If I Was Your Boyfriend
one hundred sixty-two.
Casual dating. Of course it sounded good when Ben and I first talked about it, now not so much. Ben had been travelling for about two weeks and has barely called. I knew we weren’t official or exclusive, so was I really allowed to get upset that he hasn’t called? He called when he first landed just to let me know he made it safely. I’ve gotten a few texts apologizing for not calling and a few wishing me sweet dreams before bed. I hated being that person who waits by the phone for a call or text from some boy. Ever since Ben went out of town I found myself in a rut, drowning in the silence that I briefly escaped. Nichole and Ryan left town before everyone could coordinate their schedules but we made plans to get together in a few weeks.
‘Come on Rock, let’s get some fresh air.’ I call out standing to my feet to grab my phone and the leash for Rocky. Rocky trots from the back room with his tail swinging with excitement. ‘Hang on, hang on.’
Rocky and I start our walk around the busy neighborhood. Obnoxious paparazzi hover at the end of the block, nearly falling over each other for the best picture. I lift Rocky into my arms after our walk to carry him back to the apartment. Before we make it to the room my phone lets out its loud upbeat music. Justin? I stare at his name, recently resaved in my phone, wondering if I should answer or not. I swallow my nerves and bring the phone to my ear after sliding the screen with my finger.
‘Hello?’
‘Hey, you busy?’ he wonders on the other line. In the background I could hear all the commotion behind him.
‘Just took Rocky for a walk, what’s going on?’
‘Do you think that you could come by the house? I really need someone’s opinion and my mom’s out of town, you’re the next best option.’ Justin pleads, I could practically see the smile on his face right now.
‘What’s your address?’ I ask before I had time to talk myself out of going.
‘I’ll text it to you now.’ Justin chimes happily before blabbering a “see you soon” and hanging up.
I copy and paste the link Justin sent on my phone’s GPS while waiting for the valet to bring the car up front. I place Rocky in the passenger seat then walk around to get in. Justin’s new house was a full thirty minutes away from my apartment. The entire ride to Justin’s house I battle with my subconscious, wondering if this was a mistake. I get more than halfway there and realize it was too late to turn around. Justin lived in an upscale, well-kept gated community in Sherman Oaks. The security guard at the main gate stops me before calling Justin to verify my access into the community. When I come to a stop in front of Justin’s house, he’s standing outside with a bright smile. He opens the passenger door, taking Rocky in his arms before walking around the car to wait by the driver’s door.
‘Did you find it okay?’ he wonders curiously, leading the way towards a large, gorgeous, near-mansion, house.
‘I did, this is beautiful.’ I couldn’t help but gawk as we walk into the main entry way, ‘wow.’
‘Truthfully, when the realtor first showed me this house I thought of you. I knew that you would like this.’ Justin grins placing Rocky down on the floor, allowing him to run around freely, ‘and I knew that he would like all the space.’
‘What did you need help with?’ I question, jumping right into business with Justin. He briefly takes his red beanie from his head before sliding it back on.
‘Come on, I want to show you this room.’ He heads up the large staircase. I follow close behind him as workers were still placing brand new furniture around the house. For a split second Justin places his hand on my back to usher me past two men carrying his enormous TV.
Justin takes me into a large empty room that smelled like paint. He holds his nose glancing back at me told pull me inside. ‘Sorry about this. They painted it late last night.’ Justin apologizes as I use my shirt as a mask. ‘Alright this is a two-part question. Is this room big enough for a game room and also, would a game room look right in this room?’
‘It’s big enough, yeah. It’s bigger than the garage at your last apartment.’ I step back into the hallway with Justin after he closes the door, ‘but I personally, wouldn’t put a game room right here. I mean, for one, it’s too close your private room. People have easy access to your things plus if someone’s sleeping on this hall, the game room could get pretty loud. I think this would make a better guest room honestly, you can take that back room downstairs and make that your game room since it’s so isolated.’
‘That makes since.’ Justin nods a few times leaning against the wooden railing. ‘I guess I could’ve FaceTimed you or something for this but I wanted to see you.’
‘Justin I…’
‘You look good.’ He compliments before I had a chance to finish my sentence, ‘where’s your model?’
‘Someone’s jealous.’ I singsong walking down the expansive hallway to explore the rest of the new house.
‘I am not jealous.’ Justin defends quickly taking a few long strides to catch up with me, ‘I don’t get jealous.’
‘So defensive for someone who doesn’t get jealous.’ I turn my head to look him in his eyes, ‘wouldn’t you say?’
‘Why would I be jealous of your model? I mean, it’s not like he makes your heart race the way I do.’ He abruptly grabs my arm pulling me into his chest, ‘wouldn’t you say?’
‘That model has a name.’ I swallow shuddering as Justin removes his loose grip on my skin.
‘Honestly, I don’t care.’ Justin speaks bluntly, ‘I don’t care about his name. I don’t care where he is right now. I wish I could be mature about it but I’m not that person, not when it comes to you. I wish that I wasn’t selfish but I can’t help it when I’m this in love with you. I can’t control it.’
Before I could speak, Justin firmly grabs me by my waist to kiss me hard. Despite the voice in my head screaming “no, no, no” I melt against his skin. Within a quick second he lifts me into his arms pushing me back into his room. He kicks the door open and closed with two swift kicks. I fall against the bed while Justin pulls his shirt over his head revealing fresh ink that I hadn’t seen before. He doesn’t waste a single second before he attacks my neck with slow, soft kisses. Justin fingers slip in between mine with ease, immediately filling that hole that I’ve carried around for the last few months.
‘I love you.’ Justin murmurs against my skin causing it to tingle.
‘I love y-…’ I start only to be cut off by my phone chiming on the floor next to the bed. From where I was I could see that it was Ben calling. ‘I can’t do this.’
‘Don’t go.’ He pleads lifting himself up to look me in my eyes. ‘I’m sorry I just got carried away but don’t go.’
‘I can’t be here. I’m sorry, I have to go.’
Justin’s Point of View
Chrissy scurries out of the bed and out of the room, not even glancing back at me as I lied in the bed soundlessly. Once again, it felt like my heart was physically ripped out of my chest. It felt like all the air and life was knocked out of me. I couldn’t breathe. I stand up from the bed, going over to the large window to watch her leave. Moments later Chrissy is walking to her car with Rocky held in her arms. We took a few steps forward and a hundred more back.
‘Come on Rock, let’s get some fresh air.’ I call out standing to my feet to grab my phone and the leash for Rocky. Rocky trots from the back room with his tail swinging with excitement. ‘Hang on, hang on.’
Rocky and I start our walk around the busy neighborhood. Obnoxious paparazzi hover at the end of the block, nearly falling over each other for the best picture. I lift Rocky into my arms after our walk to carry him back to the apartment. Before we make it to the room my phone lets out its loud upbeat music. Justin? I stare at his name, recently resaved in my phone, wondering if I should answer or not. I swallow my nerves and bring the phone to my ear after sliding the screen with my finger.
‘Hello?’
‘Hey, you busy?’ he wonders on the other line. In the background I could hear all the commotion behind him.
‘Just took Rocky for a walk, what’s going on?’
‘Do you think that you could come by the house? I really need someone’s opinion and my mom’s out of town, you’re the next best option.’ Justin pleads, I could practically see the smile on his face right now.
‘What’s your address?’ I ask before I had time to talk myself out of going.
‘I’ll text it to you now.’ Justin chimes happily before blabbering a “see you soon” and hanging up.
I copy and paste the link Justin sent on my phone’s GPS while waiting for the valet to bring the car up front. I place Rocky in the passenger seat then walk around to get in. Justin’s new house was a full thirty minutes away from my apartment. The entire ride to Justin’s house I battle with my subconscious, wondering if this was a mistake. I get more than halfway there and realize it was too late to turn around. Justin lived in an upscale, well-kept gated community in Sherman Oaks. The security guard at the main gate stops me before calling Justin to verify my access into the community. When I come to a stop in front of Justin’s house, he’s standing outside with a bright smile. He opens the passenger door, taking Rocky in his arms before walking around the car to wait by the driver’s door.
‘Did you find it okay?’ he wonders curiously, leading the way towards a large, gorgeous, near-mansion, house.
‘I did, this is beautiful.’ I couldn’t help but gawk as we walk into the main entry way, ‘wow.’
‘Truthfully, when the realtor first showed me this house I thought of you. I knew that you would like this.’ Justin grins placing Rocky down on the floor, allowing him to run around freely, ‘and I knew that he would like all the space.’
‘What did you need help with?’ I question, jumping right into business with Justin. He briefly takes his red beanie from his head before sliding it back on.
‘Come on, I want to show you this room.’ He heads up the large staircase. I follow close behind him as workers were still placing brand new furniture around the house. For a split second Justin places his hand on my back to usher me past two men carrying his enormous TV.
Justin takes me into a large empty room that smelled like paint. He holds his nose glancing back at me told pull me inside. ‘Sorry about this. They painted it late last night.’ Justin apologizes as I use my shirt as a mask. ‘Alright this is a two-part question. Is this room big enough for a game room and also, would a game room look right in this room?’
‘It’s big enough, yeah. It’s bigger than the garage at your last apartment.’ I step back into the hallway with Justin after he closes the door, ‘but I personally, wouldn’t put a game room right here. I mean, for one, it’s too close your private room. People have easy access to your things plus if someone’s sleeping on this hall, the game room could get pretty loud. I think this would make a better guest room honestly, you can take that back room downstairs and make that your game room since it’s so isolated.’
‘That makes since.’ Justin nods a few times leaning against the wooden railing. ‘I guess I could’ve FaceTimed you or something for this but I wanted to see you.’
‘Justin I…’
‘You look good.’ He compliments before I had a chance to finish my sentence, ‘where’s your model?’
‘Someone’s jealous.’ I singsong walking down the expansive hallway to explore the rest of the new house.
‘I am not jealous.’ Justin defends quickly taking a few long strides to catch up with me, ‘I don’t get jealous.’
‘So defensive for someone who doesn’t get jealous.’ I turn my head to look him in his eyes, ‘wouldn’t you say?’
‘Why would I be jealous of your model? I mean, it’s not like he makes your heart race the way I do.’ He abruptly grabs my arm pulling me into his chest, ‘wouldn’t you say?’
‘That model has a name.’ I swallow shuddering as Justin removes his loose grip on my skin.
‘Honestly, I don’t care.’ Justin speaks bluntly, ‘I don’t care about his name. I don’t care where he is right now. I wish I could be mature about it but I’m not that person, not when it comes to you. I wish that I wasn’t selfish but I can’t help it when I’m this in love with you. I can’t control it.’
Before I could speak, Justin firmly grabs me by my waist to kiss me hard. Despite the voice in my head screaming “no, no, no” I melt against his skin. Within a quick second he lifts me into his arms pushing me back into his room. He kicks the door open and closed with two swift kicks. I fall against the bed while Justin pulls his shirt over his head revealing fresh ink that I hadn’t seen before. He doesn’t waste a single second before he attacks my neck with slow, soft kisses. Justin fingers slip in between mine with ease, immediately filling that hole that I’ve carried around for the last few months.
‘I love you.’ Justin murmurs against my skin causing it to tingle.
‘I love y-…’ I start only to be cut off by my phone chiming on the floor next to the bed. From where I was I could see that it was Ben calling. ‘I can’t do this.’
‘Don’t go.’ He pleads lifting himself up to look me in my eyes. ‘I’m sorry I just got carried away but don’t go.’
‘I can’t be here. I’m sorry, I have to go.’
Justin’s Point of View
Chrissy scurries out of the bed and out of the room, not even glancing back at me as I lied in the bed soundlessly. Once again, it felt like my heart was physically ripped out of my chest. It felt like all the air and life was knocked out of me. I couldn’t breathe. I stand up from the bed, going over to the large window to watch her leave. Moments later Chrissy is walking to her car with Rocky held in her arms. We took a few steps forward and a hundred more back.