If I Was Your Boyfriend
one hundred-forty five.
Justin’s Point of View
‘What did you just say?’ Selena questions, again and I couldn’t tell if she was stunned or offended.
‘My relationship might be ruined if something happened between you and me. I need to know.’
‘Are you kidding me right now?’ she glares at me, and I knew that she was offended. Big time.
‘I know that my relationship with Chrissy means nothing to you but it means the world to me and I need to know if there’s anything that might compromise it.’
‘If it means so much to you then why are you here?’
‘Because you called me!’ I shout, unexpectedly.
‘I’m sorry that I’m such an inconvenience in your life Justin. There’s no need to pity me. Just go to your stupid girlfriend.’
I could not win tonight. I had Chrissy pissed off at me. I had Selena pissed off at me. I was pissed off at myself. I was pissed off at the world right now actually.
‘I don’t know what you want from me.’ I sigh standing up from the chair. ‘You called me – I’m here.’
‘Yeah you’re here and all you care about is her. I don’t know why I bothered telling you anything. I was naïve to think that you could care about anything other than Chrissy Thorton. Just leave.’
‘You want me to leave?’ I question, looking down at her.
‘Yes. Leave.’
‘Fine.’ I walk over to the door and wrap my clammy hand over the knob. ‘Call if you need anything.’
‘I won’t.’
‘Okay Selena.’
‘And yeah, we did have sex. I hope she never looks at you again so you can know how it feels.’
I open my mouth but close it immediately. I nearly fall out onto my knees as I’m walking down the stairs. I screwed up. I screwed up big time. I’m going to lose her forever.
‘Oh, Justin. Leaving?’ Mandy inquires standing onto her feet.
‘Yep.’
‘I know its really none of my business with your current, relationship but I can’t help but believe that you possibly can’t be happy. I see how down you are and it upsets me. You and Sel were great together. There’s no reason to be somewhere you don’t feel comfortable.’
‘You’re right – I don’t feel comfortable so I’m just gonna go. By the way, it really isn’t any of your business. With all due respect you don’t know a single thing about my relationship. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t talk about things you don’t know about.’
‘I see she’s made quite the impression on you.’
‘I already have your daughter in my ear, I really don’t need the both of you.’
‘Maybe it would be best for everyone if you never set foot in this house again.’
‘That’s what I told myself days ago.’ I mutter going out the door and walking to my car.
Since it was nearly midnight I decided to leave Chrissy alone for the night. Or I was just buying myself some time. I didn’t want to believe that I could’ve have been so wasted that the night I spent with my ex was a complete blank. How could I have been so reckless? Even after all the work I put in to regain Chrissy’s trust and respect. How was I going to look into her face and tell her that I slept with my ex girlfriend? I make it back to the apartment, alone and decide to sleep downstairs. My slumber was interrupted by someone knocking on the door. I stumble over to the door rubbing my eyes in the process.
‘Who is it?’ I question tiredly.
‘It’s me.’ Chrissy’s voice squeaks through the door.
I unlock the door and let her inside. It was definitely weird not having Chrissy in the apartment. She was supposed to move back in once her dad went back to Arizona after our trip to Paris but things got crazy. There was Carter holding us all hostage here, the whole pregnancy misunderstanding in London, now Selena’s revealed miscarriage. Some outside force with a motive was constantly knocking down our relationship.
‘I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?’ she frowns following me to the sofa.
‘It’s fine. What time is it?’
‘It’s one.’ She lets out a small laugh; ‘I thought you’d be awake by now.’
‘How’d you know I’d be here?’
‘I didn’t. I was more hoping that I’d find you here. I saw the Range Rover out front so I thought I’d knock and see if you were around.’
‘What’s up?’
‘Do I need a reason to see my boyfriend?’ she wonders curiously with a small smile.
‘No, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that the last time I saw you we weren't exactly on the best page.’
‘I know and I felt terrible about it. I sat up all night thinking it over. It wasn’t fair of me to make you feel like you had to choose in being there for me and being there for Selena. I have no idea what you’re going through right now and what you’re feeling.’
As Chrissy was talking I was drowning in the thoughts that consumed me. Here she was apologizing for our argument yesterday while I’m sitting on this huge secret. Each time I opened my mouth to say it she would start talking again. For that I was actually grateful.
‘I really feel like I should Selena a card or some flowers or something just to let her know despite everything that’s happened, I’m here for not just you but both of you.’
‘That’s not necessary.’ I swallow shaking my head.
‘Do you think I should call or would that come off as insensitive?’
‘Really, Chris – don’t feel like you have to do anything like that.’
‘No, I want to.’
You wouldn’t want to if you knew what I was hiding. Maybe she would so she could tell her off. After she got done with me that is.
‘I’ll pass the message along, how about that?’
‘Okay.’ She smiles happily, ‘Are we okay?’
‘We’re always okay.’ I assure her wrapping my arms around her waist. ‘Always.’
‘Everything all right?’
‘Yeah, I’m just a little tired. I didn’t really get much sleep last night.’
‘I really wanted to come by last night after all that but I thought I’d give you some time.’
‘You should’ve came by. I sleep better when you’re around.’
‘I do too.’ She moves closer to me on the sofa and curls against my arm. ‘I love you.’
‘I lo- I really need to tell you something Chrissy.’
‘I’ve never heard that tone before.’ She looks up at me with worried eyes.
I open my mouth again but her phone goes off.
‘It’s Chloe. I should take this.’ Chrissy squints at her phone standing up from the sofa, ‘hang on.’
‘All right.’ I call after her as she scurries off to the kitchen.
I couldn’t make out what Chrissy was saying in the other room. She lets out an excited gasp and mentions something about New York. I hear her say that she’ll be somewhere soon before running back to the sofa.
‘What was that?’ I wonder raising an eyebrow at her.
‘Chloe said that there’s this director that wants me to fly out to New York and read lines for him! It’s not a dance movie either, Jay – it’s a strictly acting role. Chloe said that there would be no dancing whatsoever. I can finally show people that there’s much more to me than what I can do with my feet.’
‘That’s huge baby.’ I couldn’t help but offer her a genuine smile because I was genuinely happy for her. ‘When do you have to be there?’
‘That’s the thing: he wants to meet tomorrow morning so I need to go to New York today.’
‘That’s soon.’
‘I know. It was a bit of a spontaneous thing but how could I say no without hearing about him out?’
‘Don’t say no. Go. This could be a really big opportunity for you and your career. I say go for it.’
‘Really?’
‘Of course.’ I nod kissing her cheek, ‘Knock em dead.’
‘I would ask you to come with me but I know that Selena’s always on call so that wouldn’t be fair of me.’
Selena actually told me to leave and her mom told me to never come back so I was free to go to New York.
‘I’ll go with you if you want me there, you know that.’
‘I do.’ She smiles, ‘Are you sure that’d be okay?’
Chrissy was being so understanding and thoughtful right now and it made me feel that much worse about everything.
‘Yeah, we’ll make a little trip out of it.’
‘I’m going to go home and tell my mom about this and pack really quick but I’ll see you later, okay? We can meet up at LAX.’
‘I’ll get the tickets.’
‘You’re the best.’ Chrissy hugs me once more before hurrying out of the apartment.
She wasn’t gone for a good five minutes before my phone lets out a loud chime signaling a new text. I unlock my phone and let my eyes scan the screen. It was a new message from a number that I didn’t recognize. But I did know the area code was right here in LA.
Tell her or I will.
‘What did you just say?’ Selena questions, again and I couldn’t tell if she was stunned or offended.
‘My relationship might be ruined if something happened between you and me. I need to know.’
‘Are you kidding me right now?’ she glares at me, and I knew that she was offended. Big time.
‘I know that my relationship with Chrissy means nothing to you but it means the world to me and I need to know if there’s anything that might compromise it.’
‘If it means so much to you then why are you here?’
‘Because you called me!’ I shout, unexpectedly.
‘I’m sorry that I’m such an inconvenience in your life Justin. There’s no need to pity me. Just go to your stupid girlfriend.’
I could not win tonight. I had Chrissy pissed off at me. I had Selena pissed off at me. I was pissed off at myself. I was pissed off at the world right now actually.
‘I don’t know what you want from me.’ I sigh standing up from the chair. ‘You called me – I’m here.’
‘Yeah you’re here and all you care about is her. I don’t know why I bothered telling you anything. I was naïve to think that you could care about anything other than Chrissy Thorton. Just leave.’
‘You want me to leave?’ I question, looking down at her.
‘Yes. Leave.’
‘Fine.’ I walk over to the door and wrap my clammy hand over the knob. ‘Call if you need anything.’
‘I won’t.’
‘Okay Selena.’
‘And yeah, we did have sex. I hope she never looks at you again so you can know how it feels.’
I open my mouth but close it immediately. I nearly fall out onto my knees as I’m walking down the stairs. I screwed up. I screwed up big time. I’m going to lose her forever.
‘Oh, Justin. Leaving?’ Mandy inquires standing onto her feet.
‘Yep.’
‘I know its really none of my business with your current, relationship but I can’t help but believe that you possibly can’t be happy. I see how down you are and it upsets me. You and Sel were great together. There’s no reason to be somewhere you don’t feel comfortable.’
‘You’re right – I don’t feel comfortable so I’m just gonna go. By the way, it really isn’t any of your business. With all due respect you don’t know a single thing about my relationship. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t talk about things you don’t know about.’
‘I see she’s made quite the impression on you.’
‘I already have your daughter in my ear, I really don’t need the both of you.’
‘Maybe it would be best for everyone if you never set foot in this house again.’
‘That’s what I told myself days ago.’ I mutter going out the door and walking to my car.
Since it was nearly midnight I decided to leave Chrissy alone for the night. Or I was just buying myself some time. I didn’t want to believe that I could’ve have been so wasted that the night I spent with my ex was a complete blank. How could I have been so reckless? Even after all the work I put in to regain Chrissy’s trust and respect. How was I going to look into her face and tell her that I slept with my ex girlfriend? I make it back to the apartment, alone and decide to sleep downstairs. My slumber was interrupted by someone knocking on the door. I stumble over to the door rubbing my eyes in the process.
‘Who is it?’ I question tiredly.
‘It’s me.’ Chrissy’s voice squeaks through the door.
I unlock the door and let her inside. It was definitely weird not having Chrissy in the apartment. She was supposed to move back in once her dad went back to Arizona after our trip to Paris but things got crazy. There was Carter holding us all hostage here, the whole pregnancy misunderstanding in London, now Selena’s revealed miscarriage. Some outside force with a motive was constantly knocking down our relationship.
‘I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?’ she frowns following me to the sofa.
‘It’s fine. What time is it?’
‘It’s one.’ She lets out a small laugh; ‘I thought you’d be awake by now.’
‘How’d you know I’d be here?’
‘I didn’t. I was more hoping that I’d find you here. I saw the Range Rover out front so I thought I’d knock and see if you were around.’
‘What’s up?’
‘Do I need a reason to see my boyfriend?’ she wonders curiously with a small smile.
‘No, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that the last time I saw you we weren't exactly on the best page.’
‘I know and I felt terrible about it. I sat up all night thinking it over. It wasn’t fair of me to make you feel like you had to choose in being there for me and being there for Selena. I have no idea what you’re going through right now and what you’re feeling.’
As Chrissy was talking I was drowning in the thoughts that consumed me. Here she was apologizing for our argument yesterday while I’m sitting on this huge secret. Each time I opened my mouth to say it she would start talking again. For that I was actually grateful.
‘I really feel like I should Selena a card or some flowers or something just to let her know despite everything that’s happened, I’m here for not just you but both of you.’
‘That’s not necessary.’ I swallow shaking my head.
‘Do you think I should call or would that come off as insensitive?’
‘Really, Chris – don’t feel like you have to do anything like that.’
‘No, I want to.’
You wouldn’t want to if you knew what I was hiding. Maybe she would so she could tell her off. After she got done with me that is.
‘I’ll pass the message along, how about that?’
‘Okay.’ She smiles happily, ‘Are we okay?’
‘We’re always okay.’ I assure her wrapping my arms around her waist. ‘Always.’
‘Everything all right?’
‘Yeah, I’m just a little tired. I didn’t really get much sleep last night.’
‘I really wanted to come by last night after all that but I thought I’d give you some time.’
‘You should’ve came by. I sleep better when you’re around.’
‘I do too.’ She moves closer to me on the sofa and curls against my arm. ‘I love you.’
‘I lo- I really need to tell you something Chrissy.’
‘I’ve never heard that tone before.’ She looks up at me with worried eyes.
I open my mouth again but her phone goes off.
‘It’s Chloe. I should take this.’ Chrissy squints at her phone standing up from the sofa, ‘hang on.’
‘All right.’ I call after her as she scurries off to the kitchen.
I couldn’t make out what Chrissy was saying in the other room. She lets out an excited gasp and mentions something about New York. I hear her say that she’ll be somewhere soon before running back to the sofa.
‘What was that?’ I wonder raising an eyebrow at her.
‘Chloe said that there’s this director that wants me to fly out to New York and read lines for him! It’s not a dance movie either, Jay – it’s a strictly acting role. Chloe said that there would be no dancing whatsoever. I can finally show people that there’s much more to me than what I can do with my feet.’
‘That’s huge baby.’ I couldn’t help but offer her a genuine smile because I was genuinely happy for her. ‘When do you have to be there?’
‘That’s the thing: he wants to meet tomorrow morning so I need to go to New York today.’
‘That’s soon.’
‘I know. It was a bit of a spontaneous thing but how could I say no without hearing about him out?’
‘Don’t say no. Go. This could be a really big opportunity for you and your career. I say go for it.’
‘Really?’
‘Of course.’ I nod kissing her cheek, ‘Knock em dead.’
‘I would ask you to come with me but I know that Selena’s always on call so that wouldn’t be fair of me.’
Selena actually told me to leave and her mom told me to never come back so I was free to go to New York.
‘I’ll go with you if you want me there, you know that.’
‘I do.’ She smiles, ‘Are you sure that’d be okay?’
Chrissy was being so understanding and thoughtful right now and it made me feel that much worse about everything.
‘Yeah, we’ll make a little trip out of it.’
‘I’m going to go home and tell my mom about this and pack really quick but I’ll see you later, okay? We can meet up at LAX.’
‘I’ll get the tickets.’
‘You’re the best.’ Chrissy hugs me once more before hurrying out of the apartment.
She wasn’t gone for a good five minutes before my phone lets out a loud chime signaling a new text. I unlock my phone and let my eyes scan the screen. It was a new message from a number that I didn’t recognize. But I did know the area code was right here in LA.
Tell her or I will.