to face with him. Only a thin piece of glass was separating us. I spoke too soon.

“Oh my God,” I mumbled. I gripping the steering wheel, not knowing what to do. He motioned me to roll down my window, which I did hesitantly.

“Hey,” He said shyly rubbing the back of his head.

I swallowed the knot in my throat and spoke up. “Hey,”

“How’ve you been?” He asked nonchalantly.

“What are you doing here?!?” I blurted out without thinking. “Shit, I mean great, how are you?”

He laughed and continued rubbing the back of his head. “Great, and uh—I was just passing though the neighborhood when I saw you. Just thought I’d swing by and say hi…so hi.”

I nodded staring at the night sky not knowing what to do. It was hard not breaking down in front him, but I kept myself together.

“Um, are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying.” He asked stating the obvious.

Looking away I answered, “Why would you care?”

I could feel the thick tension in the air, I’m sure I wasn’t the only one. He shifted his keeping a steady look at me.

“Look, I get it if you’re still mad—“

“Who said I’m still mad?” I scoffed.

“Well, the way you’re speaking to me it kinda seems like you are.” He said calmly. “I’m sorry okay? I don’t expect you to forgive me. But I’m genuinely sorry for what I did to you—us. I’m sorry for cheating, I’m sorry for breaking up with you, I’m sorry for not being the boyfriend you deserved.” I bit my lip keeping in the tears, I’ve cried enough tonight but I doubt I could hold it in any longer. “I really did love you Annie.”

“I’d be a hypocrite if I stayed made at you, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love you too.” I sighed getting out of the car. “As you could tell, I know what position you were in.”

At first he was confused, his face all scrunched up. But then he looked down at my stomach flabbergasted.

“Holy shit!” He gasped backing up. “Holy moly—no way.”

“Way, I’m—“

“You’re—“

“Pregnant,” I finished off resting a hand on my stomach.

“Wow,” He said simply, seemingly amazed. “Just wow.”

“I know how Natalie feels now,” I sighed.

We both stood there in awkward silence, I stared at the ground while she stared at my belly. Finally he broke the silence.

“Who new, little miss innocent Annie had it in her.” He teased giving me a nudge.

“Yeah, who knew I was capable of being a home wrecker.” He just nodded not knowing what to say.

“Well um—I probably should get going now.” He said giving me an awkward hug. “It was nice seeing you again Annie, really.”

“Yeah it really is, tell Natalie I said hi. And I wish you guys the best, along goes to little Chelsea.”

“Best luck to you too, hope all goes well for you and John’s baby!” He said walking away slowly.

“Wait how do you—"

“Night Annie,”

I sighed as he drifted away into the night. All I could think about was what if we were still together. Would any of this be happening right now? Would I be here, standing in the middle of my drive-way balling my eyes out over my boyfriend that’s leaving for tour? Running into an ex-boyfriend who I maybe am not over? But the real question is…would I be pregnant?
I locked my car and slugged towards the house. I was a mess and all I wanted was to burry myself in mounds of pillows, not wanting to wake-up and deal with life.

Slipping off my shoes, I practically crawled upstairs not bothering to change. I collapsed onto the bed trying to forget everything that happened tonight.

My mind was occupied, my heart was racing, my head was spinning, and my eyes were heavy. The last thing I remember at the moment was, “Good night Isaiah.”