If I Only Had The Heart

“Leigh” I heard Pat call. I rolled my eyes, damn, I’m just trying to listen to music.

“What’s up?” I asked from the top of the stairs.

“Jamie’s here.”

Uh, right. Why he didn’t call me before? Right dumbass, my battery died. I rushed downstairs, being careful to not miss a step and… well. That would be pretty bad if I rolled down the stairs, right?

Garrett, Trey, Pat and Halvo were playing Rock Band when I passed by them. Trey managed to poke my side earning a yelp from me and I smacked his forehead, making him curse loudly and the guys laugh.

Jamie was waiting for me outside, a mask of worry on his face as he fiddled with his phone.

“Hey, why are you waiting here? Come inside” I spoke, taking his hand.

He pecked my lips quickly and looked behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Garrett staring fiercely at us, but looked away when I pursed my lips.

“After yesterday, I rather stay here.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Garrett is a douche” I said and Jamie sighed. “What’s wrong? You seem worried.”

“Yes, uh” he frowned “my brother had an accident and I gotta go to Florida.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah, nothing serious, but he’s in the hospital and my parents want me to go see him.”

“When are you going?”

“My plane takes off in” Jamie lifted his arm and eyed his watch “two hours. I’m going straight to the airport, I just stopped to tell you an-“

“And” I interrupted him “give me a goodbye kiss.”

He grinned as I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him to a kiss. Laughs came from inside my house and I rolled my eyes inwardly.

“Call me when you get there okay?” I said when he let me go.

“It’s going to be late, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

I narrowed my eyes playfully and Jamie smiled; he kissed my cheek and hugged me before leave. I stood there, my arms crossed as I watched him drive away. The boys were still playing when I walked back inside.

“Do you wanna go out tonight?” Pat asked me as I sat on the floor next to him. I frowned.

“Jared and Tessa are coming too.”

Jared and Tessa?

“Okay! When are we leaving?”

“John’s going to call us. Maybe Austin is coming too.”

“Right, I’m gonna go get ready then.”

The bar where they decided to go was reeeally my thing. It wasn’t crowded, with music blasting from everywhere; it was calm, with some old song in the background.

“I’m gonna get wasted” John grinned, already ordering a beer to himself. I giggled, sitting on a stool next to Pat. Garrett sat by my other side, talking to Trey.

“Where’s Tessa? I only came to see her” I pouted.

“She’s coming; be good” Pat said.

“Aren’t I always?”

He shook his head.

We all ordered drinks until Jared and Tessa finally came. I hadn’t see her in a while and I missed her. Garrett moved away, so we could talk. Listening to her, I couldn’t understand how she could go to college, culinary school , run a blog and still have time for her personal life. I could barely take care of Pat.

Jared and Tim caught her attention and she left to talk to them. I rested my hands on my crossed legs and sighed; I guess I was alone again. Garrett, back in his spot next to me, sipped his drink and sighed. From the corner of my eye, I saw him steal a few glanced from me.

“I should apologize” he said quietly. I raised my eyebrows and turned to him.

“And why would you?”

“Because I said things I shouldn’t have.”

“What did you say?” I asked. Garrett gave me a stern look.

“I’m sorry Leigh. You’re right, I was j-jealous” the only word caught in his voice and he cleared his throat. “I said I hate you, but I don’t, I swear, I didn’t mean that, I was pissed and…” he breathed “I don’t hate you.”

“Well” I said awkwardly “I don’t hate you too.”

Garrett smiled at me, a real smile that I hadn’t seen in months and only now, I realized how much I had missed it.

“Why are you staring?” Garrett asked, grinning. I shook my head.

“What are you drinking?”

“Whiskey.”

“Seriously, Garrett?”

“What’s so wrong? Jack’s the best, you won’t deny it. What are you going to drink? Wine, really? It’s a bar.”

“What’s so wrong? Wine’s the best, you won’t deny it” I mocked him, then asked hopefully “do you think they have wine in here?”

“I don’t know… we should ask John.”

Garrett and I drank, like real bar dawgz as he would say, but not enough to get us drunk, alright. John was worse than us, but fur sure we were… well. Jared and Tessa left a long while ago, along with Trey and Halvo. John, Pat and Tim were playing pool – Pat was trying – and Garrett and I were still in the bar.

“Do you wanna go home?” Gare yawned.

“Are you sober enough?” I asked him playfully. He elbowed me and smiled. “You were right about one thing.”

“What?”

“Jack’s the best.”

“I told you so” he chuckled. I cupped the side of my face, pouting.

“My head hurts.”

“I should drive you home.”

”No, I wanna stay.”

”But you…” he stopped and sighed ”okay.”

My eyes searched around the room, looking for Tim and John; they were still playing. Garrett stood up and placed his hands on both sides of my hips, making me turn to him. In the same second I did, he leaned forward determinately.

I wanted to tell him to stop, but I didn’t know how to. Every cell of my body seemed to froze in the second his lips touched me. I gently placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed him.

”G-Garrett, no.”

Garrett closed his eyes for a second and rubbed his brow.

”Right, you have a boyfriend” he scoffed. I bit my lip. If I kept talking, I was going to say something reeeeeeeeeally stupid and shit would happen.

He scowled and I sighed. Tilting his head to the side, he managed to cast a glance at me.

”Though I don’t care and I still wanna kiss you.”

Right.

I slowly exhaled, already regretting what I was going to do.

”Kiss me, then” I whispered. His eyebrows shot up for a second, but he didn’t hesitate.

He scooted closer to me and took my face in his hands. His lips on mine were soft, as they had always been, but still passionate. I let my long flick on his lower lip and he met me instantly with his, heating up the kiss. With his hands on my legs again, he pulled me closer.

”Hey” I heard someone away from us say. John? or Tim? I didn’t care.

I sighed, feeling Garrett’s tongue graze on the inside of my lower lip one last time before he withdraws. With my eyes still closed, I leaned against his chest and he pressed his lips to the top of my head.

”I think we got their attention” Gare whispered and I looked up at him, confused. He was looking behind me, a smirk on his face. Tim and John were looking at us, amused expressions on their faces – well, John – and Pat was perplexed.

”I’ll go talk to them.”

I detached myself from him and walked up to the pool table.

”I don’t wanna know” Tim commented quickly. I giggled.

They mostly ignored me, thinking I would ruin their game, so I stayed close to Pat. Garrett was still in the bar, drinking his whiskey. I was so bored standing there that I began to feel tired. I yawned and Tim stopped behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

”Do you want me to take you home?”

”No, Garrett will…” I broke off when Tim shot me a oh-no-he-won’t face, making me sigh.

”Okay, let me just tell him.”

”What did they said?” Gare asked as I paced back to the bar.

”Nothing… Isn’t that weird?” I asked. He smiled and I pouted. ”Tim is taking me home.”

”But I said I’m taking you.”

”Well, you know him” I drawled.

”Yes, I do” he sighed; ”he’s waiting for you.”

I glanced back to where Tim was talking to John. He laughed at something and glanced back at us. I bit my lip and hugged Garrett, hiding my face I his chest. He pressed me into him and whispered goodbye.

Tim drove me home, and we were quiet most of the time. Abbey didn’t come with us because she was in San Diego again, visiting family, which became very often since her niece was born.

When Tim stopped next to my house, I quickly said goodnight and headed out, trying to avoid any last time topics about Garrett. Pat said they had to discuss something, so Gare would bring him later.

Even thought I tried to escape, Tim stopped me before I could go inside.

”Leigh, what are you doing?”

”Trying to go home, duh.”

”No, what’s up between you and Gare?”

Oh cool. A smile played with the corner of my lips before I could answer.

”Nothing.”

”Sure” he scoffed.

”It’s nothing okay? He’s just my best friend. He was apologizing for… ya know.”

”Yeah, great way to apologize.”

I rolled my eyes.

”Shut up, will, you?”

”Don’t talk to me like that.”

”Yes I do. I’m going home okay, I’m tired. Goooooooooooooooooooooooooodnight.”

”Hey, wait. Are you going to the office tomorrow?”

”Yeah, I gotta work right?”

My parents were already sleeping when I got to my house, so I went straight to my room ti pick up some clothes and headed to the shower. When I came back, the door to Pat’s room was closed, but I heard shuffling and voices, so he was probably recording some video. Tim’s room was also closed, which is weird, but the light was off, so I guess Pat closed the door before going to his room.

I shrugged and ran downstairs. If before I was tired, right now I was more than electric. I laid down on the floor, fluffing a pillow beneath my head and turned on the tv. Ohhhhh, Gremlins; great movie to play at 2 am. Halfway through the movie, after making many “aww” sounds – blame Gizmo - I heard someone pacing around the house. I looked up to find Garrett behind the couch, looking at the screen. He was wearing a plain white V and some plaid blue pants.

”What are you doing here?” I asked. He looked between me and the tv.

”Uh, hey. My parents aren’t home and I didn’t get my keys so Pat suggested me to stay here” he whispered, rubbing his messy hair.

I pursed my lips, absorbing what he said; well… I moved to the side and indicated the empty space beside me.

”Lie down.”

Gare smirked and laid next to me. I leaned my head on his chest as he cradled my body against him.

”Gremlins… classic.”

“Gizmo is cute” I mumbled.

Garrett chuckled and I smiled, my arm on his waist. His thumb absently rubbed my arm, as I tried to pay attention to whatever Gizmo and Billy were doing, but I couldn’t. Not when Garrett was here.

I bit my lip and Garrett looked down at me, a quizzically look on his face. I shook my head lightly, moving my attention back to the movie.

”What’s bothering you?” he asked softly. I sighed, shaking my head again. ”Leigh, you know you can talk to me.”

Here’s the thing: I’m a very reactive person, or what you can call a brainless person; actions first, thoughts later kind of deal, so I didn’t think before kiss him.

He was surprised at first, but didn’t protest. He kissed me, using his hand to move my hair away from my face. His lips ghosted once, twice, giving me the chance to breathe before he deepened the kiss again. Wow, twice in a night?

”What was that for?” he whispered playfully, brushing his lips against the side of my face. I shrugged. Uh… I’m a brainless person, remember? I didn’t have an answer for that.

”I-I don’t know. Does it really matter?” I bit my lip, then grimaced.

”No, as long as you kiss me again.’’