When I Think About You

Chapter 89: Back To Everything

Our week in Sweden was up before we knew it. Right now, we're standing here at the airport to say goodbye to the boys before they go to America. That's right, they are the only ones going to America. I would have gone with them, if not for the fact that I have overused my being-on-tour-with-Louis card. Now that Zayn and I are engaged to be married, we need to be a little more precautious about our actions; because, as the saying goes, actions speak louder than words.

We need to keep a low profile for a while, just so we could plan the wedding with ease and secrecy. And, if I join them in America, the American press will eat me alive while I go out to plan the wedding. Our secret wedding will be dished out to the public before it even happens.

"I'm really gonna miss you." Zayn whispered in my ear as he hugged me for the umpteenth time that morning.

"Me, too. I'll send the invitations out tomorrow, okay?" I answered and kissed his lips lightly.

"Of course. I'll call and Skype you every day, okay?"

I nodded against his shirt as tears streamed down my face, "Do you really have to go?"

"I have to, love. Just know that I'll always think of you and Layne or Euan wherever I go."

I hugged him tightly and sobbed into his chest. His arms wrapped themselves tightly around me and I winced when my breasts got smushed between our bodies, but payed no mind to it.

"Flight BA912 from London to Virginia is now boarding. Please be reminded that our first class and business class passengers may board the plane at any time of their convenience." The intercom stated. I hugged Zayn tighter and he kissed my forehead.

"I love you." He whispered in my ear. I sobbed and bit my bottom lip before leaning up on my toes and pressing a kiss to his lips. Zayn cupped my cheeks and deepened our kiss before hugging me again.

"I love you, too." I whispered against his chest.

"Lil?" I heard Louis ask from behind me. I looked up at Zayn before moving out of his embrace to hug my older brother.

"Take care of yourself and everyone, okay? Look after Zayn for me. Be a tad bit responsible." I said the last one with a slight laugh which made Louis chuckle.

He kissed my forehead and cradled my head to his chest, "I promise."

"Don't I get a hug?" Liam half-whined. I smiled and gave him a tight hug. Over the past few days, he and Zayn have gone back to normal; as if nothing had happened. But, that's just what Zayn puts on for everyone to see. Inside, he's still wary of Liam.

"Remember what we talked about." I said quietly before kissing his cheek and moving on to Harry who was beside Louis. Then, I gave Niall a hug after he and Cam shared a quick kiss.

"I'll take care of her for you if you take care of Zayn for me." I said with a grin. Niall chuckled before nodding and ruffling my hair.

"Seriously!? That was not cool, Niall. I spent all morning fixing my hair." I whined halfheartedly.

The intercom blared again and I frowned before walking back to Zayn and wrapping my arms around his waist as I leaned my cheek on his chest.

"I'll see you at the altar." Zayn whispered before tilting my head up to kiss my lips. I smiled despite the sadness that I was feeling inside and Zayn wiped the tears that were rolling down my cheeks as I nodded idly.

"It's time to go." Paul announced and gave me a sympathetic smile before patting the top of my head.

"Please take care of them." I mumbled and Paul nodded before grabbing his bag from the trolley and ushering the boys to the tunnel. Zayn hugged me again and kissed my lips before reluctantly leading me to Cam and Eleanor before letting me go.

"I love you so much." He said softly before giving me one last lingering kiss on my lips and then backing away slowly.

"I love you, too." I mouthed and felt Cam and El loop their arms through mine as Zayn walked off; albeit reluctantly. Once he ruched the mouth of the tunnel, he turned back and signed 'I love you' out to me before blowing me a kiss. I smiled and stopped the onslaught of tears that were pricking my eyes.

"Come on, Lil. It's time to go." El said softly. She and Cam began leading me out of the airport and hailed a cab to go back to Harry and Lou's place. Right, Cam's staying at Lou and Harry's while I'll be staying at my dorm since there will be no one to drive me from Surrey to London. We would stay at my dorm, but, outsiders really aren't allowed to stay for longer than a night. Eleanor.. well, she'll go back home even though Cam and I offered her Louis' room.

***

The following day, I silently got ready for school. I felt tired, sad, and empty. It's like more than half of me was ripped away when Zayn left. I didn't even get a wink of sleep last night. I was awake all evening just thinking about Zayn and how lonely my life would be if he was always away. And, at that moment, I finally reached a decision that will either be good or bad for mine and Zayn's future. I will pass up the opportunity to go to a normal university and just take online classes instead. That way, I'll be with him and I'll get to graduate college. Right? I still have to tell him, though.

"Lil, you're gonna be late!" Cam shouted from the kitchen. I sighed and fixed my hair a bit and gave up trying to salvage the unruly curls that looked windswept; so, I got one of my beanies and just placed it on my head before grabbing my bag from the foot of my bed and going down to the kitchen.

"What are you wearing?" Cam asked with furrowed eyebrows.

"My uniform?"

"But.. the pictures you sent me. They were just button-downs and a plaid skirt." Cam stated.

"Right. Those. They're implying the strict 'wear the Monday uniform during Mondays' rule at school." I answered distastefully.

"Well, you look gorgeous in your uniform. Not many people can pull that off, you know."

"Thanks. Well, I better go to school now if I don't want to be late. I'll see you on Friday evening."

"Don't be late, okay? We still have to do your bridal shower the following day. And, you're gonna get pampered on Sunday. Then you and Zayn are gonna get married on Monday." My heart raced at the thought of getting married just a few days from now.

"Yes, mum," I answered with a light laugh before hugging Cam and taking a sip from her Yorkshire tea before heading for the front door.

"Stay safe!" Cam called before I shut the door.

"Will do! Love you!"

"Love you, too!"

At that, I closed the door behind me and walked up the path to the bus stop.

"Lillian! Lillian!" Someone called from behind me. I looked over my shoulder and panicked when I saw a paparazzo. I didn't run, I just hastened over to the waiting red bus. As soon as I got on, I sat down on a seat by one of the windows and covered my face using the beanie which I pulled off my head.

Once I got off near Westminster Abbey, paparazzi people bombarded me. I held my hand up to wave at them as I forced a smile to crawl on my face. Then, I started walking, no, hastening/strutting to the school gates.

"Lillian! How do you feel about Zayn leaving!?"

"Why aren't you with Zayn!?"

"How do you feel about the boys' North American tour?"

"I.m so proud of them." I answered before running through the gates where a couple of my professors shut the gates behind me.

"They've been here all morning." Professor Wood said with a chuckle. I sighed and silently thanked all of them for shutting the gates. Sadly, the gates didn't silence the people, the paparazzi and a few of the boys' fans that were outside.

"Lillian Tomlinslut!" One of the girls yelled. I bit my bottom lip and reigned the tears in. I will not look weak in front of these people. I'm better than that. "Slut! Whore!"

"Zayn's gonna marry me someday and leave you all alone! Boohoo for you!" Another girl yelled.

"Be sure to invite me to the wedding!" I yelled hotly with a smirk on my face.

Than, I turned back to my professors, "Thank you so much, but, I really need to get to class now."

"But, it's still too early-" I didn't get to hear what Professor Wood was saying because I turned away and power walked to the nearest comfort room. Once I entered the seemingly empty room, I broke down and cried. I cried because all their words hurt me very deeply. I cried because I didn't know if I could take anymore shit that the haters throw at me. I cried because the paparazzi is invading my privacy. I cried because I wasn't sure if I can survive this week without Zayn.

Wordlessly, I got my phone from my bag and dialed the very familiar number with shaky hands. I put the phone by my ear and took in a shaky breath before speaking when the beep for voicemail sounded, "Babe, hi. I don't know if you'll even receive this since you're still probably on your flight. But, when you do get this, please call me. I miss you so bad and I just want to hear your voice. I love you."

I dropped the call and wiped the stray tears that fell from my eyes before putting my phone back in my bag and getting off from my place leaning against the wall. With one look into the mirror in front of me, I deemed myself presentable enough before walking out of the comfort room and back to everything that mattered to me before Zayn came into my life.