Never Gonna Let You Go

NICOLES POV

“1…2…3” I heard someone whisper before I was pulled out of my bed by Zack with the whole band and crew around me.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” everyone yelled. I couldn’t help but smile. I look like shit but it was cute how everyone was surrounded by my bunk.

“Guys. You couldn’t have waited until I was decent looking and actually awake to yell?” I laughed.

“No! It’s your 23rd birthday! Now get over here!” Alex said pulling me into a hug. As each person gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday they all went their separate ways but I finally got to Jack. It was awkward, but at the same time bittersweet. 10 years ago today was the day we became best friends, as with Zack, Alex and Rian.

He walked up to me and pulled me into a tight hug.

“Happy Birthday, Nicole” he said giving me a shy smile. He looked like he wanted to say something but he didn’t like I hoped he was. I figured I should try to be civil with him if we were going to be around each other 24/7 since we’re always on tour.

“Thanks” I said back, giving him quick smile.

“So, I know you don’t wanna talk right now bu-“ he was cut off by Alex pulling me to the front of the bus.

“DUDE!” Jack yelled at Alex.

“Sorry, but I had to give her this before tonight”

“Uhh whats tonight?” I asked.

“Oh nothiiiing” he sang. “It’s a surprise. But I figured I’d give you this now so you can wear them tonight”

I opened the nicely wrapped present that he obviously didn’t wrap himself, and pulled out a plain black box. But inside were these GORGEOUS Prada shoes that I have been eying for about a year, but couldn’t afford.

“HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT” I yelled jumping on top on Alex and giving him the biggest hug.

“How could you afford these?!” I said still screaming.

“The whole band chipped in” he said smiling.

I went around and tackled Rian and Zack giving them a million hugs and thanks yous. But Jack was nowhere to be found so I couldn’t say thank you.

“How did you guys know?”

“It was actually Jack who told us about them” Rian said.

I wasn’t actually surprised that he was the one. We always joked about if we were rich what we’d buy and I always brought up the Prada shoes.

“Seriously thank you guys so much! Its only 11 am and it’s the best birthday I’ve ever had” I said still smiling like crazy.

“Well tonight will make it even better” Zack taking a seat on my lap almost crushing me to death.

“I cant breath!!” I said laughing, trying to push him off. He finally got off and I went to take a shower in the hotel we arrived at. We had a day off so we didn’t have to set up and the guys didn’t have to do any press.

It was around 4 when I finally saw Jack again. I went to go get some coffee and found him sitting at the nearest café by the Hotel.

“There you are, you left the bus this morning and I couldn’t say thank you” I said taking a seat across from him. He looked up at me surprised.

“For what?”

“The shoes!” I said almost laughing. Typical Jack to forget.

“Oh yeah, no problem” he said looking back down at his coffee than back up at me. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure” I said hesitantly, not knowing what he was going to say.

“Why are you acting like nothing is wrong the past couple days? I mean, don’t get me wrong it’s nice to actually be in the same room and not get death stares from you or actually being able to ask you questions without you ignoring me. But you hated me 4 days ago” he said bluntly.

“I just” I paused. “I don’t know. I figured that I couldn’t hate you forever. Believe me I still don’t forgive you or even want to be around you sometimes. But for the bands sake and everyone else’s well being I should be civil with you. I don’t want to make everyone feel uncomfortable”

“Oh” he said sadly. I know that’s not the answer he wants but at least it was the truth. It’s hard for him, but it was equally as hard for me. The man I love is right across the table from me and I cant kiss him or hug him or hold his hand because I’m so damn stubborn.

“I’m sorry, Jack” I said and left the table and walked back to the hotel.

When I got back to the hotel, I hung out with Cass and Tay. They told me to look cute for tonight so I was assuming we were going to a club for my birthday since nobody would tell me where we were going. I ended up wearing a white lace corset top, with light sea foam green pants and the blue Prada shoes the guys bought me.

“Ooo you’re looking sexy” Cass said as she slapped my ass and I let out a little yelp.

“Not looking too bad ya self. TAY HURRY UP ALL READY” I yelled towards the bathroom.

“Okay, I’m ready!” she said coming out of the bathroom with a bottle of vodka.

“A toast. To Nicole’s 23rd birthday. Get drunk, get crazy but most of all have fun!” Tay said as she poured us shots.

“Haha. I plan on getting shit faced. I’ve been so good lately with alcohol, so I think im gonna break that streak tonight. Thank you guys!”. I took the shot and it burned slowly as it went down.

About 30 minutes later a limo came to pick us up which I’m assuming was planned by the boys and it took us too this HUGE house on the beach. The guys really planned for my birthday and I don’t know how I’m ever going to repay them. This was awesome and way better than a club.

As soon as I walked into the house everyone screamed “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”. It was overwhelming, but I felt the love. It truly was wonderful. Every band and the crew members were there. There were drinks, food, music, and all my best friends.

I decided it would be best to make a mini speech now, rather than later because I would probably be too drunk and stupid and make a fool of my self.

“I’d just like to say thank you everyone that is celebrating tonight. I’m never one to like big parties on my birthdays but this has honestly been one of the best days of my life and it couldn’t have happened without my best friends. So guys get up here!” and as Zack, Rian, Jack and Alex walked to me I poured shots for us.

“Here’s to friends and getting shit faced tonight. HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO ME!” I shouted as everybody there took a shot.

When the music started again everybody did there own thing. Some people went to the backyard, some people were dancing inside and others were just mingling. I kept thanking everyone for being here and kept telling the guys how much this meant to me. I finally made my way to the backyard, which was technically the beach. It was beautiful. Even though it was October there was still a warm breeze, the moon looked bigger than ever and the stars were as bright as I’ve ever seen them. I decided to just take a moment and sit on the sand to look at the waves.

As I was thinking to myself, I heard footsteps coming towards me and jumped up a little.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” I could tell that it was Jack.

“Its okay” I said as I kept my eyes on the waves.

“Mind if I sit with you?”

“Uh, sure” I didn’t want to look at him. I was drunk and I knew if I looked him in the eyes I would do something I would regret, like kiss him.

“I kinda want to say sorry about earlier today. I didn’t mean to be an ass or anything on your birthday. It’s just been hard being apart from you”

“Its alright, Jack.” This was the hardest thing. Hearing the sadness in his voice when he’s always a happy person. He did this to himself but I cant help but feel that this is sort of my fault. I cant be with him if I let myself. I can forgive him if I want too. But, I just don’t want to be hurt again. Thinking of this I let a tear out but wiped it away before Jack saw.

“I know we gave you the shoes and this party for you, but I have something separate to give you. I was going to give it to you before but Alex interrupted” he said digging for something inside his jacket. What he pulled out caught me by surprised and made me forget to breathe for a second.

“Jack, I-I don’t really know what to say…” I said slowly.

“You don’t need to say anything. It’s for you. I know you lost the other journal I gave you so I figured you could start fresh with this one. I even wrote you a note on the first page just like in the first one” he said smiling at me.

Dear Nicole,

10 years. 10 years of friendship. I honestly don’t know how to tell you how much I love you in words. You truly make me a better person when you’re around and I don’t know how I can repay you. I know I fucked up but I really hope we can patch things up because I cant live without you. A decade ago on this day was the day we all became best of friends and I would never trade that day for anything. I hope this birthday was more than you ever imagined.

Happy Birthday

Love Always,

Jack

As I read what he wrote I couldn’t hide that I was now crying. A mix of alcohol, Jack, and emotional Nicole was never good. Right then and there I wanted to jump into him arms and kiss him.

“Wow. I’m speechless.” I said putting the journal down and moving over to give him a hug.

“Haha. Well I’m glad you like it. This has always been a special day for us and I wanted to make it extra special this time” he said.

He won. He got me to finally look him in the eyes.

“I want us to work. I want you to give me a second chance. I’m begging you” he said gazing into my eyes.

I did what my head said not to do, but my heart said to do; I kissed him.