Suicide Season

A few months later
I was touring with Asking Alexandria, Ben's Band actually getting drunk and laughing with the guys. I knew their first album off by heart. We were in America on your and I'd been asked by Kerrang to write an artical about van's warped your and I gladly accepted as it gave me time with Ben.
I knew Oli had a girlfriend however I didn't know if he knew about me and Ben yet but we sure weren't hiding it. We were holding hands and laughing with Danny and his girlfriend when We walked around. I ran into Tom who was always on your with Bring me and we had a good catch up at the bar. We were laughing when Ben came over his curly brown hair poking out under his sock hat. He kissed my cheek lovingly. He waved at Tom and shook his hand when I introduced them formally. His eyes bore into mine and I could read them easy, he took my hand I kissed Tom's cheek and left with Ben practically running for the tour bus. He'd already ruined my favourite part of this. He wasn't wearing a shirt! I like ripping his shirt off. We got on the bus Danny and the rest were in the food tent. The driver of the bus vacant.
Ben pushed me against the back of the first door as we closed it, he actually locked it. There were no words spoken just his lips pressed hotly against my neck and collarbone his hands fumbling at his shirt which I had tied up under my boobs. I tried to help trying to make this quick. He grunted and held my hands above my head he put his lips to mine and it was desperate he pushed his body against mine and put his hands on the bare skin of my waist I pulled his sock hat off and laced my fingers in his long hair almost pulling him closer. Before I knew it he had my shorts undone and his hands exactly where he and i craved them to be. I broke the kiss to gasp and breath heavily. At which point he picked me up and took me to the sitting area at the back. we undressed each other and he was hot, passionate and rough. Still no words (other than our names) uttered.  We collapsed me on him still shaking from the intense orgasm he'd given me.
"I was wondering if that would be intense." he panted
"What now?"
"I was straining not telling you how sexy you are."
"Oh the idea was not to talk." I laughed "That was by far the most intense fuck I've ever had!" I kissed him hard and got up to shower as there was a small one on the bus. 
I tied my hair up in a scruffy bun and dressed again. 

I walked out and Ben was attempting to tackle is mane. I took the straighteners and got to straightening his hair,
"You are pro at giving sex hair"
"I try" I laughed the guys were the approaching the bus. I unlocked the door. They walked in all arrogance and sarcasm and bickering comments (not unusual for these guy)
"Dude it smells like sex in here..." Danny stopped when he saw us.
"Ben! you cheated on me! You'll pay you man whore!" Ben laughed
"And you!" he pointed at me, I was clearly ignoring him.
"You stole my precious man you slut!" I turned straighteners in hand (they were on full heat) and snapped them in Danny's face. "Girl with hot straighteners! Cammy save  me!" he hid behind Cam.
"Cam doesn't scare her Dan" Sam laughed
"Cam be a dear and hand me the little ginger kid pathetically hiding behind you."
"Dude no, Ben man take the straighteners off Robyn!"
Ben came up behind me pitting his lips to my ear and started whispering sweet words. About me. Then put his lips to my neck, I fell calm for the acting point of it
"Oo can I do that?" his girlfriend glared at him as I snapped the straighteners at him again.

We were interrupted by
"Ten minuets til you're on stage!" shouted down the bus by their roadie
"Let's go!" Ben said almost heading the band back down the bus including me. I usually stayed on the bus with the other girlfriends. I needed to get some work down on paper though. He finished his hair really fast and followed.
They took drinks and rallied at the side of the stage as their roadies prepared it. Their fans chanted when they saw the Asking Alexandria screen and they went on Ben was last but took longer as he leaned down and asked for a good luck kiss. I gladly obliged giving him a quick smooch before he ran on stage.
"Little miss journalist now are we?" Tom asked appearing beside me with his camera.
"Yes, I got asked to your with these guys so I asked k of they wanted me to report for them. I've been asked to send daily updates. So I am."
"Awesome I'm glad." he went quiet as I scribbled down noted and sentences of how the band was performing.
"What's wrong Tom? You seem upset"
"I miss you!" he whined "Since you and Ben have been I dunno what ever you two are doing you've hardly spoken to me." he hugged me round my waist
"Thomas Sykes you're like a little bro to me and my best friend, doesn't help you look remotely like your brother just girlier." he nudged me fir that "but heck, you're one of the nicest guys I know. I'll meet you later for food if you want."
"Awesome yeah!" he kissed my cheek and dissapeared

The truth behind what Tom had said was clear to me. I didn't even know what me and Ben had. It was almost like two friends who fucked each other and acted like they were together so they didn't feel lonely. As the band was closing up I took a walk back into the band area knowing Ben had signings to do. I pondered to myself what I was doing where I was. I'd hardly spoken to Charlotte in the last few months, hardly spoken to Tom or his mum or my mum. I was gradually pulling myself away from everything that meant something for something that didn't really mean anything.

I met Tom for food later that day having a good laugh when I got a phone call off Jonah. I was playing with my food as I answered it
"Yo Jonah goes you dude?" Jonah had always been like an older brother to me.
"Seen Tom lately?"
"He sat right in front of me why? Holding his head in shame." I glared at Tom.
"Sneaky twat! I've just found a print on Oli's bunk while Oli is out Of you and a guy kissing, he's written on the, back you told me to kick you where it hurts if you ever lost her. Well done!" 
"You are a dead man! When I get off the phone. Jonah we're in the food tent come over with the print!"
Tom stood up I grabbed him. "what the fuck do you think you are playing at!"
"I'm trying to prove you two are still in love!"
"I haven't seen or spoken to Oli in nine months!"
"Why though, why won't you look at him! Why won't you speak to him!"
"Because I can't!"
"Why?!"
"Because I'm not strong enough to speak to him." I started to cry my voice falling the hundreds of decibels
"I'm sorry Robyn" he sat next to me as I cried
Jonah appeared. "What have you done Tom?" I stood and hugged Jonah
"It's okay Robyn."
"It's not."
"What's wrong."
"I lost the most important man in my life because I couldn't deal with the fact he's always away and was busy we were going through a rough patch and I ran hurting both of badly."
"Oli still has your picture, the picture of you two in his room."
"I love him Jonah. I want him back!"
"Halefuckingluja!" Tom shouted.
"Robyn!" Benji was calling, I turned to look at him. "what's wrong babe? Who are these guys?" I ran and hugged Ben 
"they're close friends of mine, you met Tom the first night we met."
"Why are you crying?"
"It doesn't matter it's nothing."
"You seem heart broken again."
"But I have you, we're together,"
"Yeah, we've been through this before baby" I nuzzled into him.
"Go back to the bus, get some sleep I'll be back soon." I kissed his cheek he left.
"It's not going to last long, I don't think I'll be hurt by it either." I sighed. Jonah wrapped his arms around me.
"Don't feel bad it's not like you were using him or anything, you actually like him just maybe not love him." I looked over Jonah's shoulder and Oli was talking to Matt the guitarist of their band.
"He's here." I whispered an pulled away "Tom I live you but don't try and get us together it'll only pull us apart. If we're meant to be, we will be." I kissed his cheek and went to walk away.
"Robyn!" Oli called, my knees almost buckled
"It's time to face my fear" I sighed walking toward a hidden area out of sight and ear of anyone else.

I leaned on a wall head hung on my chest, tears in my eyes.
"Robyn!" I looked up at the heavily tattooed ex boyfriend. The moment my eyes met his deep brown eyes. I looked away.
"So you can't even look at me now? Let alone return my calls?"
I looked at him tears on my cheek. "Why are you crying? I'm the one who should be crying! You walked away!"
"You know why" I grumbled
"But we could have made it work!"
"Oli I was in a bad place, I was fragile and had too much time to think! I was self conscious and having a lot of my bad days. Having you home was amazing but I knew it wouldn't last. I kept becoming depressed knowing the guy I love was a million miles away from me." I burst into tears letting it all out.
"I didn't help, I love you but it was both our faults, we didn't put 100% into it." he hugged me and I felt at one with him. I was able to feel his heart beat which had always been slightly faster when ever I was with him. I tightened my grip on him.
"Do you still love me?" I whispered my voice faltered as he thought he was going to be rejected
"I never stopped"
"There's only two things in our way then." he pulled back and looked at me.
"You know about Ben?"
"My brother hit me where is hurts and I saw you at the bar. I broke down in tears to Matt." he sighed
"You're a taken man too. I'm not having an affair" I pulled away completely he took my hand
"I'm not asking for that." he brought my hand to his cheek "I love you an would never ask for you to be second best. I wrote a song for you but I want you to figure out what it is" he kissed my palm.
"I'm going to break it off with Ben when we get back home. It's not fair that I don't feel anything for him."

When I got home I listened to my Bring Me The Horizon CD again. Just led in bed on top of the sheets. Just as I was about to doze off song five came on. Something made me stay awake. The lyrics were of a dream Oli had described to me many times before, the dream that scared him most the dream he often cried about because it was so real. I hugged my knees sitting on my bed. The lyrics persisted to bug me with Oli almost screaming in desperation so hurt and almost alone. "Don't go! I can't do this on my own! Don't go!" then it hit me, tho was the song for me an endless cry for help for wherever I was that he loved me and didn't want me to leave that night!

I'd lost my mind! Oli still loved me without any questions, it didn't matter who he was with it was always me that he loved. No matter what. Tom had sent me a picture and the resemblance between me and his new girlfriend was striking. I grabbed me phone and text him the lyrics. "I love you Oliver Scott Sykes. With everything I have xxx"
"Well done baby. I love you more <3 xxx"