Desperately Reaching for Something in the Dark

The flight was longer than I remembered. Maybe because this time, instead of looking out the window and sleeping, I was calming down my 2 year old daughter, Charlotte; Charlie for short. It was her first time on a flight, and to say she was terrified would be an understatement. It took her almost an hour to calm down from the initial takeoff.

Her big, brown eyes were filled to the brim with tears. Those eyes that broke my heart to look into every time, because they reminded me of him. They reminded me of those eyes I fell in love with all those years ago.

Even though I just abruptly left that evening 2 years ago, that doesn’t mean that I stopped loving Alex. I never did. He still had a place in my heart that was devoted to him; forever and always. He was my first everything; first kiss, first sexual encounter and my first love. There’d always be a place in my heart for him.

I guess I should tell you the real reason I left. A few days prior to leaving, I was getting sick; throwing up constantly. I had called my best friend, Taylor to pick up a pregnancy test and bring it over to my house I shared with Alex. After waiting the time needed, I looked at the results. A pink plus sign stared back at me. I was only 19 years old at the time, and Alex just turned 20. There was no way we were ready for a baby. I couldn’t let Alex’s dreams get ruined because of a baby, so, I did the one thing that I could think of. I left.

Mid-flight, Charlie tapped my elbow. “Mommy?”

I turned my attention to her. “Yeah?”

“Why are we on a plane?”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “We’re going to see grandma and grandpa. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

She nodded her head up and down multiple times, a smile evident on her face. She’s talked to my mom and dad before, she’s just never met them in person since we live in California and they live in Maryland. “Yeah!”

After she calmed down from being excited from finding out about visiting grandma and grandpa, she fell asleep. I wiped drool from her jaw and wiped it on my jeans. Oh, the joy of motherhood. I pulled out the book I brought with me and turned to the page I had stopped reading and continued.

--

“We’ll be landing at the Baltimore Washington Airport in 5 minutes. Please fasten your seatbelts.” The pilot said over the intercom for the passengers to hear. The sounds of clicking seatbelts sounded at once, as everyone snapped them shut at the same time.

Once we got in the airport, I called my mom to find out where she was. She said she was near the main doors. After we trekked through the airport, Charlie attached to my hip, I found my mom sitting down, flipping through a magazine.

I stood in front of her, waiting for her to notice me, but unfortunately, she was too engrossed with the magazine.

I put Charlie down and let her jump onto my mom’s lap. She jumped, but quickly grabbed Charlie and sat her down.

“Oh, honey, I didn’t see you there.” She laughed, looking down at my daughter. “So, this is Charlotte.”

“It is,” I smiled. Charlie had a huge grin on her face, almost mimicking my mothers. “She’s excited to see you and dad.”

“We’re excited to finally meet our granddaughter!” Yes, my parents found out that I was pregnant, when they flew out to see me and I had a noticeable bump.

We got in her car and the two of us talked about life back in California while Charlie slept in the back. Some reason, she brought up the topic of Alex. Something I did not want to talk about.

“He still comes around from time to time,” she took a left turn onto the street the house was on. “In fact, he was just over at the house on Wednesday. He still asks about you, you know.”

“Oh,” was all I could say. Talking about Alex was a bit of a touchy subject for me. Anytime Ricki would even say his name, I’d give her a death glare and she knew to immediately change the subject.

My father met us outside, and took in our suitcases. I grabbed Charlie from her car seat and hitched her up on my hip, letting her head rest against the space between my neck and shoulder. I went upstairs and laid her in my old bedroom on my bed, covering her up and tucking her in. I shut off the light and went back downstairs.

“It’s so good to see you again, sweetie.” My dad said as I walked over to him and into his embrace. He rubbed my back before letting me go. “And Charlotte is amazing.”

I smiled. “You haven’t seen her when she’s awake and hyper, you might change your mind after that.”

“So she’s just like you when you were a toddler.” My father added. “I remember how you’d always run around the house and sometimes, you’d get so tired that you’d sleep almost anywhere. I found you lying on a stair one evening.”

“That’s embarrassing.” I laughed, digging around in my purse to try and find my cell phone so I could tell Ricki that I made it safe, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. “Mom, have you seen my phone?”

“No, I haven’t seen it since you answered that phone call in the car.”

Ah, the car. I forgot it could be in there. “Okay, thanks.” I replied, going outside and easily finding my phone sitting in the passenger’s seat.

I was just about to turn around when I heard someone behind me. I immediately tensed up. I knew plenty of people from this town and it could be anyone. It could be the one person I was hoping on avoiding the entire time I was here.

“Aria? Is that you?”