I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me The Used

Gerard's POV

Several months earlier...

The cool wind blasted through my hair as I stood out in the open valley. Our bus was parked quite a bit away, but I needed a break from it, even if I did need to walk about 20 minutes to get out here. I just hoped they didn’t leave without me. I found a good spot in the grass and laid down. I was so tired. We were currently touring with The Used. Well, we were supposed to be, starting tomorrow, but they haven’t shown up yet. I was glad that Brian introduced us. They were all great guys. I sighed. Touring always made me tired. I didn’t see how people could possibly stay on tour for years without killing themselves. Don’t get me wrong, I loved playing music in front of the crowds who loved us, but I could not stand that bus. Yeah, we got hotels quite a bit, but that didn’t help much. It was just—

I sat up quickly. I heard rustling in the bushes. I turned around, searching the shrubbery for any sign of a wild animal. I didn’t see anything. It was probably just a squirrel or something small like that. Just as I was about to get comfortable again, something hit me. Hard. The force of the blow knocked me back over. I landed on my side, hurting my arm a bit, as something heavy landed on me.

“Hi, Gee!” an all too familiar voice said in my ear. Everything was clear now.

“What the hell, Bert, get off me,” I coughed. His weight was cutting off my air, making it hard for me to breathe. I wasn’t saying Bert was fat—he was quite the opposite, actually— but having anyone sitting on my back would make me not be able to breathe.

“Sorry.” He rolled off of me. “I just wanted to surprise you.”

I sat up and took a deep breath, rubbing the arm I landed on. “Well, you did. I thought you were a wild animal at first.” I studied him. Long, dark hair. Scraggly clothes. A bit of scruff on his face. “It looks like I was right.” I laughed.

Bert stuck his bottom lip out at me. “That’s not very nice, Gerard.” He turned around and smiled. “Anyway, what are you doing tonight? ‘Cause I was thinking we can go—”

“No can do, Bert,” I interrupted. “We’re headed to Eliza’s town. She’s going to be joining us for the last few weeks of tour. I promised her I’d spend all the time I can with her, which means we’re going out tonight since I don’t have a show.” Eliza was my girlfriend. We’d been dating for almost a year.

“Oh. Her.” He stood up and brushed himself off. “Well, wouldn’t you rather spend your evening off with a sexy beast like me, instead of that ugly bitch? I mean, really. Everyone can see you’re not happy with her.”

I took his extended hand, and he pulled me up off the ground. “Can’t you be nice for once in your life?” He didn’t answer. He also didn’t let go of my hand. We started walking back to the buses. “When did you guys get here anyway?”

“Like five seconds ago.”

“Oh.” Silence fell upon us. I thought about what he said. Was it really that obvious that me and Eliza were having problems? I hoped not. I wanted things to work out between us. She was great for me, even though she was a bit clingy.

“Well, when are you free?” Bert asked. “You and I haven’t properly hung out in over two months. I miss you.”

I mentally scanned the next few weeks. “Well, I told Eliza I’d go out with her on all my nights off, and that I’d hang out with her before and after shows.”

Bert wrinkled his nose at that. “So never?” My heart sunk a little. It really wasn’t fair for my friends to be neglected like that.

Our buses came into view. I saw the other boys from The Used talking cheerfully with my My Chemical Romance boys. Bert’s friend and guitarist, Quinn, waved us over. “Hey lovebirds, what took so long?” he asked, spotting our linked hands. I immediately yanked my hand out of Bert’s, slightly angry that he didn’t let go before anyone noticed.

“Gerard was like a mile away,” Bert told him. He looked slightly hurt, but pretended not to notice I took my hand away. “We would have gotten here a lot faster if he wasn’t so slow.” He poked my stomach. Was he calling me fat? I looked down.

“Hey, I’mma go back to the bus now,” I told them, walking in the direction of the My Chem bus. What Bert said made me feel self-conscious. I climbed into the bus and sat down on my bunk. Was I fat? I knew I wasn’t exactly what you would call skinny, but fat? I didn’t want Bert to think I was fat. I laid down and closed my eyes. Why should I care what he thought anyway? I shouldn’t. I had a beautiful girlfriend who loved me and my body. Who cared what that grungy singer thought? Except…I did care. For some unexplained reason, I cared what Bert McCracken thought of me. Oh well. I needed to get my mind off this.

As if on cue, Mikey, Frank, Ray, and Bob walked on the bus, chattering happily. I dragged myself out of my bunk and into the front lounge as the bus started up. “We brought food!” Mikey exclaimed as I sat down on the corner of the seat. A delicious smell wafered from the bag he was holding. I held my hands out hungrily. But then I stopped. I was fat. I shouldn’t be eating.

“Actually, I’m not hungry.” I told him. “Thanks anyway, Mikes.” I looked down at my hands. I should paint my nails, I thought. Maybe I could do that instead.

“What’s wrong?” Mikey asked, picking up on my mood.

“Nothing,” I replied.

“You sure?”

Was it nothing? Sure. Did Mikey deserve to have to worry about me? Of course not. It wasn’t fair for him. I’ll eat, I decided. It really wasn’t fair to make my brother worry over a stupid thing like that. “Positive,” I assured him, taking the food out of his hands. I needed a break.