The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

When you saw me, then Evan, and then looked at me again, I almost started to cry. The look in your face was so damaged, and I didn’t know what to do. When Miranda looked at me with a wicked little grin, I dropped my eyebrows down and pursed my lips, fixing my dress and getting up. You ran like someone who had just seen a ghost would run, and I sighed.

“Whoa, Ellenor Bishop, breakin’ her best friend’s heart,” Miranda said in a serpentine-like manner, tilting her head to the side with a grin on her face. “Well, doesn’t matter anyway, I’ll go pick up the pieces,” she whispered. That’s when something clicked in me, and my fists clenched.

“Don’t you fucking go near him, Miranda…” I said through gritted teeth. She turned around to look at me, eyebrows raised and another smile on her olive-skinned face.

“Ooh, Ella, telling me what to do. What’re you going to do, sweetie? Hmm? Sounded like a threat underneath that sweet-sounding voice,” Miranda replied, crossing her arms and standing there like a tree. I stumbled slightly, kicking off my high-heels.

“If you go anywhere near him I swear to God…” I replied, looking at her with hatred in my head.

“You swear to God… What? What could you possibly do to stop me from going near mister Joey?” The siren asked, dropping her arms and walking closer to me. I didn’t falter nor did I move, I just stood there.

“You hurt him once, and I’m not going to let you do it again,” I stated, still standing there.

“Oh, honey, don’t you get it? I had Joey wrapped around my pretty little finger. For an entire year. So, if you excuse me, I’m going to go get him back,” Miranda then turned back around on her six-inch stiletto heels and started to click-clack away toward you.

“El, I know… I know you want to go after her, but don’t, just stay here with me,” Evan said sweetly. I ignored him, though, and walked after the tall blonde, gripping onto her arm and yanking her back toward me.

“Ow, what the fuck Bishop? Don’t fucking touch me!” The girl exclaimed, turning around and swatting my hand off of her arm. “If you fucking touch me again, I swear to fucking God, I will snatch that pretty little hair off of your pretty little head,” she threatened. That’s when people started to notice, and they stopped what they were doing and turned to us two. I sobered up pretty quickly, all of the alcohol racing away through my veins and the effects wearing off just a bit.

“Don’t go ruin him more than I’ve already ruined him. He’s had enough emotional damage. Look, Miranda, I hate getting violent, okay? And, frankly, I don’t want to hurt you, but Joey is my best friend. I was there for him the entire fucking time you guys dated. I listened to all the shit you did to him, and I was there for him when you broke his heart…” I explained, looking at Miranda with my lips firmly pressed together.

“El, this is different for you. I’ve never seen you get this way before… I like it. I want you to hit me, bitch. Fucking hit me,” she hissed, shoving me. I shoved her back and then she pulled my hair. I didn’t know what else to do beside punch her in her throat, and so I made a fist and brought my arm back, shoving it into Miranda Huel‘s pretty little neck with force. When she got knocked back against the wall and collapsed, I shoved past her and the crowd and then saw you outside. I ran up to you, and you had a toothpick in your mouth. The only times you had a toothpick was when you were done eating, were angry, or just on a whim, so it was obviously not the first or the latter, but anger.

“Joey… Joey,” I said, out of breath from rushing up the street and from the scuffle. “Joey, I--”

“Save it, El… I can’t fucking believe you. What the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t fucking call me or text me for a while, alright? I need to fucking get away from you. I… fuck…” You trailed off. You pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and wandered off. I walked after you, tears forming in my eyes. It started to rain, and I guess that made me even more sad because you and I both loved the summer rain. Not to mention, it was starting to thunder and there were lightening strikes off in the dsitance.

“For the record, this wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t fucking ditch me for Miranda!” I yelled after you, but it was no use. You put your hood up on your jacket, and I collapsed onto the sidewalk in my nice party dress. My make up was running, my hair was ruined, and I didn’t even want to chance going back into the house. I sat there, and I cried, because I knew it wouldn’t get any better for a while. But I was drunk, and you ditched me, and Evan was there and I vented and a mistake happened.

“Ella, Ella… No, what are you doing?” I heard that familiar quiet voice and I sniffled, pushing my hair out of my face. “Ella, please get up…” Evan said after a moment of me not replying. His footsteps fell onto the sidewalk puddles and stopped right beside me and he knelt, looking at me. “I brought your shoes… I thought you left with out them, I thought you left me,” he murmured. I looked over at him and wiped my eyes, frowning.

“Evan… I fucked up so much, I am so sorry I did this,” I whispered. He shook his head and wrapped his arms around my shivering and dampened body. I fell against him and let out a sob.

“No, no, it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have… I didn’t know you two had this thing like that,” the scruffy teen replied, raising back up to his feet. “Come on, I’ll take you home,” he offered.

“I’m too weak to walk. That took everything out of me,” I said quietly. I looked up at hazel-eyes and sniffled.

“I’ll carry you, just carry your shoes,” Evan then proceeded to pick me up and hold me like grooms did to their brides when they went through the threshold of their honeymoon suite. I gripped my shoes tightly to me and looked forward, trying to process everything that had taken place. “For the record, you know how to fight. Miranda fucking ran away and cried because she didn’t think you would hit her like that. She’s not going to do anything, I guess, she said she was too embarrassed. I over heard her speaking to a friend of her’s,” he explained, smirking slightly.

“I’ve never punched anyone in a serious manner before,” slowly I looked up at him and ran my fingers down his face. “Evan, I’m… I’m not so drunk anymore,” I admitted. “And I’m scared about Joey,” I added.

“He’ll come around eventually if you gain his trust back…” The guy replied. I sighed and shrugged, listening to the rolling thunder and the increasingly hard rain.

-----

Evan took me home, carrying me up my stairs and into my bedroom, setting me down on the bed. I guessed that my dad and Margo must have went to bed because they were nowhere to be seen. Evan was nice enough to get him and myself towels, and then proceeded to dry me off. I didn’t know how to act or what to do because in all honesty I thought that I would wind up going back home with you and we would lay in bed together, talking about nothing and everything like we did.

“Ella, we have to get you out of these wet clothes,” I heard him say. I looked up from my lap and dried off my hair, shrugging.

“I think that I’ll be fine. Besides, I’d feel bad getting into warm clothes and you still being in your wet and cold ones,” I replied.

“No, you need to get changed, El. Here, I’ll go in another room or something and wait, just tell me when you’re done and I’ll come back in and chill for a bit and then leave,” Evan ran his fingers through his dark hair and then he set the towel he was using down onto the foot of my bed.

“Evan, wait, just stay okay? I need to wear off the rest of this booze and I could really use someone to be here for me. I mean, what if I wake up in the middle of the night all scared and in a panic?” I questioned, pouting.

“Alright, alright, I’ll stay,” he murmured. “Still, get changed,” he ordered. I stood back up and unzipped my dress half-way, turning my back toward Evan and pulling my hair out of the way.

“Can you unzip me? I always need help with these types of dresses…” And he did, unzipping my dress. I took it off and he turned around, covering his eyes.

“God dammit El, I told you I’d leave,” the dark-haired teen said.

“No, I’m not getting dressed, I’m just taking my dress off…” I replied. I then walked around to in front of him and looked up at him, taking his wet coat off and throwing it into my laundry basket. I watched his eyes watch my movement, then my hands, and then my chest. I felt wanted, then, and I guess I just needed to do something to get my mind off of you and so I did, but it wasn’t the wisest decision to make. I placed my hands on the sides of Evan’s neck and brought him down to my height, kissing him like we had back at Trevor’s house. He let his hands settle on my bare hips, thumbs rubbing my skin until my entire body was covered in goosebumps. I couldn’t really tell if they were from me being cold or his soothing and calloused touch, but I ignored it and kept kissing him. The inner part of me was taking control, and I let it.

“Are… Are you sure this is alright? I mean, what about Joey?” Evan asked after he pulled away slightly to look at me with a questioning expression.

“Fuck Joey, right now it’s just us and I think this is all that it’s going to be for a while,” I whispered, brushing my red lipstick stained lips against his light-pink and slightly chapped ones. He nodded in reply and then lifted me up like a rag doll, setting me down on top of my bed. Evan hovered atop of me as our lips worked against each other, though the kiss felt more caring than it did before at Trevor’s house. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him take control, for I had never done that before. I wanted to know what it felt like to feel another’s bare skin against my own, and to be honest I never saw myself directly doing that with you. I felt his hand slide up and under my head, pushing it closer to his own. His other hand supported himself, resting up above me, and then my hands grew minds of their own and gripped at his wet t-shirt material, yanking it up as far as they could until we had to separate so it could come off.

“Oh God, El, this is embarrassing, but I’ve dreamed about doing this with you before,” Evan murmured after his t-shirt came off, hands still where they were. I smiled, feeling confident about myself. It was almost as if with each heavy breath, with each skin-to-skin contact, and with each tongue-to-tongue connection, a deep-rooted feeling toward Evan came that I wasn’t aware of before. Though the fact that this was all so new to me scared me, comfort washed over me and I felt safe and wanted and loved, and I wanted that. “Now are you sure you want this?” I heard through my clouded ears, and I nodded. I lifted my head up to where my lips were right next to his ear and exhaled shakily.

“I don’t know how to do any of this, Evan, so I’m not sure, but… Please help me know,” I whispered, kissing his ear lobe gently.

“Okay, okay. I promise I’ll stop if you change your mind, alright? And I promise I’ll keep you safe and secure and not hurt you,” hazel-eyes said earnestly, lips lightly touching my skin. His hand gripped onto my hair and I closed my eyes. The slightly-chapped lips that were against my own moments prior were now on my neck and jaw line and collarbones and I let out another shaky breath.

“You’re… You’re so… Oh god…” I breathed out, his hand moving from my hair and against my panties once more. “Evan I-I… I’m a vir-virgin,” I choked out, hoping he knew that already and he didn’t stop.

“I know, shh, sweetheart, just let me take care of you,” he said. I nodded in response and let my hands wander as his lips went back to my neck. I gripped at his worn-out belt buckle and undid it, pulling it off slightly before unbuttoning his pants. Removing his rough hand from my underwear and sliding it up to my back, Evan unhooked my strapless bra and pulled it off, then threw it somewhere across my room. I brought my lips back to his and then yanked down his pants, our hips now grinding together. I got that familiar tingle in my body and I knew that it was going to happen. And it did.

When our clothes were gone and the quiet teen who I barely knew anything about weeks before grabbed a condom out of his wallet, our bodies meshed together and he caressed me and held me. Then he was inside me and a sharp feeling came over my body, a groan of pain sounding. He stopped and I shook my head, pulling him closer to me to tell him it was alright. And it was, everything was alright. It all changed and I lost something that I could never replace.

Evan and I, as cheesy as it sounds, didn’t have sex that night; we made love. We made love to the sound of the rain and thunder, and we made love without either of us feeling bad about it.