We Only Breathe for so Long

LISETTE

"Lisette, when will you get back home?” I walked faster, forgetting the tips that my doctor just told me a few minutes ago. I had an appointment with the doctor today and he told me I need to stop doing “vigorous exercises”. I never knew that walking an hour everyday is vigorous.

“I’ll be there in a few, Mom. I’m not going to faint or anything.” I said as the phone quietly slipped away from my shoulder. I quickly caught it with my free hand and sighed in relief. I don’t know what I would do without it.

“You’ll never know honey. That transplant is still…” I rolled my eyes as she started lecturing me about this and that.

Thankfully, after some seconds, she finally stopped with her lecture. “Just make sure you come home soon, Lisette.”

“I will, Mom. Love you,” I said and hung up. You might be wondering why my mom was so worked up on me fainting, so here’s a back-story for you to understand.

When I was twelve years old, I was diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia, a fatal disease wherein your bone marrow fails to produce blood cells. It was a beautiful and bright summer day when the news was broken to me. My family and I were hanging around in the backyard. As I was running on the green grass, I suddenly collapsed – collapsed, just like that. When my parents rushed over to me, they saw how white I became and rushed me to the hospital immediately. I woke up in my room to the sound of my mother crying out an endless stream of tears. Since that day, I was stuck in that same room.

I often had to get blood transfusions. I was very prone to get infections due to the lack of white blood cells in my body. Once in a while, I’d faint just like I did that summer day. My heart was also slowly failing me.

Things change, however – and miracles happen.

There is just one cure for my disease: a bone marrow transplant. My parents immediately applied for me to get one after I was diagnosed with my sickness. There was also just one problem though: bone marrow transplants are just really difficult to get.

I guess one could call it a miracle that my application was approved when I was sixteen years old. However, the transplant had to be done here in Philadelphia, so we were forced to move. I had my surgery when I was seventeen and it’s been four years since then. I sighed and walked even faster. I don’t know why my mom wants me to get home quickly.

The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia was only a few blocks away from the condominium I was residing in and the reason for this is that my parents wanted to be there ASAP whenever something bad happens to me in the hospital. Before transferring here in Philadelphia, I was always confined in that little white room with only the nurses to accompany. Plus Jordan.

“Jordan…” I mumbled and looked behind me. I missed her so bad. She was always there for me, making me laugh and telling me all about her day. She was the best sister a twin could ever have. Too bad she’s not here to hear about that. I sighed and continued walking.

I went into the building and went up to the twelfth floor. I walked up to the door of our 2-floored unit. Was I ready to go back to my dull boring life here in good ol’ ‘Adelphia? I shook my head and opened the door, surprised to see suitcases packed.

“Uh, Mom? Why are our suitcases packed?” My mom turned around while her red curls bobbed. I actually inherited her hair color but for some reason, I never liked it. It reminded me of the countless blood transfusions I had back then. The hair only made it worse for me since I had pale white skin then.

“We’re going back to Arizona! Since your transplant was a success, your dad and I decided that we should go back.” I felt a grin coming up my cheeks but then I wondered, what about dad?

“But Dad…” Her face fell and she turned back to my dad. Oh right, work. “I understand. When do we leave?” My mom grinned once again and it scared me. Ever since this transplant, she couldn’t stop smiling and I swear, it was getting on my nerves.

“Tomorrow morning!”

“What?!” I just got home, tired and sleepy then she goes off and tells me the news. How lovely.

“We already have the tickets and the plane leaves at six in the morning, so I suggest you go to sleep now and wake up early.” I rolled my eyes and nodded wearily. I don’t even know if I want to go back to Arizona. The only memories I had there all consists of transfusions, white walls and ugh, that ugly hospital smell.

I got up the stairs and looked through my clothes in my closet. They were all gone. Even my personal belongings were gone too. She got a head start on packing and she didn’t even tell me! I wasn’t that weak. I could do all these things and more. I think.

I dragged myself to the bed and let my eyes take charge. I was tired once again and I wasn’t up on fighting with my mom over this. She would say, “Be thankful that we even have money to pay for your sickness,” and then it goes on and on and as thanks, I have to be obedient like a good girl should be. It seems that Jordan was never the good girl in our family. She was reckless and very unpredictable.

I sighed and thought of the things I’ll do once I get back to Arizona. I didn’t really make new friends here so there wasn’t much to think about. Sure I went to school but I wasn’t the type to socialize. Stop thinking, Lisette, just get some sleep! Sure brain. I’m getting tired of thinking all the time.

~~~

“Lisette! Why aren’t you up yet?!” I felt my body being dragged and looked up to see my own mother frowning at me. I got up right away and dusted myself off. “Sorry, I overslept.” I muttered. She shook her head at me and pointed to the bathroom.

“Take a bath and change into these clothes. I’ll be waiting downstairs.” I waited for her to get out of the room until I rolled my eyes. My mom is like a ninja. I have my reasons.

I slowly got up from the bed and dragged myself once again to the bathroom. I scrubbed myself clean and was shocked to find a red summer dress in front of me. I wasn't the type of girl to wear dresses but for today, I am forced to wear this one.

“Manners, Lisette, just deal with it.” I breathed in and out and calmed myself down. I was going to get through with this and live my life out in Arizona. I’ve been kept on this stupid chain ever since I got the transplant. My parents just think that I became so much fragile because of it. Oh please.

I slipped on the red dress and looked at myself from the mirror. My red curls were all tangled up and the dress made me look just like an overgrown strawberry.

I went out of the bathroom and took one last glance around my room. I went down to the kitchen to grab anything to eat, but apparently the pantry and the refrigerator were empty, so I guess I’ll have to bear with my growling stomach for a while. I went out to find out that all the luggage were already loaded in the car and that we were all set to go.

I saw Mom come in the unit. “Oh, there you are, Lisette, are you ready to go?” she asked, with a hint of annoyance in her voice. I guess we’re not going to be as early as she planned. I really did not see the need to be so early though since the travel time from here to the airport was only about twenty to thirty minutes from here. I nodded back at her.

We went out of the building and had our last look at it. We then boarded the car and my mom drove us away from it, towards the Philadelphia International Airport.

~

“Thanks, Mom,” I grinned as I saw her coming to my seat. She handed me the sandwich and I immediately dug in. She must have noticed that I haven’t eaten.

“No problem,” she smiled back. I guess she’s back to her good mood, now that we have gone through all the processes and done all the procedures needed in the airport. It was 5:00 in the morning and we were to board in ten minutes. For a while, we sat in silence as I was eating my sandwich.

“So, how do you feel about moving back to Arizona?” she asked me, to break the silence.

I honestly did not know how I felt about it. I didn’t want to disappoint her though, so I just smiled. “I’m happy that I get a chance to finally go around the place now that I’m well.”

She was pleased with my answer. “That’s why we’re moving back.” Suddenly, the happiness was removed from her face and she sighed. “If only Jordan was here.”

The atmosphere around us grew a bit heavier than before. We sat once again in silence as I took the last bite from my sandwich.

“Attention. To all passengers of flight AA 375 to Tempe, Arizona, you may now board the plane,” the lady over the PA said. Thank goodness. I just want to escape the tension from the air.

“Come on, Mom, let’s go,” I gave her a weak smile. She smiled back in return, forgetting about her sadness over Jordan.

We presented our tickets and took our respective seats in the plane. I looked out of the window that was beside me as we took off in the air. I continued looking out until my view of the state of Philadelphia was finally blocked by the puffy, white clouds. I then closed my eyes to get the much-needed sleep I was deprived of, and began dreaming of the countless good memories I once had with Jordan.