We Only Breathe for so Long

“Oh, up so early?” My mom asked, walking into the living room, newspapers from the past few days in hand. It was about a quarter to eight and I was fully dressed, occasionally getting up from the seat I had comfortably settled in for the past ten to fifteen minutes. I don’t know why I had become so restless over the past couple of hours.

“Uh, Kennedy’s picking me up at eight.”

“I see,” she said, taking a seat across me, opening the newspaper. I wasn’t in the mood to feel aware about the world around me, so I didn’t bother to at least read the headline on the front page. “What will you guys do today?”

“We’re just going to grab some coffee. I don’t really know if Kennedy has plans other than that, actually.” I said, leaning forward, resting my elbows on top of my knees.

“You know, I wasn’t expecting you’d run into Jordan’s friends.” She said it with a chuckle and all I could do was agree. And then as if it were timed, the sound of the doorbell was audible throughout the house and I immediately stood up, knowing who it was. I straightened out my dress and ran my fingers through my hair as I walked to the door.

I took a deep breath and then opened the door. And there stood Kennedy, his hands in the pockets of his jeans, shifting his weight from his heels to his toes. He was wearing a plain, grey shirt and an unbuttoned plaid shirt over it. I felt my heart thump inside my ribcage when he looked up to me and smiled as his hazel orbs gazed into mine.

“Hey, Lisette,” he greeted. “Shall we go?”

“Uh, wait a moment.” I said. I backed away from the door and turned to my mom in the living room, who had put down the newspaper on her lap.

“Mom? I’ll go now.”

“Hi Mrs. Monroe!” Kennedy said, his head peeping through the doorway.

“Hi Kennedy!” She exclaimed, laughing. “Alright, have fun and go lock the door on your way out.” She then opened the newspaper once again and after Kennedy had gotten his head out of the doorway, I locked and closed the door.

Kennedy and I stepped out of the porch and walked over to his car. He opened the door to the passenger seat for me and I gladly went in, giving him a thank you. He then got into the diver’s seat and the engine revved to life. As expected, the speakers started playing Third Eye Blind and we then drove off, my house receding behind us.

“So how far is Morning Light from here, exactly?” I asked, to strike up a conversation between us.

“Not far. A ten-minute drive would take us there.” He glanced at me to give me a smile.

“I see.” We were driving towards the busier part of Tempe. From vast rows of houses, the scenery was slowly changing to roads and a variety of buildings and structures. There weren’t a lot of cars yet, as expected for a Saturday morning.

“So, Lisette, care to tell me what happened yesterday?” He said, as a sneer involuntarily made its way towards his lips as he continued to keep his eyes on the road.

“Hm, I’d rather save it for later.”

“And why’s that?”

“No particular reason at all.”

“Well, alright then. You’re going to love this coffee store.”

And I did.

Morning Light stood on the corner of the street. The walls were covered with red bricks. They were uneven but I didn’t mind. It somehow reminded me of… vintage things. There was a sign on top of the store; it was curvy with bits of swirly patterns here and there. Kennedy stopped the engine which immediately brought me back to reality. He was looking at me with such an intense gaze that I was squirming like crazy. Of course I didn’t let him show that.

We went out of the car, him having shades on his face while I suffered the glare of the sun on my face. The dress I was wearing didn’t exactly feel comfortable on my skin. I could feel air between my legs and it wasn’t a good feeling. My red hair was tied up into a messy bun and my feet were being all comfy and cozy in some sandals my mom bought for me once.

Kennedy opened the door of the café for me with a smile, making the cool air from inside hit my face. This gave me a sensation of relief, which was intensified by the fragrance of coffee beans. The café was dimly lit, however bright due to the sunlight shafting through the windows. The inside looked like any other coffee store, except that it gave that rustic feel. I can’t exactly describe the ambiance, but it was good. It was probably due to the fact that it wasn’t as well known as Starbucks or Seattle’s Best and that there wasn’t a lot of people today.

“See what I mean?” Kennedy said beside me. His shades were now hanging on to his shirt. I don’t know how long I’ve been looking around the store but oh well.

“Yeah, I do,” I replied, giving him a warm smile.

“Let’s go get something then.” He led the way to the counter where a barista was fiddling with whatever was behind the cashier and another was cleaning a mug nearby. We stood a few meters from it as I examined the menu and at the selection of food beneath the glass case of the refrigerator. There were loaves of bread, cakes, pies, pastries; you name it.

Drinking coffee regularly wasn’t really a thing of mine especially since I was never required to stay up late. So in effect, making me sleepy the next morning and making me need something to keep me up and going. Even though I had some trouble falling asleep last night, I felt energized for some reason. So taking in caffeine at this moment wouldn’t be an option for me today.

“What do you want to order?” Kennedy asked, after giving me some time to look at the menus.

“Just hot chocolate. Oh, and maybe a honey glazed doughnut because I feel like it.”

He laughed. “I’ve been having a craving for a doughnut so yeah, I’m going to get one as well.”

We walked up to the counter and the barista gave us that friendly smile she gives to all customers. Kennedy told her what I’d be having, and added a cup of coffee and a chocolate flavored doughnut for himself. I was about to fish out money from my purse but then he stopped me.

“No, I’ll take care of it,” he said, glancing at me as he handed the barista a crisp twenty dollar bill. I thanked him as he got his change and we headed over to the left-most area of the counter to wait for our order.

“You’re fond of hot chocolate?” Kennedy asked, as we stood by the corner.

“Sort of.” I mumbled, with a shrug.

“Jordan would always drink that when I would come over in the morning.” He chuckled. I felt my lips tugging down at the sound of that name. No, I don’t hate her but the mere mention of her by Kennedy made my heart throb a bit. I ignored the feeling and forced a smile.

“Yeah, she loves it. More than I do. Oh look, there’s our order,” I quickly said, in attempt to change the subject. Kennedy carried our tray, containing two plates with a doughnut each and forks, as I took care of the drinks.

We moved over to a low coffee table just beside the window. Two maroon-colored single-seater couches were on its opposite sides, leaning against the glass. We carefully set down what were carrying and then we sat down.

“So, what happened while I was gone?” Kennedy said, as I took a sip from my drink. The temperature of the liquid was bearable to my tongue, and it had a rich and milky taste. Just how I like it.

“Basically we were just hanging out. Well, until Isa came and then uh, John…”

He put his fork down and sighed. “I have no idea what’s going on between them. But go on.”

“So there, they had a fight. And then I told Isa to come up to my room first, so they could go cool down. Tim called when we got downstairs.”

“So you guys went to Pat’s house to talk about tour stuff.”

I nodded as I chewed a bite of my doughnut. “Except Isa though. But I headed over to her house after you called.”

“I see,” he said, as, I assume, puzzle pieces in his brain assembled together. “Listen, since we’re going on tour pretty soon, I don’t think we’ll be able to do some things on the bucket list for a while. We’ll be busy with a lot of tour stuff.”

“It’s fine. I totally understand.” I gave him a reassuring smile.

“Tour’s going to take about a month though, so I guess you’ll have to wait a long while,” he said, a hint of regret in his voice.

“I really don’t mind. I could wait,” I said, in the hope to really convince him. “So, you guys would probably meet up everyday for the next three weeks?”

“Yeah but you’re welcome to join us anytime. Sometimes we do nothing during meetings like these.” He laughed, before he took a sip of his really bitter-looking coffee.

“I’d love to.” I smiled. Okay, that was probably half-meant but how could I decline? There’s nothing else that I ought to be doing.

“Great then,” he cheerily said. We then both took the last bites of our own doughnuts.

“Do you want to stay here? Or do you want to walk to somewhere?” Kennedy asked, sitting up straight.

“I think I’d like to walk somewhere,” I said, after some contemplation.

“You want to go now?” I nodded and we gave the tray to a barista behind the counter. Holding our half-full paper cups in hand, we went out of the café, the smoldering heat hitting immediately hitting my skin. A weird feeling took over me, but I dismissed it, since it was nothing major. I just can’t say where it was coming from. I scrunched up my eyebrows, causing me Kennedy to cast me a worried look.

“Anything wrong?”

“Not that I know of.” He shrugged and we started walking. That was going to be an enigma that I’d have to figure out later. We turned at the corner and walked along the street.

“So tell me, how long have you guys been friends, anyway?”

“High school. Isa too, except that I only met her at Senior year.”

“So, where are we headed to, exactly?” I asked, once again lifting my paper cup to drink.

“A park.” We crossed the street and made another turn.

“See? There it is.” He pointed straight ahead, and indeed, there was a park at the other side of the street. From there, all I could see was the archway, which served as the entrance, the boundaries of the park made of stone blocks and many trees and cacti beyond it. And not so many people. What caught my eye though, was a flowerbed of colors along the central path inside.

“Wow.” I sighed as I kept my gaze on the sight ahead. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to one. And this would probably be the first park I’m going to in Arizona.

“First time here?” He asked, right before we crossed the road.

“Yeah.” The stoplight went red, signaling that we could cross. A grin involuntarily formed itself on my lips as we went through the archway.

“You’re smiling like a fool,” Kennedy said, and then laughed. I glared at him and I felt my cheeks heat up.

“I haven’t been to a park in a while, okay?” I mumbled, as he tried to stifle his laughter. I walked slightly ahead of him, still staring at the flowerbed. It was elevated on a long slab of concrete, about three feet high. So, there were wooden benches resting it backs on both sides of it. I half-ran to a bench and sat down and just sighed in contentment. It was a beautiful day — the sun wasn’t shining as harshly as it would on all of mankind and everywhere it seemed peaceful. Well, the only thing was that it was really hot. Kennedy took a seat beside me and sipped his coffee.

“You know, Jordan and I hung out here once,” he said, chuckling once again.

“Oh, I see.” I said, faking a smile. “Well, I like the flowers.”

“It’s a nice splash of color,” said Kennedy. I looked around the park. People were having fun, laughing and talking away with friends and family. The air felt as if it was full of festivity. I finished all of my hot chocolate and set the cup down on the space between him and me. There was still that something though. It made things slightly uncomfortable.

“So, do you play an instrument? Or sing?” Kennedy asked. I think Kennedy wanted to get to know me better as much as I wanted to get to know him. After all, we’ve probably been friends for only about… less than two weeks.

“Nah. I’m not musically inclined, unlike you.” He snorted at my remark as I smiled in my little triumph. “Well, I actually just never got the opportunity, so I don’t really know.”

“What do you usually do at home then?”

“Read. Watch TV. Use the Internet. Listen to music. I know by now that you probably do the same, except that you play video games and of course, play your guitar from time to time.”

“Well, I’m not much of a reader, but yeah, correct. I play soccer too,” he said, chuckling.

“I’m not athletic, unfortunately. What’s your favorite color?”

“I love purple,” he said, laughing. “A little bit unusual, I know. Yours?”

“Probably would be cerulean.” The sky was something I used to be fascinated with when I was younger. Especially since when I was in the hospital, unable to get up from my bed, that was the only thing I could see through my window. And I grew to love that shade of blue. It’s a calm color, not as vibrant as yellow but at least less dull than white.

I shifted uneasily on the seat. I felt like eyes were watching me intently. That’s how it felt like. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Hey, Kennedy?”

“Hm?” He sipped the last drops of his coffee and set it down.

“Since a while ago, I had that feeling we were being watched.”

“To be honest, me too,” he said, scratching the back of his head. And then all of a sudden, a voice popped out from behind.

“Oh shit Garrett, we’ve been spotted, get down now!” Oh god. Kennedy gave me a smug look before we both turned our heads around.

“Oh, way to blow our cover, Isa. You didn’t need to say it out loud.” Garrett groaned, giving himself a good face palm. He was on the other side of the flowerbed, kneeling on another bench.

“I don’t really care!” Isa exclaimed. I couldn’t see her, but that’s probably because she’s still ducking.

“Well, that explains everything,” I said as a matter of fact, still watching as Garrett bickered on with Isa.

“True that.” Kennedy turned and got up, and dusted the back of his jeans. “Let’s go somewhere else and leave these two behind.” He chuckled, and I did too.

“And dude, seriously, you should keep a low profile!” Kennedy called over to Garrett as I got up.

“I hope you took note, of that, Isa.” Garrett said, as he got off the bench and his feet came in contact with the ground.

Isa stood up. “Oh shut up.” She rolled her eyes. “Come on, I’m getting hungry.” I guess she was feeling a bit chagrined. And so Kennedy and I watched as Isa dragged Garrett back to the entrance, their figures shrinking by the second.

“I’m so going to have a conversation with Isa about this later.” I said, as we neared a trash can to dispose our empty paper cups.

“That was kind of out of the blue, wasn’t it?” He said in an amused tone.

“Yeah,” I said, laughing a bit. “Anyway, where to?”

“You’ll see!” We walked straight up, going into another path secluded by trees.

“Well, I like Skittles.”

“I’m not fond of candy.” I chuckled. Kennedy’s eyes widened as we continued to walk through the path.

“I don’t believe you.”

I shrugged. “Your loss. And when were you born, exactly?”

“September 13. I know your birthday.”

“It’s in my notion that you know more about me than I know about you.”

“And obviously it’s because, well, I knew Jordan.” He chortled and put his hands in his pockets.

Before I could think of a placid response, we arrived at a fortunately empty playground. Monkey bars, swings, rope ladders, tall fortresses, you name it. The swings were dangling slightly as a breeze gently made its way through the trees. They, without a doubt, caught my eye the most.

“You still go to the playground from time to time, Mr. Brock?” I teasingly asked. He just simply smirked and in a flash, he was already running up to the slide. I just stood there, trying to contain my laughter as he climbed up the slide. What made me lose it was when he shouted like he was having the best time of his life as he slid down, with all the effrontery he could muster. He proudly walked up to me as I continued to laugh. What a sight, seeing a 20-year old having a great time in a deserted playground.

“I can’t believe you just did that,” I said, still a bit breathless.

“Nah, that was just for show. It’s been a while since I’ve actually done that.”

“Let’s go on the swings. It’s been a while for me since I sat on one,” I said, with the enthusiasm of a six year old.

I kicked off the ground and soon I was gently swinging, feeling free. I would have swung higher though, but I didn’t want to risk it since I was, of course, wearing this dress. I haven’t been on the swings since Jordan passed away. But it felt good to do so again. After a while, I noticed how Kennedy wasn’t swinging at all and so I came to a halt. His eyes were locked on the ground and his arms were resting on his knees.

“Hey, is there something wrong?” I was looking at him intently, and he looked up back at me, with sorrow in his eyes.

“It’s nothing. I just, uh, remembered Jordan…” He drifted off, sadly smiling to himself. My heart sank. Honestly, I did not know what to say to him. And it was disappointing, her always being on his mind. So I just silently resumed swinging, as he continued looking down, trapped in his maze of thoughts.

I carried on for what seemed like hours, until Kennedy finally spoke up.

“Hey, Lisette?” He asked, a little demurely. I scraped my feet against the soil, eventually coming to a full stop. I would have to clean my shoes later, definitely.

“Yeah?”

“Will you please go on tour with me?”