When I Think About You

(READ A/N AGAIN. PLEASE. IMPORTANT. and, for the full drama effect, listen to 'Fearless' by Colbie Caillat while reading this. I listened to that while writing.. So, it helps with the mood.)

"Ah, lovely temporary home." Niall piped up as he threw himself on the couch. A long day posing for pictures can do that to a person.

"What are you planning to say to that Antoine guy?" Zayn asked me with a bit of edginess to his tone. I furrowed my eyebrows and frowned at him.

"I don't know yet." I answered quietly; very unsure myself.

"If you want to leave me, just say it." He mumbled bitterly before stalking off towards our room.

"Zayn! What the fucking bloody hell are you on to!?" I shouted angrily at his retreating back. Niall looked up from the couch and ran out of the room; probably to get Louis, Liam, and Harry who were at the hotel's cafe for a little tea break.

"You're going to take the modeling offer so you could leave me." Zayn muttered with a frown gracing his features.

"WHAT!? Do you think I would leave you!? I gave everything to you! How dare you accuse me of that!?" I shouted angrily as tears started uncontrollably falling down my face. "For fuck's sake, we're engaged!" I held up my left hand which held the beautiful engagement ring that he gave to me all those weeks ago.

"Then why would you even think about accepting that offer?" He answered; his voice raising an octave. I never knew Zayn as the violent type, but now I was getting afraid since he was radiating this aura that made your blood run cold due to fear. But, no.. I need to be brave and tell him that he can't just hold me back from doing what I want... what I need to do.

"Because, all my life people have doubted me! I'm not exceptionally pretty, or extremely smart, or even fucking nice! All my life... I've had people telling me that I wasn't enough... that I would never grow up to be a successful person like Lou. People have implied that I always depended on Lou... and even you! Do you know why I learned all those languages? BECAUSE I WANTED TO PROVE MYSELF WORTHY OF SOMETHING! I wanted everyone to know that I would amount to something great.. that I could do something worth admiring! And this is my chance to prove them all wrong." I said as I full-out sobbed.

"You don't have to prove yourself to anyone!" Zayn said angrily as he ran his hand through his hair; effectively tousling it.

"You don't understand me because everyone loves you! No one has ever downed you like most people did to me! I got bullied, Zayn! Do you know how much that ruined my childhood!? Sure, you used to be this bad boy... but, you became that by choice! I became... this because I was bullied into it." I sobbed uncontrollably before picking up the nearest solid object and hurling it at Zayn who was glaring down at me. It just so happened that it was the vase on the coffee table.

A resonating sound of breaking glass filled the room, aside from my sobs. Then, with trembling hands and legs, I got up before running past Zayn into our room. I got my luggage from the corner and started filling it with my clothes that were neatly folded in the dresser. I didn't care if everything was messy. I just wanted to leave.

"What are you doing!?" Zayn yelled as he yanked my clothes out of my hands. I pulled them back to no avail.

"What does it look like!?" I shouted before fixing my hair that framed my face in an unruly manner and grabbing the rest of my clothes from the closet. Zayn raced forward and grabbed me by my wrists before pinning them to my sides and looking into my eyes. What I saw broke my heart into pieces. He had tears running down his face, and his breaths came in heavy pants. His eyes... his lovely golden brown eyes that used to be filled with happiness and love held nothing but sadness, regret, and despair as his hands anchored me in place.

"Please, don't leave me." My resolve almost cracked down in the middle, but, I closed my eyes and shook my head before letting a few tears fall before I tried shaking Zayn's grip on my wrists. He wouldn't budge. "I'm sorry."

I remained silent as tears rolled down my cheeks. Zayn removed his grip on my wrists only to cup my cheeks and crash his lips down on mine. The familiar spark was still there, but I was just too hurt inside to acknowledge the familiar tingling feeling that he still gave me along with his kisses. We needed some time apart; and I think that time has come. I need to clear my head, and he needs to straighten himself out for his fans. I'm not saying that the engagement and our relationship is over. All I'm saying is that I need him to realize that I really need to do this so that this will not come to haunt me in due time.

Zayn kissed me again and again, until he released a sob before kissing me again. I placed my hands on top of his and slowly pulled them away from my face. My eyes involuntarily closed themselves as tears continued falling from my throbbing eyes.

"I love you." I whispered before slowly leaning in and planting a sweet, extremely heartfelt kiss on his lips.

"Don't leave me, please.. Lil, I'm sorry." He whispered as he grasped my hands that still held his. Silently, I shook my head and slowly let go of his hands that tried desperately to hold mine for a little longer.

"I'll be back soon." I whispered as I let go of his hands and raced over to my luggage before quickly zipping it up and hurriedly lugging it out of the room. Zayn wrapped his arms around my waist and sobbed into my shoulder. I shook him off before my resolve broke, and I ran out of the suite, passing the four boys who had shocked looks on their faces.

"Lil!" Louis shouted frantically. Lucky for me, the elevator was just closing. With all the energy I had in me, I raced through the narrow gap and sadly watched as Lou's scared face got blocked by the shiny elevator doors that showed me my reflection. I looked horrid. My hair was strewn all over my face, my eyes were red and puffy from crying, tear tracks ran down my cheeks, the mascara from earlier was starting to run... I immediately wiped the black stain from doing anymore damage to my appearance.

When the elevator got down to the lobby, I shielded my face with my hands and ran out of the hotel, thankfully, without attracting too much attention. Then, I hailed a taxi and made myself comfortable in the backseat as I let more tears fall from my eyes and to my lap.

"Le château de Fleury-en-Biére, s'il vous plaît." I murmured to the driver before taking my phone out and calling the one person who could help me. (trans: Chateau de Fleury, please.)

"Bonjour," She spoke happily from the other line.

"Cam? Help me.." I said through sobs.

"Oh, dear. Come on over. Lyceé just finished." She said worriedly.

"Thanks so much, Cam." I managed to stammer out.

***

When I got there, Cam was waiting for me by the front doors of the castle. I would have admired everything, but I was too preoccupied crying my heart out. She helped me out of the taxi and wrapped her arms around me as I cried loudly into her chest.

"Merci de la prendre ici." (trans: Thank you for taking her here.) Cam reached an arm out; probably to hand some money to the driver since the only money I had on me wasn't enough to pay for anything apart from a few mints. "Let's go inside."

She carried my bag and guided me inside before leading me to her room in the Eastern side of the castle.

"What happened?" She asked softly as she sat me down on the edge of her bed.

"Zayn and I had a fight." And with that, I explained everything to her; starting from Antoine's offer.

"He's just having a hard time letting you go. I mean, you two have never been apart and that scares him out of his senses. How would you react if he was going on tour without you?" Cam asked; she was always the sensible and just one.

"Pretty much the same." I whispered hoarsely. Cam nodded and squeezed my shoulders with her arm; a sign of encouragement.

"You can stay here for however long you like.. try to relax and clear your mind until you make your final decision." She said softly and offered me a small smile. I nodded silently and hugged her tightly.

"Thank you so much, Cam. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"That's what best friends are for."