The Past Defines Just Who We Are

Chapter 2

The whole while at Allies, I didn’t really talk much. The whole Ricky thing took me by surprise. I guess that’s why the say It’s a small world after all. Allie introduced me to a few of her friends who’s names I cannot recall. I got up putting my bag around my shoulders and headed out front for a cigarette, I pulled out my smokes and a lighter as I went to sit on one of the stair steps. Little did I know Ricky was already sitting there. I went to walk away when he stood up and grabbed my hand.

“Please, can we just talk?” He asked, hope in his eyes.

“What is there to talk about?” I said.

“About what happened” He said.

“That was 4 years ago, Ricky. The past is the past”

“Please?” I took a moment to think. Do I really want to talk about something that happened 4 years ago? Would this solve anything? Maybe some of my questions will get answered.

“Fine, we’ll talk” I said sitting on the step next to him finally lighting my cigarette.

“So, I just want to say I’m sorry” I scoffed, not caring if it sounded harsh or not. “What happened 4 years ago was the biggest mistake of my life and I regret leaving you like that” I stared at Ricky somewhat in disbelief.

“You have no idea of how much of an idiot you made me fell like” I spat. Ricky put his head down and sighed. “You have no clue of what I went through after you left” I don’t know how much I should tell him about the drugs and the alcohol or even the cutting.

“I realize what I did was foolish, I thought about you every single day. I did want to call you but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk to me ever”

“You know a simple phone call would have meant the world to me. And that day I told you that I loved you, when you just walked away without a word, that hurt. You could have given me one simple little answer if you felt the same or not” I tried holding back my tears but it was simply impossible. “All those nights I sat up thinking, Is it something I did wrong? Was it the way I looked? Was I not “girlfriend” material?” I stopped as tears began to fall. Ricky tried to reach for my hand but I backed away and stood up.

“Look, I am sorry, It would mean the world to me if we could hang out” He put out his cigarette and stood up from the stairs.

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it” I said and turned to walk in the direction towards my apartment. “Tell Allie that I got tired and I will call her tomorrow” He just nodded and walked back into Allie’s apartment. As soon as I reached my door I could hear Zero scratching on the door. He always knew when I was coming home. “Hey there honey” I said once I was through the door. I threw my keys on the counter and headed to my room taking off my jeans and putting on some comfy shorts. Today seemed rather unreal. A part of me wanted to forgive Ricky and let him back in my life, and the other part resented him. I had so much to think about but for now I think I’ll put on a movie.

I must have fallen asleep with the TV on last night because the theme song to Beauty And The Beast was playing over and over. I sat up in my bed yawning as Zero was still stretched out at the foot on my bed. Then there was a knock at my door.

“Really?” I said to out load stalking out of my room, Looking through the peep hole I noticed Allie and Devin I believe his name was. “Can I help you?” I said opening the door.

“Get dressed bitch, we’re going shopping!” Allie said.

“Seriously Allie, it’s like…” I looked at the clock that read 12:30 p.m. “Give me 20 minutes, make yourselves at home” I said halfway to my room. Throwing on some skinnies and a HIM tank top and pulling my thick blonde hair in a pony tail not bothering to put makeup on. I grabbed my purse and my phone off the charger and headed back out to the front room slipping on my Toms.

“I hate that you can wear no makeup and still look hot, bitch” Allie said.

“I look like shit! What are you talking about?” I said laughing.

“I’m with Allie on this one, You do look hot!” Devin said.

“Oh shush!” I said as we all walked out the door and headed to Allies car.

Lunch

The three is us sat at a table waiting for our food at this sushi restaurant and talked about life and what not.

“So Devin, do you have a girlfriend?” I asked.

“Yeah. Her names Kylie. We’ve been dating for about a year now. She’s the best and accepts me for who I am” He said with a smile

“Cute!” I cooed.

“You should see some of Devin pictures of him in drag. Way hot!” Allie said.
“Well I shall see one day” I took a sip of water as our food arrived to our table. My mouth watered at the site of the delicious looking sushi.

“Are you ever going to speak to Ricky?” Allie finally said. I knew she was going to bring him up sooner or later.

“I don’t know, and even if I do the most we could ever be is friends.”

“It’s worth a try. I knew he hurt you in the past but he really wants to talk to you. Sooner or later you‘re gonna have to talk to him” She said.

“Did he put you up to this?” I questioned. Allie just looked at me. “I knew it. Look when I think the time is right I will talk to him but right now, all of this, it’s just too soon” I kept quiet after that and finished my food. After lunch Allie dropped me at my apartment and went home. She was right, sooner or later I am gonna have to talk to him.