Holding Onto What I'm Feeling

Carly’s P.O.V.

A few weeks later, I was noticing that everything here reminded me of Jeph. All these reminders kept making me want to find Jeph and tell him I was back. I wanted to go back to Jeph and just have him hold me again. Just remembering all the good times with him made me yearn for his touch. So much so, that one day I ended up outside our old apartment building. I wondered if he still lived in that apartment. I had a strong urge to see if he was there, but then I heard his insults in my head and I was afraid to let him back into my life.

I sighed and turned to head back to my own apartment, which wasn’t far from this one. I was hopeless. I had come back to see Jeph again. But I was too much of a coward to tell him who I was. Part of me just didn’t want to tell him and just stay out of his life for the rest of mine. But another part of me still loved him and just wanted to run to him and tell him I had come back for him. Who was I kidding? Why would he ever consider taking me back? I had left him flat on his ass without a warning. The part of me that still loved him could only hope that he also still loved me. I was so confuse.

I stopped walking and looked at where I was. Shit. I was back in front of Jeph’s apartment building. I guess I really wanted him to know I was back. I walked slowly to the main door of the building. When I reached the door I opened it quickly and walked inside. What was I doing here? I should just leave. This is a bad idea. But as I thought this, my feet started carrying me on the familiar path to my old apartment that I had shared with Jeph. Before I knew it I was in front of Jeph’s apartment door and knocking. Hold on. I was already knocking. God, I was a dumb ass. To my luck, nobody answered the door. I sighed from relief and turned to leave. I started back down the hallway.

“Excuse me?” I heard a voice say. I stopped walking and closed my eyes. I opened them slowly as I looked over my shoulder and saw Jeph standing just outside of his apartment door in the hallway, looking straight at me. “Did you just knock on my door?”

I felt my fear grow in me, and it must have shown in my eyes because of the way Jeph was looking at me. He stepped toward me and that was my signal to get out of there. I turned away from Jeph and started running. I had to get away. I had made a mistake by coming here. I could hear Jeph running not to far behind me.

“Hey!” he yelled. I ran outside and down the sidewalk. The last thing I heard him yell, “Carly!”