The Blood In Your Veins Is Twenty Below.

Max’s POV.

I came to the conclusion that I was bisexual. The weird sensations I got whenever I saw other guys changing in gym was what made me know for sure I couldn’t be fully straight. And I wouldn’t say I was fully gay either, I still had a thing for girls.

I had to accept it. This was apart of me now. It worried me though about what my friends would think of me. If I should even tell them. I already know how their reactions would be. They would avoid me at all cost. I don’t think that’s something I can deal with. My mentality wouldn’t be able to cope with me being an outcast. Well I’m sure that I’d find someone to be friends with. Not everyone at school was as judge mental as the guys I hung out with. The only reason Ronnie was an outcast was because he was too insecure and socially awkward to talk to anyone. If he actually tried and had confidence I’m sure he’d have more friends.

Ronnie wasn’t always so timid but once high school started he began to change and he his confidence was at an all time low. Especially when I left him to be friends with a different group of people and he had to face this hell that is high school on his own. He used to be the one that called out in class and got detentions for talking so much. But I guess the summer of grade eight changed him. Maybe that’s when he was figuring out his feelings about guys? Hmm, I don’t know.

I’m sure he still is as out going as he used to be, he just doesn’t show it at school. Like the day I went over to his house and we actually got along, he was talking quite a bit. I don’t know why he doesn’t show that side at school.

The more I think about how much my friends and I have damaged him mentally, the more guilty and lousy I feel. I never noticed how much we’d affected him till a while ago. Usually he would just shake it off whenever we said mean things to him. Well sometimes he’d look kind of hurt, but now it seems he’s showing his insecurities more. Or I’m just noticing now.

What would Ronnie say when he found out I was bisexual? I mean I’ve been making fun for him for about a year for being gay and now I’m kind of on the same boat now. I’d look like a total hypocrite. Which I kind of am now that you think about it. But just because I now realized I am attracted to guys doesn’t necessarily mean I like him. And I sure as hell won’t be uttering the word love for awhile. Just because I figured out I was bisexual doesn’t change my mentality. I’m still not the kind to get into a serious relationship and I doubt that’ll change anytime soon.

Ronnie POV.

I ran and ran. I was running away from Max, and my thoughts. I couldn’t look at Max’s face a second longer. It just made me fall deeper. How could he do this to me? I know he’s been pretty inhumane since high school started but he practically told me everything that happened last night meant nothing to him. He didn’t care that he just took away my innocence. He was just caught up in his own selfish ways. I should have never believed him when he told me he loved me. Max was incapable of love. His definition of love was late night flings that lasted 15 minutes.

I couldn’t deny the fact that enough though he didn’t love me, I couldn’t say the same thing. I was head over heels for him. Every time I saw him, I couldn’t control the butterflies in my stomach. His mesmerizing green eyes just wouldn’t get out of my head. The way his mouth curved up when he was happy, the tight jeans he constantly wore. He was just so beautiful. And I was just a fool.

I walked up the steps entering my dimly lit house. But before I did, I look a couple houses down to look at Max’s house. It looked as dark as it always did. There was really no telling if he was home or not. His blinds were always closed and there was rarely any light shown through the window. I had always wondered about Max’s home life. Was it like the cheesy television show families or was it problematic? That house always looked so dead. Other than the times that Max held parties when his parents weren’t home.

Max would hold parties at least once a month, I’ve only ever been to one. It’s not like I wanted to go either. My friends, Robert, Monte, and Omar were over at the time and they wanted to crash it. So they convinced me to go.

There were so many people and a lot of booze and drugs. His house looked so dingy and gross. The once white walls were not a unflattering yellow. Everything was tossed around and on the floor. Of course you could blame the party-goers for that. Luckily Max never saw me that night, but I apparently caught someone else’s eye.

The guy looked around 19, keep in mind I was around 15, was completely hammered and he was coming on to me. His breath reeked of booze. He pulled me onto his lap, stoking my inner thigh, as I struggled to get out of his grip. I was afraid I was going to lose my virginity that night till Robert stepped in. Well I mean I guess it wouldn’t be any different than last night with Max. It meant nothing to Max and it would mean nothing to that guy either. So either way I was doomed to end up giving it away on a careless night with someone that didn’t love me.

The lights in my house were on telling me that someone was home. I prayed to god that it wasn’t my dad. My ribs were still in agony from the day before and I didn’t need to make it worse. He’d probably end up breaking them, if they weren’t broken already.

I cautiously walked across the living room trying not to alert the person that I was there. Out of surprise, I heard someone’s foot steps behind me. My eyes squeezed shut as I turned around hoping it wasn’t who I thought it was. Thankfully, it was only my brother. Chase. I hadn’t seen him for weeks so this caught me off guard.

He looked a mess. His brown mid length hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in days. The once clean navy blue jeans he wore were stained with liquid and has a chalk like substance wiped onto them. Which I knew immediately was the drugs he used to fuel his addiction.

I looked up into his dark brown orbs seeing something I hadn’t seen in a long time. They were clear. There was some kind of shine to them. The familiar redness that I was so used to seeing had disappeared and turned into the normal white colour humans were supposed to have. He looked, dare I say it, sober.

“Little bro” He cooed, lifting his arms up signaling he wanted a hug. He was happy to see me? This was so out of character. Usually he didn’t acknowledge my existence and was snorting whatever he had laying on the table. The tone of his voice changed as well, still as groggy and rough sounding as before, but he seemed to have a sense of joy be heard from his voice.

I ran over to him, hugging him the best I could with the pain still left in my ribs. I needed this right now. I needed some sort of affection even if it was from my brother. He patted my back, embracing me in his arms. The warmth I felt in the hug helped me control my emotions. Although it couldn’t fully heal my heart from the damage these past couple days caused, it definitely helped. My brother seemed to be acting like my brother again. Lets just see how long that lasts.

“How are you RonRon?” I smiled at the old nickname. Letting go of him, my smile started to falter. I didn’t know how to answer his question, what would he say? He old Chase would protect me, but the Chase I knew now was so unpredictable.

He obviously saw the expression on my face, as he reached over putting an arm around my shoulder and sitting us down on the couch. “What’s wrong?” he said staring straight into my eyes.

Biting my lip, I stared at the couch print and shrugged my shoulders. I heard him sigh knowing he’d have to try harder to get it out of me. “Ronnie, tell me.” His expression seemed like he really cared what I was feeling, oddly enough.

Slumping down, in defeat I finally told him about what had happened since he’s been gone. I started with what happened with dad, showing his my bruises. He looked completely furious. “You really need to go get those checked out in a hospital.” I rolled my eyes disagreeing with him. He already knew there was nothing he could do to get me to go so he just gave up.

I began to tell him about Max and what happened the night before, explaining how rough he was and how he told me he loved me then telling him how today he denied what he said. His expression seemed to get guess by the second. He was always protective over me before he started doing drugs and I guess his natural instinct was coming through again.

“I’m gonna kill him!” Chase nearly yelled out, making me jump. I shook my head quickly telling him not to get involved. He just sighed, rubbing my back.

“Ronnie,” he paused, “Don’t let some asshole like him destroy your confidence. You are so much bigger than him. And you know it.” He spoke sincerely.

When he had finished I left a prickly sensation in my eyes. I tried to hold back my tears but they just started to fall. His arms hugged me gently. This was the brother I knew. It really meant a lot to me that he told me that. At least everyone didn’t think of me as worthless.