Set Fire to the Rain

So instead of driving all the way into the city, I decided to go in by train. The station was only a half hour away from home and once I got into the city I caught a taxi to the Church. I was going to be a little bit late to the show but I was ok with that. I honestly didn't want to take any chance that someone from the crew, especially the band, would see or recognize me from the other shows. The plan was that I would try to stand in the back of the Church, staying hidden by the crowd, while also trying to get a peek at my Shannon. I hadn't decided yet if I was going to stay for the entire show or not. I don’t know that I could bear the thought of it. Being in the same room with him and not being able to touch him and interact with him the way we used too. I figured I would decide when the time came, I would just know.

“Ma’am, we are here.” The taxi driver said, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked up at him with a small smile on my lips and reached into my small bag to pull the cash from my wallet so I could pay him the fare I owed, plus a little extra. I also took the ticket out so I could go right in to the Church. I slipped the money through the slot to the driver and thanked him for a nice ride and told him to keep the change.

Opening the cab door I stepped out slowly into the crisp night air. Stepping onto the sidewalk, I started to move away from the cab closing the door behind me. I waved in thanks to the driver and took a second to look up into the clear night sky, really noticing for the first time the millions of stars above me, thinking what a beautiful sight it was over the city. Closing my purple wool coat up close around my neck to protect me against the chill in the air, I then reached up and pulled my tweed hat down over my head. I had put my hair back into a loose, slightly messy bun leaving my bangs, and the sides of my hair to hang down and around my face. Better to help hide the bruises that couldn't be covered by makeup. I began walking towards the doors of the old stone Church, where a few people were still entering, as the show had started about 20 minutes earlier. Perfect. From where I stood outside, the guys sounded beautiful. I gave the girl with the scanner my ticket and she scanned it smiling sweetly telling me to enjoy the show, pointing me in the direction in which I needed to go.

I walked slowly into the darkened Church and looked towards the front, where the band was set up, and stopped in my tracks when my eyes landed on the man I had been missing so badly these past few days. He sat behind his kit sitting with his knees pulled up tight against him as Jared played a song on his acoustic guitar with Tomo off to his side. Shannon looked awful. He actually looked sick and it made my stomach churn. He wore sweat pants, a sweat shirt and a knit hat pulled down over his head. He was staring off into space not looking at anything in particular it seemed. He appeared lost and absolutely miserable. Could it be possible that he was missing me? Doubtful, I thought to myself. I'll bet he isn't feeling well, and is probably beyond tired.

Slowly taking in the sight of the Church and how incredibly beautiful it was with the lights dimmed and the lighting how they had it tonight, it was an incredible place to have this event. There were beautifully painted murals all around the building, the pews looked to be all original wood with the altar area having an ornate wooden pulpit, and the wood carvings, and stained glass windows that were around the Church were absolutely breathtaking. Everywhere you looked there was something else that would capture your interest. The building was stunning and I now think I understood why they chose this particular place to play. Put the music, the people and the building with its incredible history and artwork that surrounded you everywhere you turned and it would make for the most amazing experience. The guys were all about the people and making sure they have the most amazing experience possible. I could already tell that this was going to be one of the most intimate and most beautiful of those. No matter what I decide at the end of all this, being here tonight was something that I will always hold dear to my heart. It was going to be just that special.

The people around me began pushing and shoving against me and it was starting to hurt. I really needed to find a spot against the wall hidden behind the crowd. Somewhere I could just lean back and listen and maybe get the occasional peak at my beautiful Shannon. Taking one last glance up from where I stood, I looked at his forlorn face. At the last second his eyes rose and met mine. I was frozen. I literally couldn't move. My heart began pounding so hard in my chest it became hard for me to breathe. The butterflies started in my stomach and my palms began to sweat. I felt like a teenage girl seeing her high school crush for the first time. Our eyes were locked on one another, my whole world had stopped. A look of recognition seemed to pass over his features, but the moment was gone in the next second, when someone knocked into my side making me gasp and turn away, thus breaking the eye contact between us. It was probably for the best, being that I didn't want him to know I was there in the first place, right?

As quickly as I could, I turned around and started to make my way back through the crowd to find a place against the back wall so I could listen to the rest of the show. Every so often I would take a peek through the people in front of me and look for Shannon. There were a few moments when I thought that he really had seen me and that he would send someone looking for me. Maybe a part of me even secretly hoped for it. But no one came looking and I stayed planted where I was, leaning against the wall in the corner, listening to their music and hearing Shannon’s beautiful voice when he spoke. He was getting sick; I could hear the changes in his voice, and he was sniffling and coughing. It only made me want to go to him more and yell at him that he needed to take better care of himself and bring him a pot of chicken noodle soup, then help nurse him back to health, to just breathe him in. Though I knew I wouldn't, no I couldn't do anything like that. Not now. I wasn't here for that. I was here to try and figure things out. I had to stay the course.

As the night wore on, I tried bending and twisting to ease the aches and pains in my body. It was starting to hurt to a point that I knew the time for me to head out was coming all too soon. Deciding I would finish listening to the song they were currently singing, then I would leave. Before I left, I started to make my way through the people towards the front of the group of people standing in the back. I wanted one picture. I took my phone out of my bag, unlocking it, zooming in on Shannon when I got to an open spot and took my picture. He was so at home behind his drums. They made the perfect pair. Smiling slightly, I turned and I began to walk to the exit of the Church, but stopped and took one last look over my shoulder, towards the man behind the drum kit. I knew that coming tonight had been the right choice. But walking out the door was the hardest part of the whole thing. I took a final breath and turning my back on the man behind the drums, I walked outside to get a cab back to the train and felt my heart breaking into a million pieces.

After climbing into the cab I hailed, I took my phone out and looked at the picture I had taken and saved it as my wallpaper. I had the picture of Shannon and I at the amusement park saved as my lock screen and I had no intention of changing that any time soon. I pulled up text messages seeing nothing except something from Kym asking where I was. I closed it deciding I would deal with that later. I opened my contacts and pulled up Shannon’s number and pressed call. It rang once, but I hung up. No, I would not cave and call him. Sitting thinking it over, I decided to call Jared. I pulled up his number and pressed send. I knew it would be ok, being that first, he wouldn't answer right now and second I had a reason to call, MJ. His voice mail picked up right away.

“Heyyyyy! This is Jared, Vagabond extraordinaire. Leave me a message or don’t. It’s totally up to you. Catch ya later!”

The line beeped and I went through with leaving my message. Here goes nothing…

“Um, yeah, hi Jay. It’s Eliza. I just wanted to touch base about MJ and to say hi. I haven’t talked to you in a while and well, I miss y’all and your crazy antics. I hope you and um, are doing well. Call me or don’t, it’s up to you. Bye…..” I hung up and really hoped that I would hear back from him. He had been great about getting back to me since he was watching after MJ. But since things had been getting so strange with Shannon I don’t know how Jared will be. Guess we will see.

I put my phone back in my bag and waited quietly as the cab made its way back to the train station. We arrived and I paid the driver. I got out of the cab and began making my way slowly down to my train’s platform, not really paying much attention to the things going on around me. My mind was so consumed by other things and I was honestly in no great rush to get home. My body hurt, my heart hurt and I was going to use the time I had by myself to figure out what it was I was going to do about that. Standing among strangers in New York City, I began the process of trying to figure out what it was, or rather who it was, I wanted in my future.