Looking For Misery

Pat sat on the kitchen table watching as Garrett and John made breakfast. His head was pounding and his body ached. He wanted to go to bed and just sleep for the rest of his life, but he couldn't because John wanted to start working on their new album. Pat tugged at the roots of his hair and rested his head on the table. "Can I please go to sleep." Pat mumbled looking up to John and Garrett.

"You can't we need to work on this song John wrote." setting a plate of food in front of Pat.

Pat stared at the plate before picking up his fork and pushing the clump of eggs around. John took a seat next to him with his own plate of food. "I promise we'll only take a few hours." John promised brushing his hand up and down Pat's spine. John lightly kissed Pat's cheek before turning his attention to his own food.

Pat sighed quietly and continued to pick at his food not wanting to eat it. The door bell rang and Pat quickly hurried to answer the door, finding it a perfect opportunity to stray away from his food. He pushed open the front door and there stood Kennedy. They stared at each other for a moment and awkward vibe falling over them. "Hey." Kennedy whispered quietly. "How have you been?"

"I've been better." Pat whispered quietly purposely ignoring Kennedy's eye. "And you?" Pat asked letting Kennedy in and closing the door behind him.

Pat sat on the couch looking up to Kennedy. They were both silent, Kennedy was dying to say something to Pat. Dying to apologize for everything he's done, dying to ask him to be his once more. "Pat!" John called from the kitchen.

Seconds later John appeared in the front room curiously looking for Pat. Once his eyes landed on the small long haired boy he smiled, "What's taking you so long?" John asked walking over to Pat and sitting next to him. Pat simply shrugged and avoided John's eyes. "Maybe we should check out some of what you wrote." Pat suggested.

Garrett came running into the room a piece of toast hanging from his lips. He jumped onto the couch landing on Kennedy's lap. "Are we starting?" he asked through a mouth full of food.

"Let me get my notebook." John said hurrying up the stairs. For the next few hours all five boys stayed in the living room of John's apartment working on a new song. There was a lot of joking and laughing then actually working but it wasn't much of a problem to anyone.

At about five in the evening Jared and John decided to go out to buy some food for everyone leaving Kennedy, Garret and Pat alone in the house. Garrett was blabbing on and on about nonsense and Kennedy paid attention only so that Garrett wouldn't get upset. However Pat was sitting in the corner of the couch holding a pillow close to his chest staring at the two boys talk. He would constantly find himself staring at Kennedy. He liked the way Kennedy's eyes would shine when he laughed and the way his smile was wide and cheerful.

It would remind Pat of the old days. When they were on good terms, when their friendship came with no complications. No hurtful past. "I need to pee." Pat whispered standing up and hurrying to the nearest bathroom. His mind was racing and his thoughts were scattered. He tugged at his hair as he felt the tears pour from his eyes. He searched through the cabinets looking for the one thing that would calm him. He quickly found the razor that he hid the day he threatening to kill himself. That night he snuck away from John's room and into the bathroom to hid his razor. Find the razor he lightly closed the cabinet and rested against the tub. His hands were shaking and his face was wet with tears.

John would notice in a second if he had cut himself. John would sense it and then bombard Pat with questions and beg for an answer as to why he resulted to this. "Pat you've been in there for a while are you ok?" Kennedy's voice rang through into the bathroom. Pat let out a soft sob and pushed open the door throwing himself into Kennedy's arms. "P-Pat are you ok. What happened?" Kennedy asked wrapping his arm's tightly around Pat's thin body.

Pat didn't respond, he only sobbed into Kennedy's chest. "K-Kenny." Pat cried looking up to Kennedy with large sad eyes. "Kenny p-please." Pat cried.

"What's wrong Pat?" Kennedy whispered leading Pat into the bedroom. Kennedy sat Pat on the bed holding him tightly as he ran his fingers through Pat's hair. "Tell me what's wrong." Kennedy whispered quietly kissing the top of Pat's head.

"I-I d-don't know." Pat admitted crying even harder. Kennedy pulled Pat's chin up showing his face wet with tears.

"I love you Pat." Kennedy whispered leaning forward and pressing their lips together. Pat could feel an eruption of butterflies in his stomach. But then he remember John, and the cruel things Kennedy did. Sense came to him and he quickly pushed Kennedy away, "Leave me alone." Pat cried. "Leave me a alone." Pat cried pushing Kennedy out the room.

Once Kennedy was the room he slipped to the floor and let out a loud sob. He loved Kennedy, he loved Kennedy so much.