Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

“What are you doing?” Jonna asked before the door was even fully opened, bitterness dripping from each word. He pulled his hand away from the frame and just held it in the air, as if it would help words come to him - he needn’t of, as Jonna cut him off as he drew breath, “Mija text me, saying you were standing staring at the door.”

“I-“

“What are you doing here?” she demanded to know, shifting her minimal weight onto one leg.

“This is my home.”

“Barely.” she scoffed, “What do you want?” he closed his eyes for a moment longer than blinking, took a deep breath and exhaled; this was it, no turning back.

“I take back what I said, about being over. I didn’t mean it.”

“I went to that scan on my own, do you know how embarrassing that was?” he thought of Milly, all the times she would have gone alone and how she was now selflessly sacrificing her heart so as Jonna wouldn’t have to go through that pain.

“I’m sorry you had to do that alone.. I was wrong to let that happen.”

“Where did you go? Or need I bother asking?” she asked, pursing her lips, her long manicured fingers of her left hand gripping the door tightly.

“You know where I went.”

“To her.” she snarled.

“To my son, Jonna.”

“But you would have spoken to her; told her every sordid detail of our argument-“ she laughed bitterly, “Oh, I’ll bet she loved that! ”

“Jonna,” Ville barked, catching her off guard, “I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for Milly taking your side, so just watch what you have to say about her.”

“Took my side?” she asked, critically. “What does that even mean?”

“It means exactly what I said. And now I’m here, do you really want to question it further?”

“I know you slept with her.” she remarked, her face confused as to why Milly would back her on anything. Ville shook his head, more so to try and shake the images of Milly and him flashing through his mind. He did not want to open that can of worms with Jonna right now.

“Jonna, let me in.”

“You need to realise that we are getting married Ville. We are having a baby.”

“I’m aware.”

“Not enough.”

“What?”

“I want a party.”

“You seem to want a lot of things.” he couldn’t help himself, the words tumbled out of his mouth. “I’m sorry.”

“I want an engagement party come baby shower. Everyone has been asking why I haven’t had one yet.” he couldn’t help but be sickened by her use of the word ‘I’ as opposed to ‘we’.

“Then have one?”

“Without a finance..?” she scoffed.

“I’m here aren’t I, I’m right fucking here Jonna.”

“You left your son to come back to me?” she asked, selfishly optimistic. Ville shuffled, his body becoming rigid.

“Not exactly. They’re here, in Finland, we caught the same flight.” Her face turned to thunder.

“You brought her with you?” she bellowed, attempting to slam the door in his face. He pre-empted this act and moved his body in the way, pushing the door back and stepping fully into his apartment, closing the door behind him.

“Yes, and my son.” he shouted back, “You can’t stop her from being in her home country Jonna, jesus fucking christ.” he dragged his hand through his hair and took a breath. “This is just how it’s going to work okay, I have a child.. Milly is his mother, I can’t change that.”

“I wish you could.”

“Well I can’t!” he hollered. “She’s at the tower. I said she and Oscar could stay there.”

“She’s sleeping in your bed? I haven’t even slept in that fucking bed.” she crowed angrily.

“Jonna, get a fucking grip! We destroyed that woman with what we did, but still, she can stand back and fight for you - the woman who instigated her heart being ripped from her. Think about that for a fucking second will you.”

“Why?” she asked after a minute or two of thick silence. “Why did she fight for me?”

“Because she’s a bigger person than you are.” he replied simply, quietly, “Because despite her finding you in her bed, despite you ruining any chance of her telling me about Oscar herself, despite the fact that it leaves her as a single mother, she didn’t want you to go through what she did alone. She didn’t want you to experience the hurt or the loneliness of doing it alone. Her heart hurt, for you Jonna.” her face had softened as he spoke, she felt toxic, she couldn’t fathom why anyone would do that for her. She sat down next to Ville, placing one hand on her stomach and the other beside her.

“Do you love her?” his head bowed and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I’ve always loved her Jonna.”

“Do you love me?”

“You make it very difficult to love you, you know that.”

“But do you love me?” she asked again, “Do you want to marry me, have this baby?”

“Yes.” he replied generally, not having to commit to a lie that he did love her. His stomach twisted and turned with bile, none of this felt right, he felt as if this were a big joke - a dream even - that any second he would wake up and none o this would be real, that he’d never made such a mistake; that Milly had gotten home that night to find him in the bed asleep amongst sheets upon sheets of lyrics, not with Jonna, that they had held each other in excitement over their baby.

“Prove it.” she placed a hand domineeringly on his knee, sliding it up his thigh.

————

“It’s been five days. We should send a search party.” Linde suggested as he tuned his guitar strings,

“Or a wheelchair for poor Milly.” Mige snorted. Linde threw a semi-disgusted glance at his pal, who simply raised his brow as if to say ‘I’m not wrong’, causing him to chuckle

“Will it be weird now, do you think?”

“Weird? Why would it be weird? We’ve known longer than they have. Everyone has known longer than they have.” he sat himself on a stool, tossing his pick onto a nearby table, “The only thing it’s going to change is us not being able to get shitty if his doesn’t turn up to the studio.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Come on man, they’re in love..” he sang, before making kissing noises and faces at him, stopping short when his phone began to ring, “A-ha! The man himself, ears burning Valo? Or just your loins?”

————

“We’re going to have to make contact with the outside world at some point. I haven’t worn my own clothes for days.” she laughed, clambering back onto the bed holding two cups of tea, wearing Ville’s red button up shirt. He gladly took his cup and placed his free hand on her thigh.

“You’ve barely worn any clothes for days.” he winked.

“Oh shush.” she smiled.

“I just want to stay shut away with you all to myself a little longer.” he said as he nuzzled into her neck, kissing her skin softly. “To do exactly as I please with you.”

“As lovely as that would be, you have to work, I have to work.. We have stuff to catch up on.”

“Yes, years worth of ‘stuff’ to catch up on.” he chuckled, pulling away from her neck and quickly kissing her lips. She found herself giving into it a little to easily for someone trying to hold an adult conversation. Without breaking lip contact once, he had managed to get both cups and place them on the nightstand, before returning his hands to roam her body.

“Ville…” she breathed as he moved on top of her, his fingers dragging down her side, “at least call the guys.” he nodded and fumbled his hand again on the nightstand for the phone. He dialled without looking, he was too busy kissing her chest as his other hand traced slowly up her thigh, “Ville, don’t call him n- Ohh..”

“A-ha! The man himself, ears burning Valo? Or just your loins?” Mige answered.

“You’re a funny man Mige.” he responded before proceeding the lick the space between her breasts, travelling his tongue up her neck to her ear, his hand still teasing the sensitive skin of her upper legs.

“So, will we see you again or is it fuckfest 2000 over there or what?” he chuckled. Ville bit down on her earlobe just as his fingers slid her underwear to the side, she tried to push his hand away but Ville became unrelenting in his touch. Her hips raised slightly from the mattress and she let out a pleasurable groan. She clamped her hand to her mouth. “Did she just.. are you..!” he exclaimed, “Oh buddy, this feels so wrong.”

“I don’t know what you’re tal-“ Milly snatched the phone from his hand and pushed him off of her abruptly.

“Mige?” she questioned.

“Matilda..” he swooned, laughing, naturally.

“Not to worry,” she said, eyes widened at Ville, “I’m putting him in a cab. He’s all yours.”

“Oh, but you sounded like you were having such a good time.” he replied, putting long drawn out emphasis on ‘good’.

“I stubbed my toe.” she said blankly.

“Ha!” he exclaimed, “Well, stub it one more time then put the old boy in a cab. We’ve got work t-” she hung up the phone and prodded it into Ville’s chest.

“You are in big trouble.” she threatened. He looked naughtily amused, his lips pouted and his eyebrow cocked.

“Is that so..” he asked, reaching his long arm forward and hooking his finger over the button panel of the shirt she was wearing, effortlessly flicking the button out of the button hole, “Guess I’ll have to be punished?”

“Oh, you wish that were the case.” she remarked, swatting his hand away and re-buttoning the shirt, before hopping off the bed, “Shower. You have to work, you can’t go there smelling like a sexy wild man.”

“Yes I can.” he said defensively, “This is my favourite smell, besides your hair.” he added honestly.

“My hair is your favourite smell?” he nodded, with a sweet smile.

“Yeah.. Every time I’ve ever hugged you I’ve felt like a pervert for breathing in the smell of your hair longer than I should have..”

“Ville.” she smiled, she was touched. His expression turned suggestive, “Still no, get up. Shower!” she laughed demandingly.

“Okay, okay.. You’re right.” he conceded, getting out of the bed, “I should shower. Kiss?”

“Just the one.” she smiled, he prowled toward her, placing one hand at the small of her back, scooping him up into her, kissing her lovingly. “Okay…” she smiled.

“Yes, I’m going.” he affirmed proudly, “But you’re coming with me.” he said calmly.

“What?” before she knew it he had flipped her up over his shoulder and was on his way to the bathroom. In one simple motion he he stepped them both into the shower and turned the water on. She squealed as it hit her back and slapped her hands against Ville’s backside and legs as he laughed. “You bastard, put me down! It’s freezing!”

“But you’re so hot.” he replied, smugly, as he placed her down right under the cascade of water. She reached up and turned the head to blast into his face completely. They play fought in the water until it had warmed up, slowly he peeled the soaked shirt from her torso and discarded it to the side, before doing very much the same with her underwear, “Well, I’m showering..” he stated, his fingers delicately moving long pieces of her dark hair away from obscuring her chest.

“One can hardly shower correctly whilst still wearing his Calvin Klines.” she retorted, pinging the elasticated band against his skin cheekily. He looked down at them and shrugged.

“They’re the only thing stopping me from taking advantage of your naked state.”

“What party poopers.” she frowned, forcing them down effortlessly.