Hang Me Up To Dry

I met Ross at the hospital the day John was being released from the hospital, coincidentally a day that I didn’t have to work. He was driving and John rode in the front seat and I was willingly placed in the back. How did I get stuck in the middle of this?

We drove out into what seemed like the wilderness for an hour and we reached this little out-of-place building that was the rehab clinic. Although I was aggravated at John, I was glad that he was getting the help he needed.

“Are you okay?” Ross asked me after we checked John in and were walking back to the car.

“I’ll let you know.” He opened the door for me and I stood there, holding onto the door as he leaned against the front of the car. “You know, I never thought that I’d be 18 and having to deal with this. It’s one thing for the guy I’m seeing to betray me, I’m used to that, but to check him into rehab?” I sighed and looked down.

“How were you supposed to know? All you knew him as at the time was John O’Callaghan, singer of The Maine.”

“I wish I could say that I regretted this, but I don’t. I’ve never loved someone like I love him. Loved him.”

“Yeah well now that he’s in a better place, you can focus on the things that are important to you, like school and work.”

I smirked. “I guess so.” He started to walk around the car to get in. “Ross?” He stopped and looked at me. “Can we be friends?”

“I thought we already were.”

Hanging out with Ross was a breath of fresh air. He didn’t smoke or drink or do drugs…the exact opposite of John, but he was incredibly nice which wasn’t so new.

“What are you doing Friday?” he asked me one day we picked up some Chinese food together.

“Class, then work, then maybe work out a little bit.”

“You don’t need to work out.”

I laughed falsely. “With all this eating out you and I are doing, yes I do.”

“Well when’s the next day you’re not working?”

“Tomorrow. Why?”

“I don’t know, I kinda wanted to go to the zoo…”

“And I’m included in your plans?”

“What can I say… You’re kind of fun to be around.”

“So I’ve been told.”

****

I just left class and it was a beautiful 76 degrees this January day. I went home to change into a flowy, floral skirt and a white tank top with a navy blue cardigan. Once again, looking cute.

I was making my hair into mermaid waves when someone knocked at the door. “Come in,” I yelled.

“Are you ready?” He asked, coming through the open bedroom door. I smiled and led him out the door and as we were walking down the steps he said, “You look nice by the way.”

“You’re not too bad yourself.”

I took pictures of him when the gorilla was pressed up against the glass and he grabbed me and pulled me into one of the pictures and we were both making a scared face. Adorable.

“So how’d you get involved with John?” he asked me as we sat down on the bench across from the tigers.

I didn’t really want to think about John now when I was having so much fun. “Well my car broke down when I was coming into town and fortunately he was there to help me out.”

“And then you fell madly in love!” He exaggerated, putting the back of his hand to his forehead.

“No, then I played hard to get the next three days, got drunk at the show, things happened and he went away for a month, then I fell madly in love.”

“That sounds beautiful.”

“Okay, well how about you, hot stuff? Where’s your girlfriend?”

He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. “She cheated on me and we broke up not too long ago.”

“I’ve been there. Before I came here, my boyfriend of two years cheated on me the whole time we were together.”

“Why’d you stay with him?”

I looked at him like he was stupid. “It’s not like I knew. I’m sorry by the way…I know how it feels.”

“No big deal. I only proposed to her only for her to reject me and tell me she’s in love with another man.”

“You proposed? Damn!”

“We started dating our sophomore year. Thought she was the one.”

“Same here.”

I was looking into his blue eyes when he looked away and cleared his throat again. “So, how do you think John’s doing?”

“A week in rehab? Probably tearing at the walls.”

He laughed and shook his head as we watched the tigers lurk around in front of us.

It was almost nine thirty and I needed to be at school, like now. I grabbed my toaster strudel out of the toaster and iced it quickly, washed it down with a glass of milk and headed out to my car with my MacBook. Before I reached the door, there was a knock.

“Ross, what are you doing here?”

Ignoring my questions, he walked past me and he looked like he had a lot on his mind.

“I feel incredibly stupid being here.”

“Why are you here?”

“I feel guilty being around you. I know you’re still in love with John.” I tried to protest but he went on. “And I know that he’s still in love with you. And I can see why.”

My heart was racing. Was he professing his love for me?

“Hanging out with you this past month has been incredible and you reminded me what it was like to feel something again. To trust somebody. And well, I feel something for you, Rianne. But I don’t want to come between you and my brother.”

I set my laptop on the couch. “There’s nothing to come between.” I walked over to him and cupped my hands around his neck then kissed him.

I don’t know what it was about Ross…I really liked him. But then it hit me – he acts just like John, you know, without being on drugs and tortured. I was falling for the other brother. He made life seem easy without trying so hard. He was effortless. He made me feel happy and real again.

Don’t get me wrong, I was happy with John, but there was always this cloud hanging over me ready to start a rain storm that inevitably came. But with Ross, I felt normal.

“Rianne, you’re not saying anything,” Ross said as we were cuddling on the couch in silence after I got off of work.

“I don’t need to. I like soaking up the aura.”

“Well as much as I like being with you here, I’m still worried about my brother.”

“Why are you worried? I bet he’s doing fine in rehab.”

“Not that…I’m worried about what he’ll think of us.”

“I think I made it pretty clear that we were over…” I said.

“I know but what if you were in love with someone and while you were away, they moved on to your sister?”

“I don’t have a sister,” I said and chuckled.

“You know what I mean.”

“I don’t think it would feel very good.” He stroked my arm as I rested my head on his shoulder. “Well what are we going to do?”

“I say we play it by ear,” he said then kissed me.

-A Week Later-

John’s 28 day program was almost up. I didn’t know what was going to happen. Ross wasn’t here because he was doing some school related thing and it was a rare occasion that I was at my apartment alone.

Suddenly I got a knock on my door and to my surprise, it was Sam.

“What are you doing here?!” I asked excitedly as I choked her in my hug then let her inside.

“I heard you’re not in a good place right now and I came to see if there was anything I could do to help.”

She put a small duffle bag in the bedroom and joined me on the couch.

“So what happened with John? Why aren’t you with him right now?”

I forgot to tell her so many things. “He made a bet with Kennedy and Jared that included me.”

“And he didn’t stop it?”

“He did, right before the end of that tour back in August.”

“And you’re mad because?”

“I was just a gamble to him.”

“Snap out of it, Rianne. If he never called off the bet or waited months to, that would be different. Before he started anything with you, he knew it was wrong. I don’t think you should be this upset. You should go talk to him.”

“That’s another thing. After I left his apartment angry, I found him a couple of days later in there, dying of a near overdose. So he’s in rehab right now.”

She looked like she was about to slap me. “You weren’t going to talk to him and support him after he got back? Good God, what has happened to you? He needs you now more than ever.”

“That’s another thing. His brother Ross has been hanging out with me a lot since that happened and I kind of like him. A lot.”

“Oh my God Rianne. Why did you come here without me? You have absolutely no idea what you’ve done.”

“But Ross is so different than John. He doesn’t smoke or drink or do drugs.”

“…And after rehab neither will John. Now taking all of those things out of the picture, who would you rather be with?”

“I don’t know.”

“How’s the sex?”

“I haven’t slept with Ross, but being with John is incredible.”

“Oh my God you actually had sex with him?! After two years of being a cold fish to Jake?!”

“John’s different. He’s nice and funny and beautiful. But Ross is real. He’s not exposed to thousands of girls a day.”

“I’m not gonna sit here and tell you what to do, but just wait until John gets out of rehab and see how you feel. You’re not in any place to make a decision right now.”

It was the next morning, Sunday, and Sam was in the shower when another knock came at my door. This time it was Kennedy and Jared. Kennedy…

“Rianne, we just wanted to talk to you,” Jared said and they both came in and sat on my couch while I sat on the arm of it. “I think it’s important for you to know that we were the ones that told Caty about the bet. It wasn’t intentional, we were both drunk and she was there and John called off the bet right there, not even noticing she was there, before he went to go call you and she asked about it. Stupidly, we were the ones that told her.” Kennedy was nodding in agreement.

“But that doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t change the fact that his initial intentions were bad.”

“That was me,” Kennedy said. “We were over at his apartment and he said that he needed to go pick you up and it really bothered him that you gave him the cold shoulder all the time. I just gave him some intrinsic motivation.”

“Look, I appreciate you guys coming over here and telling me this, but it doesn’t change the fact that it happened.”

“Rianne, listen,” Kennedy said. “John is so in love with you. You’re the only real relationship he’s ever had. Don’t throw that away for some stupid little bet we called that didn’t even last two weeks.”

They left after he said that and I seriously sat down and considered it. Sam came out of the shower then.

“Was someone here? I heard you talking to someone.”

“Just Kennedy and Jared.”

“Just? A year ago you would have died saying that Kennedy was in your house.”

“Things change.”

Later that day after I got off of work, Ross came over and hung out with Sam and I.

“Ross, can I talk to you?” I said, bringing him out onto the balcony. “I want to talk about us and where we’re going.”

“Me too. You go first.”

“No, you go first.”

“Okay…” He took a deep breath and held my hand. “I’m falling in love with you. So much, Rianne. I think that if we talk to John he’ll understand. I’ve given this a lot of thought and he would want what makes you happy.”

He kissed me. “Oh God, Ross. I should have gone first.”

“Oh God… You don’t love me.”

“That’s the thing, I do. But I can’t. Not right now.”

“What’s wrong with right now?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s going to happen on Wednesday when he comes home. Although we’re over, he needs support from everyone, especially me because I feel partially to blame for this whole incident. So just give me some time, please?”

“Are we on an indefinite hiatus?” He asked, smiling but not meaning it.

“Yes.”

He nodded and walked through my apartment and out as I lay on my bed and cry.