Desperately Reaching for Something in the Dark

Being back was bittersweet. Bitter because I was away from loved ones that were in Maryland and sweet because this was home. Everything was here. My job, best friend, apartment and whole life was here. As much as I considered Maryland to be my home, this was where home actually was.

Rikki met us at the airport with open arms and big smiles. Since I met her when I first moved out here, she always had been the girl with the big personality. She wasn’t afraid to try things and didn’t care what others thought about her. Other than Alex and I—because we were her parents after all—Rikki was definitely one of Charlie’s favorite people. She took care of her for me when I had to work and for that I’m eternally grateful.

She was even kind enough to pick Alex up from the airport because I had to go into work and do some paperwork. She took Charlie to the airport with her because the other option she suggested was holding up a big sign with his name on it and I quickly turned down that idea of hers down because it would make Alex’s ego bigger.

“Bye, mommy!” Charlie yelled out as I was about to shut the front door. I turned around and blew a kiss her way before shutting the door and making sure it was locked before getting in my car and driving off to the daycare.


Not seeing my two girls for a few days was something I wasn’t used to because I was accustom to having them around all the time for the past two months. I had grown used driving over to Aria’s parent’s house and spending the entire day with the two of them.

To say that I was excited to go see them would be an understatement of the century.

I had just zipped up my suitcase for tour when the doorbell rang. I scrunched my eyebrows. I wasn’t expecting anyone, so who could be here? Maybe my mom or dad, or one of my band mates. Maybe a crazed fan or something who found out my address. But when I opened the door, it was neither of those. It was something I wasn’t expecting on seeing someone for a long time.

“Hi, Alex.”

“Rachel… w—what are you doing here?”

“I have something to tell you, Alex.”

“What is it? I’m kind of busy getting things situated for tour.”

“This is really important,” I saw her take a sharp intake of breath before spilling out words I never thought I’d hear her say, “I’m pregnant, Alex.”

My eyes widened. It felt like I stopped breathing. The entire world stopped at those words she just said. She’s pregnant. Pregnant.

“A—are you um, are you sure it’s mine?” I asked once I regained regular breathing. “Like, you haven’t slept with any guys since we broke up? No one night stands or anything?”

“I haven’t. I know it’s yours.”

“This can’t be happening.” I sighed, my hand rising up and running through my hair. “This cannot be happening right now. Everything was going perfectly. How far along are you?”

“I’m not so sure yet. I go to the doctor tomorrow and I came to see if you could come with me.”

“I can’t, Rach. I catch a flight to California tomorrow morning to spend a few extra days with Aria and Charlie before tour.”

“You’re going to see them?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I am. Aria is my girlfriend and Charlie is my daughter. I’d like to see them before I’m gone for a month playing shows. Is that such a problem?”

“No, I just thought you wouldn’t do what you did to Aria to me.”

“Just to clear things up, Aria never told me she was pregnant. She left without telling me. And you’ve got to give me time to process all of this, Rachel. That’s all I’m asking for, okay? Time.”

“I’ll give you time, alright, Alex, if that’s what you want. After the appointment I’ll text you about it if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, sure, you can do that.”

“Alright, great. I’ll uh, see you after you’re home from tour?”

“Probably.”

--

I was tired when I got off of that plane after it landed in California. Even though I’ve been all over the world in different time zones, I was still tired. I looked around, trying to find any sign of Aria or Charlie standing in the airport but I didn’t see anything. I found an empty seat near a corner and sat down, placing my bags on the floor in front of me and pulled out my phone and dialed Aria’s number.

“Hello?” I instantly smiled when I heard her soft voice on the opposite line.

“Hey, I’m uh, at the airport, are you here?”

“Oh my gosh, I forgot to tell you,” she sighed, and I heard some shuffling of papers, “I had some last minute paperwork to figure out at work so Rikki and Charlie are there somewhere looking for you. I can call her and tell her where you are.”

“Could you do that?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Yeah, thanks, Ar.”

“No problem, Lex.”

I patiently waited, watching people walk by and messing around on my phone until it buzzed, signifying I had received a text message. I pulled it up and it was from Aria.

Aria: They’re there. They’re by the entrance because it’s less crowded. Slimmer chance of losing Charlie. :) I should be home in about an hour. See you soon!

I sent a quick ‘thank you’ as my reply and got up, grabbing my suitcase and carry-on bag and walking through the large airport towards the entrance, where I immediately spotted a short, curly-haired brunette little girl standing by a door. I walked up to her and crouched down to her level and waited until she looked at me.

“Daddy!” She exclaimed, throwing her small arms around my neck and I wrapped my arms around her waist, standing up and bringing her with me, squeezing her close to my body, eliciting a giggle from her.

“Oh! You must be Alex!” I heard a girl’s voice that was similar to Aria’s and looked up to see a brunette with blue eyes standing a few feet away from Charlie and I. “I’m Rikki, Aria’s best friend and roommate.”

“Yeah, I am. It’s great to finally meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you as well! This little girl right here hasn’t stopped talking about you since they got home!”

“I love my daddy!”

“And your daddy loves you.” I told her, planting a kiss to her forehead.

I had a good reason to believe that these few days were going to be great, but there was that little nagging feeling in the back of my mind that told me something was going to go wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.