Dark Blue

Garrett

"Are you okay?"

I hadn't been back for more than two seconds before Pat was interrogating me. In a way, it seemed strange to me; this wasn't like it normally was. Every single time the guys had asked me this question since the accident, I forced a 'fine' and that was that. I had grown accustomed to the numbness that had taken over my body when Sage died.

But what I was feeling now, it was different.

"I don't know," I answered honestly, shrugging my shoulders and plopping down on the couch next to him. I could feel his eyes searching mine as I stared blankly up at the ceiling, trying to sort through everything that had happened in the past few hours. He rubbed the back of his neck, his long hair twitching slightly with the movement.

"What happened? Everything seemed fine when you left," he said slowly. The air gushed from my lungs in a sigh, and Pat raised his eyebrows. I closed my eyes tightly and offered a subtle shake of my head.

"I kissed her."

"You what?" he questioned excitedly, and my eyelids shot open so I could properly glare at him. He lowered his voice and glanced at the still closed door. "Sorry. But are you for real?"

"No," I replied dryly. "I just made it up for kicks."

"No need for the sarcasm," he shot back. "But seriously, what happened? Did she kiss you back? Or slap you? C'mon Nickelsen, spill your guts."

"When did you turn into such a gossip?" I countered, and he smacked me over the head with a throw pillow. I opened my mouth to protest, but he beat me to the punch.

"I'm just curious. I mean, you started the conversation not me."

"Well," I started, my mind traveling to her lips against mine and the way her skin set mine on fire. "I don't know. She sorta kissed me, too."

"Okay, sorta? How do you 'sorta' kiss someone? I mean, a kiss, that's pretty straightforward..."

"Shut up," I grumbled. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, but Pat didn't seem to notice. "Like, she didn't stop me at first. But then she did, and it got weird, and she rambled on and said we'd talk later. Then she left."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

The quietness seeped over us for a few moments, and I mentally kicked myself every single time I thought about the way the night ended. Pat seemed deep in thought beside me, and I buried my face in my hands. God, I was such an idiot sometimes.

Suddenly, I felt the stupid pillow come back into contact with the back of my head, and I swore loudly. Even though the impact didn't hurt, I jumped in surprise and leered at Pat, who was returning my gaze with disappointment.

"What the hell were you doing, letting her just waltz away after you kissed her?" he asked, and I sat there with my mouth hanging open like a moron. I couldn't tell if he was being serious or not, but as the seconds passed without him speaking, I realized he expected an answer from me.

"I... I don't know?" I said hesitantly, and he grumbled to himself under his breath and shook his head at me.

"Okay, you just kissing her out of the blue, that is something you need to talk about! Sure, having that conversation, it is going to change things, and it's scary, and there is no way to control the outcome, but you have to talk to her about it. Even if it you think maybe she's something special to you. Especially if she's something special to you!" he stressed, and I was quiet as his words sunk deep into my skull.

"I know," I mumbled reluctantly, running my fingers through my shaggy hair. "I just don't want things to be weird like this. Talking to Val has given me hope that maybe there's a light at the end of this hell-hole of a tunnel. I don't want to lose her in my life."

"No offense bro, but if you didn't want to make things weird, you probably shouldn't have kissed her in the first place."

My eyes darted from their spot on the carpet and my lips pursed into something that felt like a snarl. He held his hands up defensively, but couldn't wipe the smirk from his face. We stared at each other for a few more moments before I sighed and rested my head in my hands.

"Sorry, I couldn't help it," he apologized, and I rubbed my eyes.

"It's fine, you're right."

"I am?" I tilted my head to look at him, and he coughed awkwardly. "I mean, of course I am. I'm just surprised you think so."

"Me too. Who would have thought I'd be getting relationship advice from you?"

"Relationship advice, huh?" he retorted quickly, and I groaned.

"You know what I mean. We're friends."

"Friends don't kiss friends."

"Not true! It happens, I mean, people give friendly kisses," I said defensively. He snorted and raised his eyebrows at me.

"Oh, okay. So you're telling me that you were just giving her a friendly kiss goodnight? Look me in the eyes and honestly, tell me that," Pat said, watching me expectantly. I opened and closed my mouth a few times before standing up.

"I'm going to bed," I announced finally, my back to him as he laughed from his spot on the couch.

"See, I'm right! You're just angry 'cause you know you can't avoid this forever," he called after me, to which I responded to by raising my middle finger at him.

"Goodnight," I added, before completely leaving, his chuckles trailing me all the way to my bed.

~*~

My hands felt clammy as I rang the doorbell of the Jacksons' house. I bounced back and forth on my feet, and every second the doorbell went unanswered felt like an eternity. Finally, the burgundy door swung open to reveal Mrs. Jackson's smiling face. I hadn't seen her since right after the accident. Her face looked older than it had just a year ago, and she looked almost exhausted. It reminded me a lot of how my mom looked every single time I saw her.

There was a difference though. Mrs. Jackson still had the ability to smile, and the spark of life was still in her eyes. Most of the time, my mom looked completely hopeless these days.

"Garrett, what a nice surprise," she said sweetly, and I smiled uncomfortably.

"Hi Mrs. J. I was just, uh, wondering if Valentine was here," I explained, as if she didn't already realize that. She her smile became more defined, and she looked over her shoulder towards the stairs.

"Yeah, hold on. Would you like to come in while I get her?" she inquired, and I shrugged, feeling my face heat up. Had I always been this awkward around her parents? I didn't think so, but all of my memories seemed so foggy.

"I can wait here," I assured her softly. She left the door open a crack, and I heard muted footsteps around the house.
I inspected the paint on the house and every last detail in the doormat before finally, I heard clumsy steps trampling down the stairs. I smiled a little, and then cringed remembering how I had left her last night. I held my breath as the door opened up again, and her small figure appeared in the doorway.

"Hey," she whispered, sounding like she had just woken up.

Her hair was in a loose, crooked ponytail on the crown of her head, and she wasn't wearing a speck of makeup. Her usually hidden scars were a dull red and still not completely healed, crossing gently along her forehead and cheekbone. She shifted her weight on her bare feet as I stood there wordlessly, her legs bare aside from a pair of navy cotton shorts. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and an over-sized gray sweater looked like it was drowning her.

Her usually guarded silver eyes were heavy with sleep and her vulnerability seeped through them and sent a pang through me. In that moment, all of her defenses and masks were gone, and she was beautiful. My breath caught in my throat as she tilted her head at me, a few pieces of her coffee-colored hair falling in front of her face.

"I wanted to talk to you about last night," I said finally, my throat suddenly dry. She nodded, looking down at her toes. I was praying she would say something, anything, and not send me away.

"Yeah," she breathed out finally, looking at me and then towards the sky, chuckling humorously. "I figured."

"I have no idea what came over me, I just, I don't know," I rambled, and she nodded wordlessly. "Everything about the night was so emotional and confusing and you've been the one pulling me through this whole thing and I just-"

"Gare," she interrupted softly, a small smile on her lips as she finally met my eyes. "It's okay. It's honestly okay."

"It is?" I asked weakly, and she nodded. "I just really don't want to mess things up with you."

"What?"

"It's just, when Sage died, I thought I would never be happy ever again. And then you pulled me from the abyss and saved me, and you're the closest thing to happiness that I've had since she left."

"Oh," she said, an odd tone in her voice.

"Oh?" I repeated nervously, gauging her expression.

"It's just," she started, pushing the stray hairs behind her ear. "I get it, exactly what you're saying. She was my best friend, and then she was gone, and I thought I had no one. And then you came along. I lost her, and I don't want to lose you, too."

Her voice broke and her eyes flooded with glassy tears. I pulled her close to me, the very sight just breaking my heart all over again. She wrapped her arms around my torso and fell effortlessly into me, and I held her tightly.

"You aren't going to lose me," I promised, rubbing her back as she cried silently into my chest. "I'm not going anywhere."

She looked up at me, tears streaming down her face, and her lips twisted into a small grin. "You are literally leaving in a few hours and heading somewhere across the states."

"Well, you didn't have to take me so literally," I retorted, and she buried her head into my shirt, suppressing giggles. "Okay, so I might not literally be here, but I will always be just a phone call or text away. And I will always come back. Better?"

"Much," she approved, pulling away from me and brushing the tears from her cheeks.

"So, are we okay?" I asked in a small voice, and she nodded.

"Yeah," she murmured, sniffling a bit. "We're good."