When I Think About You

Chapter 50: Model?

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"Lil, you have a photo shoot today." Zayn mumbled as he shook me awake. I cracked an eye open and closed it again.

"What?" I asked groggily.

"The photo shoot with us?" Zayn said unsurely with a chuckle. I groaned.

"Why?" I hissed; still half-asleep.

"We promised the agency that we'll bring you along." He stated before shaking me again.

"I don't want to go." I grumbled before turning to my side. "I have to hang out with Cam today."

"I already called her and told her that we need you today. She says she has lycée. What's lycée?" Zayn poked my cheek; making me flinch and swat his hands away from my face.

"School." I groaned. Zayn chuckled and ran the back of his hand along my bare back; effectively sending tingles across my spine.

I think I forgot to put a shirt on after last night's activities. You try being woken up at 2 in the morning just because your fiancé felt like doing 'it'.

"Come on, love. Wake up." He whispered before pecking my lips lightly.

"Urgh.. Zayn.." I moaned in protest as he tried to heave me up into a sitting position. My body fell slack against the mattress due to the lack of effort on my side. I don't care who saw my boobs, I want to fucking sleep.

"You're making this really hard for me." Zayn whined as he pulled me up again.

"Just get off." I mumbled before snuggling further into the bed.

"Lil, if you don't wake up right now.. I will poke you down there." Zayn said seriously.

"Well, do it. I dare you." I answered sleepily. I think that was a bad thing to say, since he really went through with it and inserted a finger down south. "Holy.. Mother of.. Oh God."

"My name's not God. It's Zayn." The little shit head said smugly as he added another finger.

"Fuck you." I mumbled before succumbing into my body's desires. After a little foreplay, Zayn just began teasing me as I straddled his lap, so, I grabbed hold of him and literally connected our bodies in one swift motion. Zayn let out a loud moan which made me smirk smugly.

"Oh God," Zayn moaned.

"My name's not God.. It's Lil." I taunted him, but he paid no mind as he thrusted deeper into me; seeking for the same release that I was.

***

"I told you not to let Zayn wake her up." Louis whined before he continued munching on his toast.

"We didn't want to die an early death." Niall answered with a mouthful of toast.

"You treat me as if I'm a vicious killer/mass murderer." I pouted as I sat down beside Zayn at the dining table.

"You may as well be. You wield knives at us, raise your fist at us, threaten to rip our balls off most of the time, and the list just goes on and on." Harry answered with a knowing smirk. I rolled my eyes.

"Well, that's just how I am." I defended my self. All of them chuckled.

"Have you had breakfast yet?" Liam asked like the father figure that he is.

"Yep. Banana cream pie." I answered and all of them choked on either their tea or toast.

"Five minutes," Paul piped up from the doorway. I hurriedly stuffed some toast in my mouth before washing it down with milk.

"Where are your manners, Lillian?" Liam asked with a fake posh accent.

"I forgot them back on my bed." I answered with a grin before jumping on Zayn's back.

***

"C'est magnifique!" Antoine, the photographer who was in charge of the photo shoot... my photo shoot, said with fervor as he held his camera up and took tons of pictures of me just standing there and looking awkwardly around the room. I don't know what's magnificent about that. Maybe it's the fact that I've been a professional awkward person all my life...

"You have great potential, mon cherie!" He called as I sat down on a white block that was placed in front of the plain white canvas that served as my background. I don't even know why I'm here. I'm no one famous, I'm not all that pretty, hell.. even I think that I have no fashion sense. I just like to throw on what I think is pretty.

Antoine stopped clicking at his camera and strode over to me. The boys were currently in the next studio, doing some shots for this magazine.

"Mon cherie, I would like to offer you a modeling career. You can model for D&G, Calvin Klein, Ann Taylor, Chanel, DKNY, Marc Jacobs, and many, many more. You have great potential." Antoine offered sincerely. My face flushed red as I looked at the calling card that he was handing to me. I gingerly took it in my hands.

"I'm no one special. I'm not all that pretty, my hips are too wide, I have very hidden curves, I'm too short.." He cut me off.

"And those imperfections will work to your advantage. Every girl is beautiful no matter how everyone says otherwise." Antoine stated seriously. I bit my bottom lip and fingered the calling card that was in my hands.

"I'll think about it." I murmured before smiling up at him.

"Very well. I promised your brother that you wouldn't be gone for more than 30 minutes. Get back to him. And give me a call when you finally make up your mind. I have a pictorial for Chanel this coming Saturday. That will be your first official shoot if you agree. Don't worry about the legal papers, I'll fix them for you."

"Thank you so much, Antoine. I'll think about it long and hard." I bid and gave him a hug before running back to the studio that was next to the one I was previously in.

"How did it go?" Zayn asked as he hugged me tightly and pecked my lips.

"It wasn't so bad. Antoine offered me a modeling career." I said with a small smile.

"That's great!" Harry piped up.

"Yeah, great." Louis said half-heartedly. All of them smiled at me, but I could sense that his and Zayn's smiles were only half-hearted. And I knew why; it was the same reason for my hesitation.

"What did you tell him?" Niall asked.

"I told him that I would think about it." I answered with a slight smile.

I really didn't want to have a modeling career. I'm engaged, for God's sake. For all I know, I could be carrying mine and Zayn's child right now; not that I really am pregnant. It's just a means of exaggeration to keep myself from succumbing into Antoine's tempting offer of an instant modeling career. I didn't want to leave my brother and my fiancé... Not to mention the remaining 3 boys who completed our mini family.

But, at the same time.. I wanted it. I wanted a career right now. I wanted to prove to everyone that I could have a life of my own, whilst still keeping everyone I hold near and dear close to me. I wanted to prove to everyone that I could be independent.

And, can I really leave all of this behind as if it was nothing special? Could I really separate myself from Zayn? We didn't come this far just to have it crash down on us like a ton of bricks. What if something went wrong while I was away? What if he finds someone new? I knew that he would accept whatever decision I made, and that if I chose to pursue that modeling career, he would wait for me. But, I was afraid that he would realize that he could do so much better than me, and leave me on the spot. I was afraid to lose him; every one of them.

Various 'what ifs' played inside my head and I tried to stomp them down into oblivion, to no avail. They still plagued my thoughts.

What am I supposed to do? I'm torn between proving myself worthy to everyone while risking everything Zayn and I have 'worked' for, in a sense, and just staying with the love of my life, my older brother, and my sub-brothers while dealing with the thought of never grabbing the opportunity. Both choices can have a really big effect in my life, and the sad part is if I choose one, I lose one. Maybe, just maybe, I can find a way to keep everyone I love while proving myself to every person who's doubted and made me feel inferior before.

I really don't know what to do. Help me, please.