If I Was Your Boyfriend

Justin’s Point of View

I grab my duffle bag from the empty passenger seat and jog up the spiral steps leading up to Selena’s door.

‘You’re back just in time.’ Her mom smiles warmly at me with fresh sheets in her arms. ‘The guest room is ready for you.’

‘Thank you.’ I nod as firmly as I could.

I tried to keep this brave face going but everything was just so screwed up right now. I had two girls that both needed me right now. One, my ex, kept this huge secret from me for months now. She was still fragile, almost like I had opened up a wound all over again. The other, the absolute love of my life, stared at me when I was leaving as if I told her that I was never coming back. It killed me leaving Chrissy in that apartment all alone but what else was I supposed to do? Apart of me knew that Chrissy and Selena were both constantly fighting for my attention and support but this, this was out of my control. I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing or where I should be. I hadn’t been with Selena but a good amount of hours I already felt that I was extending myself to lengths I could never measure up to.

‘Is everything alright?’ Selena’s mom crashing into my thoughts and I was thankful. ‘You seem a little pale.’

‘I just need to sit down. This is so much to take in.’

‘Come on, come sit in the kitchen with me.’

I follow her, dropping my duffle bag on the sofa. She goes over to the fredigator taking out a large pot.

‘It’s your favorite.’

‘Ah, your spaghetti.’ I stiff out a laugh shaking my head, ‘I don’t mind if I do.’

After heating up a bowl of spaghetti she sits across from me drinking some tea. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I started eating. I devoured the entire bowl within five minutes and ended up getting seconds.

‘Thank you.’

‘I’m so happy you’re here. How are you doing?’

‘I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.’

‘That’s understandable.’ She replies simply, ‘I know that it’s quite a lot to take in.’

‘I just can’t help but think how different things would be if she didn’t lose the baby.’

‘I find myself thinking the same thing.’

‘Do you know whether she wanted to keep it or not?’

‘We talked about it before. She’s always said how she would have if things turned out different. She says how she would’ve taken a break from her career to take care of her priorities. She would’ve turned the guest room into a bright colored nursery.’

I spent over an hour talking to Selena’s mom before heading off to the guest room. I plug my phone into its charger then head across the hall to go Selena’s room. She lied in her bed staring at the ceiling with a blank expression. I carefully take the chair next the bed looking at the TV.

‘What?’ she speaks annoyed.

‘Look, I’m clearly aware that you want nothing to do with me. You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder all day but I’m here. This isn’t just upsetting you, it’s bothering me too.’

‘That’s not true. All I have ever wanted was something to do with you.’

‘Then can we just be here for each other, right now?’ I move over to sit on the edge of the bed.

‘Okay.’ She gives in sitting up, folding her legs over one another. ‘Justin?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Thanks.’ She gives me a weary smile through a short sniffle.

‘Don’t.’ I assure her extending my arms.

Selena moves over allowing herself to be comforted by me. She hides her face in my tee shirt wrapping her arms around me tightly. Something in the pit of my stomach didn’t sit right. I needed to go. I needed to find Chrissy and promise her that I’m still hers. How could I tell Selena that I was here for her then jump up and leave? I sit there quietly waiting for Selena to fall asleep. Then I’ll leave.

Chrissy’s Point of View

‘You’re back early.’ My mom squints rubbing her eyes in the wee hours of the morning, ‘I didn’t know you landed today.’

‘We sort of cut the trip short. Sorry for waking you up, I don’t know where my house key is right now.’

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘Not right now.’

‘Do you need anything?’

‘No thanks. I’ll see you in a few hours.’ I drag myself up to my room and collapse in my cool sheets.

I decide to call Justin once I was settled in bed. Of course, he doesn’t answer. I decide to leave a voicemail before I finally close my eyes.

Hi it’s me. I’m just lying in bed so I thought I would call and check in on you. Just letting you know that I’m not at the apartment anymore, but I locked everything back up. I’m just going to stay at home at least while you’re wherever you are. If by chance you come back tonight just let me know. Be sure to send Selena my condolences. I hope you know that I am here for you Jay, no matter what. I love you. Goodnight.

Justin’s Point of View

It was nine in the morning when I woke up beside Selena. I didn’t remember falling asleep but apparently I did. I kick the sheets of my body looking around, bewilder. My shirt was gone. Pants too. My head throbbed from the vicious hangover that was acting me. The last thing I remember was Selena and I going down to her step dad’s man cave and sneaking a six-pack. I look at Selena, sound asleep beside me – wearing what appeared to be nothing but my shirt. My heart immediately starts racing like crazy as I try to piece together last night. There was no way that we… We couldn’t. All we did was share a couple of beers. I think I had four of the six while she happily took two but nothing seems certain anymore. I nearly fall onto my feet trying to get out of the bed. I find my pants on the ground and sloppily step into them. I stuff my feet into my sneakers and practically run out of the room. I go to the guest room and grab a shirt from my bag and head downstairs.

‘Good morning, Justin.’ Mandy, Selena’s mom beams happily sipping her coffee, ‘Could I make you something to eat?’

‘No, thanks. I really should be going.’

‘Are you sure? I mean it’ll just take a second to make one of those omelets that you like so much.’

Even Selena’s mom making me all of this food that I used to like so much felt wrong. I needed to be with Chrissy again, as soon as possible.

‘No, really. I have to go. Could you tell Selena that I’ll talk to her later.’

‘Will you be coming back?’

‘No, I don’t think I will. Just have her call me whenever she wakes up so I can talk to her.’

‘I will.’

‘All right. Thank you.’ I clutch the duffle bag in my hand and go out the door not looking back.

I get into my car and start it up quickly.

‘You have one new voicemail,’ my car’s Bluetooth announces, ‘Would you like to listen to it now?’

‘Yes.’

‘Hi, it’s me.’ Chrissy’s voice announces lowly, ‘I’m just lying in bed so I thought I would call and check in on you. Just letting you know that I’m not at the apartment anymore, but I locked everything back up. I’m just going to stay at home at least while you’re wherever you are. If by chance you come back tonight just let me know. Be sure to send Selena my condolences. I hope you know that I am here for you Jay, no matter what. I love you. Goodnight.’

My heart sunk all the way down to my feet hearing Chrissy’s voice. I could hear the worry that rested in her voice. My mind plays back to my birthday party right when Chrissy and I got back together.

Don’t ever do that to me again. I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive you.

She told me this right after I made all of those promises to her for a second time, this time I said it in front of all my friends and family. Everyone there witnessed me confess my undeniable love for Chrissy. I was lucky enough to get her back after that recording she heard. I didn’t want to lose her again. I couldn’t lose her again. Not right now. Not when I needed her the most. But there’s no way of knowing that Selena and I actually did anything. Maybe I’m just getting ahead of myself. There’s no use of telling Chrissy something that I can’t explain right now anyway. I just needed Selena to wake up so she can put a stop to these assumptions I’m making. I was outside Chrissy’s house before I knew it. My heart and head throbs as I walk up the brick steps to knock on the door.

‘Hey, Justin. How are you?’ Jeff ushers me into the front door with his hand extended.

‘I’ve had my share of better days. Is Chrissy up?’

‘Yeah, she’s out back.’

‘Hey.’ I speak stepping out onto the patio behind Chrissy.

‘Justin!’ she immediately jumps up from her seat to hold me, ‘I’ve been worried sick about you! Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, I’m sorry I haven’t answered your calls. I didn’t have my phone with me much.’

‘Don’t worry about.’ She breathes still clinging tightly onto me, ‘I’m just happy you’re here.’

‘There’s no other place I would want to be.’

‘How is everything with Selena?’ she moves back to study my features. ‘Are you two okay?’

I wrap my arms around her burying my face into the crook of her neck so I wouldn’t have to look in her eyes. More importantly she wouldn’t have to look in mine.

‘Everything’s fine.’