The Bucket List

Garrett didn't know how it happened. He just woke up in his hotel room to his phone ringing from a number he didn’t recognise, and cautiously he answered it wondering if Piper had started handing out his number again to his ‘admirers’.

"Hello?" He answered his voice still groggy from sleep.

"Is this Garrett?" A male voice rang through the phone, laced with worry and urgency.

"Ye-"

"Good, you know my sister Grace, right? Well she’s in the hospital and I knew she’d want you to be here, so can you get down here?" As soon as Grace's brother finished Garrett could feel his world falling apart.

He couldn't believe she was in the hospital, it had only been five days since he last saw her and she was fine, they must have the wrong Grace.

"Y-yeah course I'll come down, I'm on the road at the moment but I’ll try and get there now" he began his voice cracking as he jumped off his bed, flinging his belongings into his open suitcase. "How bad is it?" He almost whispered unsure if he actually wanted to know.

"Not good" her brother replied sadly mumbling that he would text Garrett the hospital information and let his know if things changed.

In a couple of minutes he had most of his things packed, looking around the room now only realizing he had no idea how to get back to where Grace was.

Garrett headed to John’s side of the room, kicking around a pile of his dirty laundry before he spotted John's laptop under his bed; quietly he took it, moving to sit on his bed as he waited for if to load.

It was only as the plan formulated in his head, the idea of using his parent’s credit card they gave him in case of an emergency and he bought the first ticket to her, only realising then that Bailey should know.

He headed over to her, looking at her as she slept peacefully curled around John unaware of what was going on in her family, he leant forward one hand gently touching her shoulder shaking her slightly awake.

Bailey looked at him groggily, reaching a hand to wipe at her eye as he grabbed her hand pulling her out of the room and into the bathroom so they didn’t wake John.

“Bailey I just got a call from Russ, Grace is in the hospital and they want us to go there. Pack a bag of stuff and I’ll go buy you a ticket” Garrett explained, his heart plummeting as he watched Bailey fall apart in front of him.

“You know about the cancer?” she choked out as he nodded watching the tears run down his face “And its back, isn’t it?” she added wishing for him to shake her head and tell her that she was wrong and this was all a misunderstanding, but wishes never seemed to come true.

He gave her a minute to compose herself and pack her stuff as he booked another ticket using his parent’s card; he knew they wouldn't be mad as they knew how he felt about Grace even if he didn't fully understand his feelings himself.

Ten minutes later they were sorted, waiting in the lobby for the taxi to arrive and take them to the airpor. He knew the boy's would understand even if it meant putting the record on hold.

On the plane he couldn't take his mind off of Grace wondering what the next step would be, Bailey just sobbed not seeming to grasp anything on the flight it was only then that Garrett realised maybe they should have woke John and took him along with them.

Awkwardly the pair waited at the side of the curb, Garrett wishing time would speed up and that he would finally be where he should be; by her side.

Grace didn't know that though, he wanted to tell her on so many occasions: 4th July, when she got her tattoo, the night they spent together under the stars but they didn't seem special enough and now he was afraid she would never that he loved her.

"Excuse me Garrett, Bailey, you ready?" a rough voice asked from behind him, his head snapped around taking in the tall dark haired boy, the white wife beater complimenting his muscles, the guy he had met before and knew to be Grace’s brother.

"Err yeah?" He mumbled, jumping up onto his feet, rucksack placed on his back. Russ led them to the pickup truck helping load there bag's into the back. The ride to the hospital was silent, the radio playing quietly in the background as they waited get to the hospital, no one wanted to speak or listen to the facts of what was happening and for that they were thankful that they had each other.

“What’s wrong with her?” Bailey finally asked, cutting through the silence as she asked the question that was also on his.

“She was on her way home, Grace was going to come back for a week or so while you were all on tour and then she was going to go back to Arizona but she stopped for some gas and then she headed back to her car, her bag fell on the floor as she was driving and her phone started going off, she went to pick it up and a car crashed into her side of the car” Russ explained spitting out the end bit as Garrett completely froze.

“Hit” he breathed out not believing what he was hearing he was just getting over the fact that she had cancer and now this, it was like God was against them.

They arrived at the hospital Russ leading them to the room as he went to pick up his parents and take them home to rest, the woman Garrett presumed to be her Mom was a wreck, her hair was like a bird nest on her head and her eyes had dark circles from lack of sleep. Her Dad didn’t look any better, his shirt crumpled from how he was sat in the chair, trying to comfort his wife and himself.

“Ma, Dad. Bailey and Garrett are here to see Gray” Russ explained causing he older couple to snap around and stare at them, the woman opened her arms and Bailey immediately jumped into them fresh tears making new tracks down her face.

Her father looked at Garrett, giving him the once over before giving him a nod and a small smile which Garrett could only presume as Russ telling him everything about the list.

The couple left with their son and Bailey in order to tell her everything that had happened since she had got her cancer back, it felt odd for Garrett to be here at the hospital knowing that Grace was only through the door lying on a hospital bed with Garrett unable to help her.

At first he didn’t know whether to enter or not feeling like he was trespassing and breaking her trust, plus he didn’t think he would be able to take in the sight of her.

He took a deep breath entering her room, his heart breaking as he took in the small girl wrapped heavily in bandages looking small, fragile and almost translucent against the bright white sheets, a bandage wrapped around her head hiding her beautiful dark hair from his sight.

Her eyes were closed and he was worried she was asleep, he would have thought worse if he didn’t hear the steady beep of the heart monitor.

“Garrett” she whispered, her eyes not opening, he had to strain his ears in order to hear it otherwise he would of though his mind was playing tricks on him.

“Yes Gray it’s me” he replied collapsing in the seat by her bed, placing his bag and ratty guitar case by it, his hands moving to clasp her on small one, refusing to let go.

“You should be on tour” she croaked, her voice raspy and her lips chapped, there was bruising around her eyes, freckles scattered across her cheeks, the rest of her head protected in the white cloth.

“I’m not going to be sat on the east coast when your laid in the hospital needing me” he mumbled pressing her hand against his lips still not fully understanding what was happening.

“I’m fine” she grumbled, turning to look at him, her bright green eyes missing their sparkle.

“I don’t call getting in a car crash being fine Gray!” Garrett scoffed as she just pouted motioning for him to bring his chair closer; he obliged never letting go of her hand worried that if he did he would lose her once and for all. “Grace I need you tell me” he asked, his eyes pleading with hers.

“If I tell you, I have to tell you everything” Grace stated as he nodded she took a second to compose herself, licking her lips slightly before she began.

“It started when I was 8, that’s when I told people what was going on. We went to the doctor and I could tell straight away it wasn’t good, how they wouldn’t my eye when they said it. The cancer didn’t hurt as much as the looks that people were giving me, but especially Russ, Mom and Dad. No one was ready, especially not me. But then we thought I was lucky, we thought I had won. This was when I was fourteen and came down for the summer but when I got back home things weren’t right.

I thought that I wouldn’t tempt fate and I just acted as if everything was normal and that year I started high school. Having cancer teaches you a few things in life like it’s not worth having arguments and holding grudges against people and because of that I drifted through school, making sure that I was friends and talked to everyone to make sure no one felt as left out as I did.

I never really fitted in, sure I had friends but that was out of sympathy than anything else, and boy’s they just didn’t want to know but then what can I say “Cancer Girl” isn’t the kind of type that appeals to boys. But even though it wasn’t plain sailing I was just so happy I was alive.

Last year on my birthday I knew things had gone even worse and I decided then and there that I didn’t want to fight and put my family through the pain any more, I didn’t want to put myself through the pain and the heart ache and even though I felt like a failure for giving in, I just wanted them to move on with their lives.

It’s not that I want to die or anything, I have loads of things I want to do. Go to prom, go abroad, have a boyfriend, fall in love, go to college, get married, have a baby, watch them grow up the whole she-bang that’s what I want. Be able to live the life the way I want with who I want and to make a difference in the world.

Then I suggested the whole coming to Arizona thing to give them a break and myself a chance to live the childhood I never really got, I didn’t want to tell anyone especially Bailey because I didn’t want her to worry all the time like when we were younger.

But then I was talking to you at a party and I told you and it felt good. Good to get it off my chest the secret that I hate having to keep and you didn’t give me the look that everybody else did and it felt good not to have someone just feel pity for you.

Then you came up with the idea of the list, and we nearly have all of them done and for once I actually felt alive instead of feeling like I have to depend on a drip or anything else to keep me going and I honestly feel better. I have friends for once and that’s made the biggest difference.

But it’s all going to end soon and I just want it all to end on a high. I’m going to die and even though I don’t accept it yet I’m halfway there.” she finished her eyes glued out the window staring at the bird flying around the tree in the distance.

Garrett hadn’t spoken a word since Grace had admitted the truth instead sitting there and listening to every word she said taking every last letter in.

“Grace I’m really –“ He began as her head snapped around cutting him off her eyes furious.

“Don’t say sorry” she spat, her face contorting into a glare his fell unsure of what to say. “Can you see why I don’t people? They all say sorry like they could of prevented it even though we both knew they couldn’t and then they don’t know what to say and then they slowly start to drift out of your life the look of pity always attached to their face”

“I wasn’t going to say ‘I’m sorry’ I was going to say ‘Grace I’m really happy that you told me” Garrett said, leaning over the bed so his face was millimetres from hers.

“Thank you for listening” she mumbled as she stared back at him “I told you the truth and all so can you play me something?” she requested, as he nodded biting his lip as he contemplated playing the song he had just finished writing.

He sat back in his seat pulling his guitar out of his bag his finger strumming at a cord before looking her in the eyes.

“This is a song I wrote for you” he stuttered, licking his lips before beginning to play.

“She thinks’ I’m crazy judging by the face’s that she’s making, but I think she’s pretty but pretty’s just a part of the things she does to amaze me. She calls me sweetheart, I love it when she wakes me when it’s still dark but when she watches the sun she’s the only one I have my eyes on. Tell me that you love me, and it’ll be alright, are you thinking of me? Just come with me tonight, you know I need you just like you need me can’t stop won’t stop, I must be dreaming” He sang softly watching the smile form on her face but her eyes widening when he admitted his true feelings for her.

“As she moves in closer whispering to me ‘I thought I told ya’ and oh she’s playing games now and I’ve figured it out now that were, now that were closer. Two kids, one love, who cares if we make it up. Her voice a sweet sound, our clothes lay on the group. She moves in closer whispers ‘I thought I told ya’” He continued laughing at the facial expressions she pulled to try and put him off playing.

“Tell me that you love me, and it’ll be alright are you thinking of me? Just come with me tonight, you know I need you just like you need me, can’t stop won’t stop I must be dreaming. Can’t stop won’t stop I must be dreaming. Remember the day when we started this and you made the shape of my heart with your hand. We try to make some sense of it but she called me on the phone and said... ‘tell me that you love me and it’ll be alright, are you thinking of me? Just come with me tonight, you know I need you just like you need me, can’t stop won’t stop I must be dreaming’. Go on and tell them that you love me and it’ll be alright, are you thinking of me? Just come with me tonight, and she moves in closer, can’t stop won’t stop I must be dreaming.” He finished strumming the guitar one last time before putting it down staring at her eyes trying to search her eyes for any hints that she had the same feeling.

“So what do y-“

“You love me?!” Grace cut him off her eyes refusing to meet his, anger burning through her veins.

“What the fuck Gar?! That wasn’t meant to happen! You know I’m dying and yet you decide to fucking fall in love with me!” she screamed picking up her book and throwing it watching as it burst open upon making contact with the wall.

“What do you mean this wasn’t meant to happen? Do you think I chose to fall in love with you, knowing that you could be taken from me at any moment? This isn’t exactly a walk in the park for me either Grace so will you stop biting my head off and being a complete bitch because your ruining the moment” Garrett retorted walking across the room and moving to sit on her bed, placing a hand on either side of her cheek, forcing her to look into his eyes.

Grace continued glaring, her cheeks flushed in rage “You called me a bitch” she seethed eyes narrowing before she burst into laughter “I can’t believe you called a sick person lying in a hospital bed a bitch” she wheezed holding onto her side as he starred at her wide eyed.

“Well Gray, you know you, you’re different, so do you, you know?” he asked turning to look away rubbing a hand against the back of his neck before they were soothed by a cool touch.

He turned slowly as Grace’s hand slid down his arm to cup his hand “Garrett I like you too but –”

“No buts Gray” He pleaded his eyes begging her to give him one last chance as she slowly nodded.

“Garrett I’m kind of tired...will you play my favourite song?” Grace asked, burrowing further under the quilt as he nodded returning back to the chair before picking up his guitar.

“Love of mine some day you will die but I’ll be close behind I’ll follow you into the dark. No blinding lights or tunnels to gates of white just our hands clasped so tight waiting for the hint of a spark. If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied, illuminate the ‘No’ on their vacancy signs. If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks then I will follow you into the dark.” He began, his voice raspy as he sang the words of her favourite song, watching as she closed her eyes and began to relax as she listened to his voice.

“And Catholic School as vicious as Roman rule, I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black and I held my tongue as she told me son ‘fear is the heart of love’ so I never went back. If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied illuminate the ‘No’ on their vacancy sign’s if there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks ill follow you into the dark.” Her breathing began to steady the hand clutching the bed sheet loosening slightly as she began to drift off, a tear escaping Garrett’s eyes.

“You and me have seen everything to see from Bangkok to Calgary and the soles of your shoes are all worn down, the time for sleep is now it’s nothing to cry about cause we’ll hold each other soon in the blackest of rooms. If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied illuminate the ‘No’ on their vacancy signs. If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks then I’ll follow you in the dark. I’ll follow you into the dark” As the song ended Garrett put the guitar down, turning to look down at the girl who slept peacefully looking so out of place than ever before. “Don’t leave me Gracie I need you so much closer” he muttered into her ear, brushing her cheek gently before kissing it, picking up his stuff and leaving the room.