Suicide Season

Four months down the line almost two years since me and Oli had split up. We were talking like friends once again and had gone for Coffee a couple of times. I’d rekindled my relationship with Thomas. We’d meet up and giggle like school girls. His new girlfriend Melisa was a babe and was welcomed into the Sykes family with open arms. She’d once commented that me and Oli would make a perfect couple and I showed her the pictures of me and Oli. The next time I saw Oli was at the Kerrang! Radio headquarters. Alex was supposed to do a Bring Me The Horizon special only he’d called in sick and I had been told to step in for him. I was currently content with my single life. I had Tom and new best female friend Mel to mingle with. I had an old friend who had taken my virginity keep the cobwebs away- if you catch my drift. I was sat in the office with no work left to do I decided to throw pieces of paper at Kevin and the office secretary Kelly. Someone span my office chair and I came nose to nose with Matt N. I jumped out of my seat and almost my skin. I got a kiss on the cheek so I threw my arms around his neck. “Matthew boy!” I giggled as he picked me up. “Jonah, Lee, Matt!” I hugged each of them “It’s been so long.” I had tears in my eyes.
“Aw come here you soppy cow.” Jonah Laughed putting his arm around my shoulders and squeezing me to him.
“I missed you guys I haven’t seen you since Oliver’s birthday.” I hadn’t spoken his name in months out loud. My heart ached but I didn’t show it. I hadn’t spoken to any of these guys in three months.
“We missed you Robyn.” Matt Kean observed cooly with his girlfriend on his hip. “Where is Alex anyway? We’re here for his show?”
“Well Alex called in sick so I’m afraid you are stuck with little old me.” I beamed “But we can’t do this without the whole band.” I smiled getting them to sit on the sofa as I went to the booth to prepare for a very good BMTH radio show special. I’d asked the guys if they wanted to come to mine after and the accepted.
Kevin appeared in the booth
“You seem happy to see your old friends Robyn.”
“Of course I am Kevin.” I laughed “I haven’t seen them in ages!”
“What about if the ex is here now?”
“That’s fine we’re talking again now...” Oli turned up, towering above Kevin and me. I hugged him tightly when Kevin moved and he squeezed back and rested his head on mine. He smelled so familiar. He’d put more weight on and looked happier and more herself and more like himself again – still didn’t like his hair, but it was his choice.
“I haven’t seen you for ages.” I whispered
“I’ve been sorting some things out. We going to see Alex anytime soon.”
“Nope I’m taking over.” I pulled back and smiled
“Great!” His voice held so much excitement so much that I was shocked when I heard it.

Fifteen minutes later we started the show with a good laugh and a full list of their songs. I played Don’t Go and one of Alex’s questions were “What is this song about?” I was already hurt that It Never Ends was about Oli’s life.
“It’s about an old girlfriend of Oli’s who he fell for hard and she broke up with him, I’ve never seen this guys so hung up over a girl.” Matt explained almost brining me to tears. I mouthed pile on the guilt!
“That leads me to the next question about who has girlfriends?” I smiled
“Me,” Lee
“Meeeee” Matt N
“I’m engaged” Matt K
“Neither me nor Jonah do.” Oli announced with a proud smile. My heart almost exploded when he winked at me.
“Cool, many teenage girls are both heart broken and have their hopes up again. Are you guys going to appear at the Kerrang! Awards next week?”
“Hell yes! We are nominated for best album for our new album! We’re going to get wrecked whether we win or not.”
“Which leads me to a question Miss Holley.” Oli said mysteriously I glared at him for giving my last name.
“Will you accompany me to the Kerrang! Awards?” My mouth dropped as my eyes met his- he was seriously asking me on a date over the biggest alternative radio station in the UK!
“Was this planned?” I looked at Jonah. All the men in front of me shook their heads but were looking between me and Oli.
“Ummm I dunno-” I didn’t know what to say. I decided to end the hour long show now. “Well, I’m going to finish here and play you Alligator Blood and Pray For Plagues.” I put the songs on.
“I’m sorry to say this Oli but are you trying to kill my career?” I looked at him,
“I didn’t realize that it would, I’m sorry.” Oli looked to Jonah as we were stood in the booth now.
“You going to answer his question?” Jonah asked
“Yes I will go to the Kerrang! Awards with you next week for a date. Now if you excuse me I have to go and see my boss.” I left and went into the bosses office and explained everything and apologised for the proposal in the middle of the show. I met the guys quarter of an hour later and announced I wasn’t getting sacked because the boss thought that him proposing a date and catching me out was hilarious. I looked up at Oli who protectively had an arm around my waist as he whispered, sorry endlessly in my ear.

The Guys came back to my little flay and we all chilled. I was cuddled into my man; it was nice to see his tattoos again in real life. I missed his colourful body so much it almost made me cry. His arms wrapped lovingly around me, his lips pressed to my temple every now and again, I’d smile every time. I had changed into something more comfortable, and old jumper I’d stolen off of Tom, my snap-back purple Batman cap (I liked the Irony) and loose pj trousers, a cup of tea and BMTH around me made for a perfect life, Horizon drank the alcohol in my fridge.
It was nice to catch up. Since I hadn’t seen the boys in ages. Every time Oliver moved, one of them would take his place. After four hours of them attempting to ruin my house, they left when it became a healthy eleven o’clock pm; they said they’d go home. They asked Oli what he was doing when he stalled from moving from me.
“I’d like to stay here with Robyn, if she’ll let me.” I smiled at him and hugged his waist.
Once the flat was empty, all that was left was me and the man of my dreams. Oh God, why was I so insecure to walk away.
“What now?” he asked “I don’t want to rush us; I want you to be sure.”
“Oh believe me Oliver, I’m sure. I’m not like I was that night, sweetie.” I threw myself into his arms. I jumped wrapping my arms around his neck and squeezing him closer to me as he swung me side to side gently. He was smelling my neck his favorite sent he always told me, that subtle musk of Pacco Robbanne, Lady million perfume and Lynx Attract for women.
I pressed my nose against his and look into his deep brown eyes that held the most hope for us I’d ever since before we split up.
“I love you” he whispered, looking into my eyes.
“And I have always loved you” I pressed my lips to his in a heated kiss. He carried me to the bedroom where, you’d presume, considering I had missed him for nearly two years I’d gladly subdue to the bliss and the talent he produced in the bedroom.
As his hands travelled inside my jumper, I stopped him.
“I thought this is what you wanted?” supporting himself on his elbows, his groin still pressed to mine.
“It is, just...not yet. I want it to be like the first time we were in bed together” he smiled widely obviously enjoying the memory. He led beside me, coving my body with the sheet and got under himself, wrapping his arms around me while I led on his bare completely tattooed torso, he kept his jeans on and left me fully clothed while soothing me by running his hand over my long hair. I eventually fell asleep.

When I woke up, I turned over. In the pit of my stomach I felt it was a dream, a horrible, torturous dream. When I saw his calm sleeping expression, that slight mustache, short dark brown, slightly curled hair and Mexican tattoo on his right eye. He smiled took my hand taking it to his lips.
“That was by far the best sleep I have had in a long time.” He pulled me closer, I smiled at him snuggling up to his warm body. Something I had missed for a very, very long time.
“I’ve been having bad sleeps a lot in the last couple of years.” I looked at him so he knew I was on about the fact he wasn’t in those sleeps. “Do you think that the fact we have both slept really well means that we should be together, the answers- yes oli” I prompted after he was winding me up by not answering. He kissed my head
“Always.” He muttered “Don’t leave me like you did again please?” he squeezed my shoulders
“Never, I know that now baby. I love you so much. I missed you.”

Oliver spent the day with me and then told me he had to go home. He’d finally moved out of the flat that I had considered home for three years of my life.
“It was hard to move when that place held so many memories of us, so many happy memories but there was one memory that ruined it, that night. I had to move it haunted me where ever I went. Oskar didn’t like not having you there and wasn’t overly fond of Megan either. When Megan found all the stuff I had kept of yours, the photos and everything. She decided enough was enough because my heart was already with someone else and I told her that actually it never left you.” I was almost in tears when he told me but I felt exactly the same about him! It hurt me how much I loved him. “I told you I’d be back in your arms.” He kissed me before he left “Bye baby, my giraffe.” No had called me that in what felt like forever, I’d missed even after how much I hated the nickname. My heart ached knowing he was leaving
I closed the door and pressed my back to it trying to catch my shaky breath as tears were clouding my vision. “Goodbye my once scene queen.”