Let Go.

“So should I peel out of your driveway like I'm a criminal?” Travis asked me laughing at the situation in front of my house.
“You are a criminal.” I tried to joke back but the look Carter was giving me; even through the glass of the windshield was terrifying.
“Ouch.” He joked again.
“I think I should go.” I cleared my throat.
“Do you think he’s more mad, I'm not in clothes, or that you’re all wet?” he smiled.
“Stop being smug, this isn’t the time.” I groaned and opened the car door.
“Em, he’ll get over it.” Travis shook his head and starting backing up as I shut the door.
I made my way over to Carter slowly trying not to make eyes contact right away.
“Carter...” I tried to start but he cut me off.
“I don’t even know why I try.” He shook his head.
“Carter please, I’m sorry, he’s my friend.” I said trying hard to sound like I was right.
“All’s I asked is for you to stay away from him why is that so hard?” he questioned me started getting louder.
“Yes, give up someone I was friends with before I met you.” I shot back quickly.
“Yes, someone you newly made friends with and you agreed to stay away from.” He rolled his eyes.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snuck around.” I sincerely apologized and felt terrible. I knew it was wrong.
“Why are you soaked through your clothes?” he asked finally calming down.
“I went swimming.” I explained unlocking my door, knowing my mom was out of town.
“It’s like sixty five degrees out.” He followed me inside.
“I know.” I agreed.
“Is that why that asshole, had his clothes off?” he questioned sounding exasperated.
“Yes, and I didn’t stay in the water long.” I told him sounding as nice as possible and walked into my room.
“Right.” Carter answered sounding skeptical.
“Are we still going out tonight?” I asked not sure if I deserved it.
“Yeah get dressed I’ll be downstairs.” He closed the door and I heard his steps go down the stairs.
I sighed and heard my phone ring; I answered knowing it was Travis.
“So how’s Carter?” he asked laughing.
“It’s not funny.” I got a bit angry.
“Temper, temper.” He laughed again.
“Seriously, I am a really messed up person.” I sighed and took off my wet clothes.
“Is that what he said?” he asked sounding a little more serious.
“No, it’s what I said, and it’s true, so I am lucky if he forgives me, and I honestly don’t know if I should be talking to you.” I closed my eyes feeling stressed about this whole situation I got myself into.
“Well fuck me right?” he sounded angry. Travis and I never got in fights, the whole few months we’ve known each other, and I really have never seen angry. I hung up and put on jeans and a white lacey looking shirt that ended right about my waist. I rubbed some makeup on and headed down the stairs.
“You look pretty.” He smiled getting off the couch.
“You do too.” I smiled trying to act like I never got that phone call.
Everything seemed so normal again, but all that changed as soon as we got in the car and no one said a word, the whole time. The restaurant was an hour away. We got out of the car he didn’t hold my hand or touch me at all. The scene was very sleek and modern.
“Wow this is so nice.” I smiled trying to seem grateful.
“Yeah this was supposed to be a really nice night, it being our three months and all.” He nodded sounding harsh. The hostess asked for a name and after hearing it, a waitress came over and led us to a romantic table by a window next to the ocean.
“Carter this is beautiful, I really don’t deserve this.” I shook my head looking out onto the ocean.
“I know.” He answered skimming down his menu. It was one of those places where the portions were small, but the prices, were large. We didn’t speak until the waitress asked our order, I ordered something I had never even heard of, and because that’s the way the whole menu was. Carter ordered a fish…or a duck, well I couldn’t tell by the name.
“Let’s not be awkward all night.” I pleaded sounding pathetic.
“I didn’t want you to see Travis, and you did.” He spoke sounding agitated.
“I know, but were somewhere nice and the view is amazing, why ruin this?” I tried to sound so enticing.
“I thought our relationship was perfect… but you ruined it.” This time Carter hit a nerve and I felt a pang of hurt.
“I know, I screwed up but I can’t keep apologizing.” I sounded desperate.
“Okay, well that’s that.” He rolled his eyes and sipped his drink.
“Alright.” I mumbled.
The food came and I still wasn’t sure what I had ordered. I poked it with my fork and ate little tiny pieces.
“I'm not really hungry.” I smiled politely.
“I'm sure Travis took you to eat.” He smiled rudely.
“No.” I shook my head. The rest of the dinner was silent not one noise, nothing. We walked out barely walking next to each other the car ride home wasn’t much better, I think it even got worse somehow, no music just the road, and as much as I like silence this wasn’t the type I liked. This type was horrible. It was taunting and I couldn’t get away from it. We finally made our way to my driveway, the same one where all of this started. Carter turned off the car and looked over at me in the complete darkness. He leaned in and kissed me soft and simple.
“We can’t stay together.” He kept my eye contact saying the phrase as if it was so obvious the whole time, and maybe it was but I was too blind to see it. My stomach dropped.
“It doesn’t have to be like that.” I shook my head, feeling tears well up in my eyes.
“Don’t act like you really care.” He scoffed.
“I do, yes Travis is my friend but I like you, I really like you.” I feel tears begin to fall.
“You like me, that is the problem, I think I love you, but for some reason, I'm not the one you want.” He began to sound angrier as he looked at me and explained.
“I do like you, I'm sorry I don’t love you but you are the one I want.” I tried hard to not sit there and just cry.
“Stop, just fucking stop, stop denying that you don’t want Travis, and he doesn’t want you, it’s complete bullshit and you know it, you really fucked up something good, for him, a guy who sleeps with half of the people he meets, the guy who doesn’t have a job and smokes his days away and pretends he cares about you and this whole thing with your mom being disappointed in you, I get it.. Because you really have no idea how bad your choices are!” he yelled and it wasn’t an ordinary angry yell, this was a scream, a way of telling me I was a horrible person.
I didn’t say anything. I opened the door barely seeing, tears blurring my vision as I made my way to the front door. The house was dark and I made my way up the stairs. I collapsed on my bed in tears, feeling as if nothing was right and I was the world’s worse person. I looked out my window that showed the side of my room and the stars. I picked up my phone knowing I needed someone. I called a number that I knew too well for my own good.
“Hello?” Travis asked surprised.
“Can you come over?” I cried my words coming out jagged and rough.
“I’ll be right there.” He hung up without a question.