Suicide Season

When me and Charl had crossed the river seven we cheered we were home the place we'd been born and grown up. I pulled into the service station and we got food and then drove to hers. I hugged her said thank you kissed her cheek and cried. 
"Robyn stay strong if you and Ben are supposed to be together you will be. If you and Oli are supposed to e together then that's going to be hard for you but you have to deal with it somehow. Just remember you don't need a man, I will always be a phone call away and I will always love you baby girl." I hugged her again explaining I was crying because I'd miss her overall.

I then drove to my mum's house. I stayed for a week always getting a "Morning Beautiful" text off Ben. A "Hope you're having fun with your mum and brothers" from Scott and Mama Sykes.
One night I sat down with my mum and pored my heart out. She sat and listened and hugged me and comforted me like she would have if I'd have split up with a boyfriend after two weeks let alone going on two or three years. I told her about Ben and she was thrilled! Telling me to be careful and get to know him properly and not to make any rash decisions. Unfortunately I always chose friends who were my reality check like Charlotte but my mum had always been like that. I knew she thought that me moving in with Oli, while I was in Uni was a bad idea but I loved him just because we didn't work out meant nothing it was my fault for being insecure to the point where I'd miss him a lot, cry a lot. It wasn't healthy.

After two weeks of taking my brothers out with my mum and having a laugh I drove back home, alone to my flat, alone. I needed a pet! Maybe a little dog or something. As I walked into the apartment there were masses of post but I liked reading post. I'd sorted rent and stuff like that out before I'd gone. One was a letter from my grandfather about a party in the family area, I couldn't take anymore time off work. My mobile bill and other bits and bobs and junk mail. Then there was a letter in a familiar scrawl it was my update from BMTH minus Oli. I spent half hour reading the two page report from each member. Finally in the bottom of the black envelope was a small note I pulled it out it had "I'll always love you, sorry for not being there xo" scrawled on the back of it. I turned it over, it was a copy of a photo Curtis had taken when I was ill. Me and Oli in sweats and a douvet. The guys were posted in front of us. Oli had his lips to the top of my head and my eyes were little slits of happiness. With a shy smile on my face.

My phone rang I answered it not reading the front screen.
"hello?" I asked
"Robyn my lovely! Fancy meeting for Coffee in Sheffeild in a bit?" Jonah asked
"Could really do with a Starbucks, only just got home. Did you know Oli slipped something into my ban update?"
"no I didn't we were hiding the updates from him so you could get to grips with what happened. Come on me and Lee wanna see you!" he whined
"Robyn!!" Lee whined 
"Well its obvs you're back in the Uk. We'll meet in an hour. Where's you know who?"
"Sorting out some Drop Dead stuff. Plus we've only just gotten back. He'll be at his unpacking and then going to his mums to say hi." I could hear the smile on his voice
"I won't be long just have to put some washing in."
"Okay see ya."
"Bye Jonah" I hung up, put some washing in and went back to my car. 

I met the guys in Sheffield brought a coffee and sat outside with them.
"How was America guys?" I asked slipping my sun glasses on.
"Amazing" they gushed together.
"It was nice being over there and having American kids singing along to our songs every single crowd every single lyric! It was immense" lee gushed
"You'd have loved it." Jonah smiled "would have complained about the jet lag more than us too." they high fived I took it as a "we miss you"
"I miss you guys too it's just more complicated to hang out now that I'm
Not with Oli." I sipped my cup
"How you dealing with that? He's not too impressed you won't take his calls" lee was wary, couldn't blame him.
"He got with someone after two months do you blame me? We're four months into the single life and I haven't found anyone I haven't been looking for anyone. I've been finding this hard. Very hard as Jonah knows as I've been writing to him about it! Im afraid that if I hear his voice again I'll want him back." I looked down ashamed
"You two will never stop loving each other even if you move on Rob, no matter how you dismiss it or hide it. By the way Oli split up with her."
"I doubt it Jonah." I sighed
"So you want him back then."
"Hey! Robyn you babe fancy seeing you here!" it was Danny, Ben's best friend
"Danny!" I stood up and hugged him "I'm just catching up with some friends. Danny this is Jonah and Lee." I smiled he waved.
"Where's Ben love? He's been trying to get hold of you I hear?"
"He's coming over mine later to keep me company" I smiled the guys from bring me crossed their arms.
"I'll come sexy." James their drummer snaked an arm around me
"You my sexy drummer are taken. Don't tell Matt that." I laughed to Jonah and Lee. 

Danny and James left. I sat back down.
"Made some new friends then." Jonah observed"Yeah went out for my birthday thank you, met them then. No me and Ben aren't dating if it turns out that way it turns out that way." I smiled
"We're happy for you just don't replace us." Lee looked upset
"Never never guys" we all hugged "You guys took me in and I'd never have it any other way guys! I love you!"
We were still there  two hours later, they started yawning and I felt selfish. "you guys should go home you're exhausted and jet lagged come on." I led both of them to my car, they had taken public transport to get here. I dropped them both off. When I began my journey home I put on their new CD which had just been released. It was amazing and A new artist "Lights" featured on the album. I was so proud of their achievement and of Oli's writing it was beautiful. I got home and listened to it properly. As I did my house work ready for when Benji came over. I'd showered and dressed in something reasonable, asked him if he'd eaten or should I cook? I wasn't cooking but alcohol would be a welcome addition to the get together.

The buzzer went and I answered it. Ben was stood looking down at me.
"Evening beautiful, how are you?" he asked as I stood away letting him in
"I'm amazing now thanks"
"come here" he hugged me full on round the neck leaning his cheek against my forehead. I kicked the door closed and hugged him back trying to stop myself from crying. He smelled of lynx Africa. "I missed you. I really did. Can I keep you?" he pulled back looking for a reaction I nodded slightly. He pressed his lips to mine, three weeks we'd known each other. Four months after me and Oli broke up. I'd found a new guy! A new family and new set of friends.
His peircing dug in my lip much like Oli's used to when he was younger. I wrapped my arms around bens neck pushing the kiss further.
He picked me up and I directed him to the bedroom. He was passionate and loving and experimental in the room. He knew where to touch when to touch how to touch. I was completely blown away by the sex. I got him a beer afterwards and we led cuddling in bed.
"This is nice haven't had this in a while" he smile.
"Same was starting to feel frustrated"
"You were good"
"Uou were better" I snuggled in closer his tattoo now clearly visible. He'd had it finished. I kissed along his collar bone. He ran his hands through my hair lovingly.
"I wanted you from the moment we met. You're beautiful and kind hearted but heartbroken"
I sat up wondering how he knew.
"I can see it in your eyes so much pain, do much live for him but do much love for me to." he had his hands pressed to my face looking deep in my eyes he pressed his lips to mine as my tears fell.

I fell asleep on his warm chest as he Watched tv. My phone rang under my  pillow and vibrated. I turned over and answered it.
"Yellow?" I yawned
"Ribyn! You babe let me come over" Scott's voice drawled. He was drunk.
"Scott let me talk to her!" Oli's voice sounded
"Scott! Go home! Take him with you! Don't come to mine Ben is here! Don't tell your brother!" I hung up and turned back over replacing my head on Ben.
"You okay?" I nodded "You're cute when you sleep." he kissed the top of my head lovingly letting his lips longer there for more than a second.
"Thank you."
"For what?" he chuckled
"Seeing me for who I really am and being able to see right through me." he tightened his arms around me and led facing me as we turned over.
"Gladly, you're amazing." he hugged me and let go putting his forehead to mine and his hand on my neck. He brushed his lips against mine. I felt like I was 19 and in love again.