Getting It Straight

Here I sat in the back of the auditorium.

And there stood Mindy Crocker singing some lame ass song with her near-perfected voice.

I have never wanted to go somewhere else any more than right now.

What the hell is this? And why is there so many people?

"Miss Carver, did you prepare a piece to audition with?" Miss Taylor asked.

"No." I said staring away from her.

"Well, we want everyone to audition so, you'll just have to sing a song and act a scene you know." She said and then went to sit in the big ass desk in the middle of an abundance of chairs.

I sneered and then slumped back into the chair. I have to get this over with.

~

When I finished singing, I stood still.

"Can I leave now?" I asked after a silence.

"Yes. Very good job Miss Carver." Miss Taylor said as I walked down the stage and to my chair where my bag was.

"No need for the sugar coat, Miss Taylor." I said and went out the auditorium.

~

"How was your audition today?" Daisy asked me.

"I don't know, how was sending my grandma to jail today? Was that nice?" I asked.

"I'm sorry. We all are." She said looking at me with her puppy dog eyes.

I rolled my eyes.

"You should be okay now, that whack of a job is locked up." said Mr. Clare. I glared at him.

"You don't know her." I said.

"All I know is that she beat the hell out of you only a week ago. If it wasn't for Jude, we would not know what could've happened to your life." Mr. Clare said kindly and soft.

It was not authoritative, not demanding to be heard…. it was soft and kind.

I looked down at my plate.

Why was I so angry, I should be happy that she's locked up now.

"What would happen to me?" I asked.

I looked across the table to see Jude staring straight at me.

"You're staying with us for a while." said Daisy.

I sighed and stood up from the table.

I left to upstairs without saying a word.

A while. A while happens a lot for such a small period of time.

~

I don't understand.

Why are they doing this?

For me…

Before I could understand what I was doing… I was already packing my bag. Basically all of it was just my backpack and a jacket from the closet.

I opened the windows and used a scissor to cut the screening and then I jumped out.

I climbed down and then jumped because it wasn't very high up.

Then, I ran… I ran as fast as I could.

I was running away from everything because I truly knew that I didn't deserve this.

I didn't deserve their kindness.

I didn't deserve their protection.

I didn't deserve them.

It hurts more than the physical pain.

It really hurts to know that you truly didn't deserve something. I knew I was no good. I knew I wasn't anything special. I knew that deep down, there was not anything I could do that could repay them. And I could not live with knowing that. Their eyes stared at me with kindness, and all I can return to them was cold lifeless eyes and a stone heart.

I knew fair and unfair. And I can't stand to be unfair…. especially to good people like them.

~

I sat on the bench while holding my bag close to my chest. I was cold, even with a jacket on.

Earlier I went to my grandma's house, but there was a paper on the door stating eviction. I tried breaking in but it was just not working.

When all else failed, I just went to the park and sat down on the bench the night I was founded by Jude.

I didn't know what to really do. I was bored but at the same time, I couldn't go back to the Clare's….

I shouldn't.

I couldn't.

They were probably glad that I left… They were too nice to say it.

Karma did their dirty work.

I shouldn't feel so alone right now but I did…

After a week with the Clare's, I've become too selfish. I couldn't deal with the loneliness anymore like I did before.

I got too comfortable, and that only led to loneliness in the end for me.

"You're far from home." I jumped and looked up immediately to see Jude.

"Well, my home has been evicted." I said. He took a seat next to me.

"Yea, sorry about that." He said.

"You should be. Now I truly have nowhere to go." I said honestly as I looked at my feet kicking the ground with every swing.

"You have us." He said.

"I..." I shouldn't say it, he probably will think that I'm a defenseless loser girl with a tough act.

"You can tell me you know? I'm not going to judge you." He stated.

"Why are you doing this for me? WHY?" I asked eagerly, "Don't you see that I don't deserve this?"

"Yes you do, you deserve any right to happiness." He assured me.

I scoffed, "Yea, right." I said. I looked at him, "Tell me honestly that you haven't heard that rumor."

"What rumor?" He asked confused. I scoffed, his act of innocence was annoying.

"What happened to being social enough?" I asked him. He just stared at me blankly. "That rumor! Don't fucking lie to me!" I said with frustration.

"I really don't understand." He said trying to calm me down.

I felt such a rush that I stood to my feet and walked around. My hands rubbed my face trying to comprehend why he's so dumb.

"Are you fucking kidding me." I said, I stopped my tracks and stood still.

"My parents were drug addicts… they did anything for money…" I said.

"Kristyn. It's okay. You don't have to tell me." He said trying to stop me. His hands went to my arm but I tugged away.

"No… if you think you're saving a innocent angel you're fucking wrong." I stated.

"My parents sold me… They sold me to suck dicks." I said trying not to break down. The chills in my body crept all over. My head spun and my hands were shaking.

"And I did for them… even though they never loved me, I did it for them." I said.

"It's not your fault. You were young…" He said.

"You're right…. I was only 12." My hands went up to my face again and it covered my eyes, "I did Drew Markus' father… and guess what?"

"Please." He pleaded.

"Drew just had to get one himself too."

"Kristyn." He stood up and came close to me. He pulled me in to his arms, just like this afternoon.

"No." A sob escaped from me. I tried pushing away, but like yesterday, he was strong.

"Shhh.. Kristyn. Please don't say more." He pleaded. I felt myself shaking uncontrollably.

"Why do you think no one ever talks to me? Who would talk to a person who has junkie parents. A person who has done sexual favors for money… a whore." I said with my forehead laying in his chest and tears streaming out of my eyes.

"Kristyn… you're not a whore." He said strongly, "You're no whore in my eyes."

I breathed. I couldn't understand this. I don't understand. Because of this, I cried more. I sobbed into his chest, just like I did this afternoon.

"You don't have to worry any more." He said. "Trust me."

When he said that, I felt my walls crack. For the first time felt the truth in those words. "Trust me."

~

"Why are you doing this for me?" I asked as we sat on the bench again.

"Doing, what?" He asked.

"Saving me. Protecting me…" I said.

He was silent.

"I couldn't let you go back." He said.

"Why? I'm no one to you… you didn't even know me." I said.

"But you're in my school. We've gone to school together since Kindergarten. I remember when we were in second grade and how you had the most amazing voice during music class." He said and smiled to himself.

"What are you talking about?" I said, "What voice?"

"I remember hearing a song sung during music class one day when we had to mix with the other teacher's class because my teacher was sick. I remember looking over to you with your hair tied in a high ponytail and how you wore those jean overalls as you sang…" He said.

"Um… creeper much?" I asked.

He laughed, "I just remember these things." He said, "And I am not a creeper. Or I'm trying not to be?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "You're totally in love with me." I said and laughed.

I looked at him, the street light shone his dark shaggy brown hair and his pale white skin. He seemed frozen.

"Hello? Aren't you going to reply to me?" I asked and stared at him with more concentration.

He was looking down and his pale white skin turned red.

"Oh my God… you seriously are in love with me." I said with amazement.

"I think it's time to go home… my parents are worried about you." He said and stood up and rushed to his motorbike…

I felt a bit shocked right now after this realization. It worried me in a way but it made me feel safe.

I followed after him and got on the bike. This time, I wrapped my arms around him.