When I Think About You

Chapter 87: Conflict

"This isn't happening. Not again. Not when the wedding's only 17 days away. Zayn! Liam! I just want to bloody murder the two of you." I overheard Cam rant angrily as I sat on the bed in mine and Zayn's room.

"How can you even do that, Zayn? And, why didn't you stop them from fighting, Liam?" Louis asked; clearly annoyed.

"I tried." Liam answered so quietly that I almost couldn't hear him.

I heard him and Zayn earlier. Their little 'conversation' about Liam's past feelings for me. And, I instantly felt bad for... well, unknowingly putting him in the 'brother zone'. After their little spat, no one came into my room; just the way I wanted. I wanted to be alone for a while.

And, in my loneliness, I started imagining what my life would have been like if Liam was the one that I loved and cared for instead of Zayn. Here are the things that would have been different in my life is Liam was my fiancè/boyfriend:

1. I wouldn't be in Sweden right now.
2. I would still be in school; in my dorm or maybe in class right now.
3. I wouldn't be engaged or pregnant.
4. I wouldn't have a wonderful home in Surrey.
5. I wouldn't be impulsive with my emotions and reactions.
6. I wouldn't cry as much.
7. Maybe I'd have a song written for me by now.
8. I'd have been courted properly and the old-fashioned way.
9. Cam wouldn't be with Niall, and here in Sweden with me.
10. I would still be a virgin.

And, one thing that I've realized is that I can never love Liam more than I love him now; as an older brother. There will be only room for Zayn in that aspect of my life. Though, he always hurts me, I can never find it in myself to leave him. It tears me apart just thinking about leaving him. Call me crazy, but, I will never leave Zayn.

'People do crazy things when they're in love.'

***

I woke up in the middle of the night to a cold and empty feeling inside me. I looked at the clock beside me and sighed; 12:12

I expected to feel a warm body close to mine, but, like everything in my life, it didn't go the way I wanted it to go. Zayn wasn't beside me.

I frowned and wrapped the blanket around me as I tiptoed out of mine and Zayn's room. The lamp by the doorway was on, and on the sofa was the person I was looking for. He looked tired. Tear tracks were visible on his cheeks and I felt my eyes tearing up just at the sight of him. He had his arms around himself, and he was lying on the sofa in what looked like a very uncomfortable position.

I walked towards him and reached a shaky hand out to lightly trace the tear tracks on his face. Then, in a rash decision, I unwrapped the blanket from around me and laid it ontop of Zayn. When my fingers brushed his hand, I shuddered involuntarily at the sparks that flew up my arm, and the fact that he was so cold.

My arms flew up to hug myself, and I sighed before leaning down to kiss Zayn's forehead. Suddenly, the door to my right opened and I jumped almost ten feet in the air in surprise. I looked up and blushed when I saw Liam.

"Lil, can I talk to you?" He asked softly. I nodded idly and walked over to him with no qualms. He held his hand out and I took it in my own; missing Zayn's hand holding my own.

Liam led me to the balcony and when I shivered due to the cold night air, he stopped and took his jacket off before wrapping it around my shoulders. I smiled a small smile in thanks and he nodded with a small smile of his own.

"I heard everything." I blurted out without any forethought. As soon as the words were out, I wanted to slap myself.

"Well, that saves some time in explaining. Lil, can you do something for me? Just this once." Liam trailed off. I looked up at him and was enticed in his chocolate brown eyes; so different from Zayn's golden brown ones.

"What is it?" I asked softly.

"Can you give me a kiss? For closure." Liam murmured quietly. I bit my tongue and started to lean in. He smiled a bit and started leaning in, too. Various thoughts flooded my mind, but what stood out were thoughts of Zayn. Liam leaned in further; our lips were only centimeters apart by now... And then...