From Teammates to Best Friends to Boyfriends?

It was the night before school started back up again and I was dreading it. For the most part of it, Spring break was awesome. Definitely one to remember. It was in the middle of the day and I was bored out of freaking mind. I guess friends are one thing to look forward to even though I really only talk to about four people. People actually think I’m like a social butterfly or something because of how I sit with a pretty big, well known group of people. But I don’t really care much for any of them except for Garret (of course), Liam, Chandler, (sometimes) Grant, and Ryan. Though I rarely talk to Ryan. . . Oh well.

I guess another thing to look forward is summer. There’s really only two months of school left!

I sat down by my little brother on the couch, who was watching South Park.

“Don’t you think you’re a little too young to watch South Park?” I asked him.

He looked up at me and smiled. “But I like this show.”

I shook my head at him but didn’t change the channel, because I’m a fan of South Park too. It was one of my episodes called ‘Cartman sucks’. It’s where Cartman invites Butters to sleep over, and he takes a picture of him having Butter’s penis in his mouth while he’s asleep. Though Cartman doesn’t know it actually makes him look gay until he tells Kyle, Stan, and Kenny. And then while all that’s happening, Butters is sent to this religious place where they help little boys who think they’re bi-curious. I laugh every time Butter’s ‘accountabily’ bubby, Bradley talks. He seems so awkward and it makes me wonder if I’m seemed like that around Garret.

When it gets to the part where Butter’s mom comes in asks what him and his dad are talking about and Butter’s says, ‘Nothing mom, I’m just a little bi-curious!’, Sammy looks up at me.

“What does that mean?” He asked me, all innocent.

“Does what mean?”

“Bi-curious,” he stated.

“Uhh. . .” I hesitated. “It’s where someone thinks they might like the same kind of person they are.” I wasn’t even rally sure if that was what it meant or if I should’ve told him that. Oh well, what’s done is done.

“Oh. . . is that bad?” He asked.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Well, than why did he send Butters to a camp to get better?” He pointed to the television. I looked at it to see Butters was sitting in a room full of other boys in it.

“Uhh. . .well, some people don’t think it’s okay for others to like someone . . . .that has the same parts as them?” It came out more as a question and I don’t even know why. This was something hard to explain to kid while using words they would understand.

“But why-

I stopped him. “Look, when you’re older, say like in a couple years when you’re eleven, I’ll explain it to you. Okay?”

He slumped back down. “Okay.” We started watching the show again. After the show, Liam called me.

I told Sammy I would come back down after I was done talking to Liam and he pouted. He really liked hanging out with me and I liked hanging out with him too, but I haven’t talked to Liam since Wednesday.

“What is it?” I said into the phone. I headed up to my room and when I was in there, I closed the door.

“Uh, nothing really. I was just seeing how you are, man.”

I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “Good. What about you?” I asked him back.

“Um, good, good.” He said, quietly. I didn’t know what else to say, and since he was the one who called, I waited for to say something. But he didn’t.

“Well? What’d you call for?” I asked and laid down on the bed.

“Um. . . I know this is stupid to ask you, but Alexis wants to go out on a double date, and I don’t know who else to ask. . .” He trailed off.

I laughed. “Yeah, sounds good. Let me just call up my non-existent boyfriend. . .” I said, sarcastically. . . .Did I really just say boyfriend? . . I guess I’m getting comfortable with this whole liking the same sex thing. Great, now I’m confused with myself.

But I guess Liam thought it was funny, because he started laughing. “Well, ask out Garret, dumbass.”

I huffed. “Are you retarded? I can’t do that.” I said.

“Awe, why not? Come on! I just wish you’d fucking do it already. It’s already obvious you like him. Now you’re just wasting time. I mean really, what’s holding you back?” He asked a little on the loud side. I guess he was getting tired of me being pansy.

But I said the truth anyways, “Rejection.” I stated. I didn’t wait for him to say anything and I said the other thing that was holding me back. “Rejection and possibly losing my best friend. Liam, I don’t want to take that risk.”

It was quiet for a few seconds and I thought Liam might have hung up.

“So you’re just gonna keep quiet about it forever? Don’t you have a little bit hope that he might be into you too or even accept you or whatever?”

I bit my lip. “Yeah.” I whispered.

“Dillon, I think if you just tell him, you’ll feel better. He most likely knows anyway. He’s probably just waiting for you to say something about it, so he can talk to you about it. He probably thinks you’re uncomfortable about it, and he’s just waiting. . .”

“Fine.”

“Fine what?”

I sighed. “Fine, I’ll tell him tomorrow if you think I’m just being stupid because I’m not talking to him about it.”

“Really?” He asked me after several seconds.

“Fuck it. Why not?” I said, trying to act all confident or something. But it wasn’t working. I was starting to feel extremely nervous for tomorrow. Am I really going to go through with this?

“I hope you do. And when he finally says yes to go out with you, tell me!” He teased.

“Whatever.” I hung up and sighed. I went back down to hang with Sammy some more before he had to go to bed.

I’m going to do it. I mean, like Liam said, Garret probably already knows. I should just get it over with. I’m wasting my time just keeping it to myself. It needs to be said and he needs to hear it and I need to know what he thinks. So tomorrow it is.

And if things go bad, I only have to wait two more months till school is out. Then I can change schools or whatever, because I feel like if Garret rejects me, I’ll be right back in the slump I was in when I started having these feelings.