I Must Be Blind, to Not Have Seen the Signs

I’ been home for about 10 minutes since getting back from Pip’s and I couldn’t sit still. I knew in myself that she was there and I couldn’t wrap my head around why she wouldn’t just let me in.

But then I figured she’s talk to me when she was ready. There was no point pushing her.

So I sat staring at the TV when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I whipped it out to see who could possibly be texting me at this time.

It was Pip.

sorry for ignoring you before
I just wasn’t ready for anyone
I’ve listened to what you gave me and it helped
Thank you so much for being there.
I know it’s late and you probably only just got home
And don’t fancy coming back over but I would
Love to see you.
Pip x

I was halfway out the door by the time I’d finished reading it, and I sent her a quick text to tell her I was on my way.

I’ll be there as soon as I can
Josh x

I was just hoping she wouldn’t change her mind and not want to see me by the time I got there so I tried to go as quickly as I could.

It took me about 20 minutes to get to her and this times I knocked a bit more calmly. The fact I was nervously waiting for her might have made the time that it took her to answer the door seem longer, but eventually she opened the door.

She looked so small, fragile and broken. Her eyes were red around the edges and her cheeks were blotchy and wet, but I swear I’d never seen her look more beautiful. I know it’s a strange thing to think, but just to see her like that, not really giving a fuck about what she looked like made her that tad more attractive to me.

We didn’t say anything for a few seconds, she just looked at me before her lip started to quiver and her eyes began to flood.

“No, no” I whispered before I grabbed her hand and pulled her into my chest. She covered her eyes and pretty much collapsed against me whilst I rubbed her back lightly. I hated seeing her cry, and especially over that cheating twat.

I didn’t fancy standing in her doorway in full view of the world whilst she cried, so I pulled away slightly and started gently pushing her inside.

“Come on love, let’s get you inside yeah?” I whispered to her and she nodded ever so slightly. I shut the door behind me and then led her through her apartment. To be honest I had no idea where I was going, but I followed the sound of the TV and made it to her lounge.

I sat on the sofa and pulled her down next to me. She curled into my side, still crying softly and I put my arms around her waist, making sure she was as close to me as possible.

After maybe about 15 minutes of nothing but the sound of the TV and her quiet sobbing, she sat up and wiped her eyes. I moved some hair that was stuck to her face and kissed her forehead before she leaned against my chest again.

“I’m sorry for making you come over her this late, I don’t mean to mess you about or anything” she said quietly but I just dismissed her.

“Don’t be stupid Pip; I said I’d drop whatever I was doing”

“Why?” she whispered ever so quietly I almost didn’t catch it.

“Why what?”

“Why would you drop everything, just for me?” she said louder this time whilst sitting up and looking at me with her blood shot eyes.

Because I fell for you the moment I set my eyes on you and there’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for you.

Yeah like she needed her emotions fucked up anymore? I moved some more of her hair from her face and searched those watery eyes to find what she wanted to hear. They were blank though, so I just said what I thought would sound plausible.

“Because you’re my friend Pip, I hate seeing you like this when you’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve it. Plus like I said to you before, I know exactly how you’re feeling right now and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone”

A small smile touched her lips and I shook her side playfully.

“Ahh see that’s the smile I’ve been waiting for” I joked and her smile got wider. “There we go, cant stop you now eh?”

She giggled and slapped my chest to which I pretended to be hurt by.

“Who was she?” she asked quietly but me having the slowest brain in the world had no idea what she was on about. “The girl you wrote the song’s about? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want too but-“

“No it’s fine” I said and turned to her a little more. She’d now moved her legs so they were draped across my lap and she was playing with the hem of my jumper whilst I kept my arms firmly around her. I missed being this close to someone, and the fact I was now being this close with Pip made my heart hammer.

“Her name was Hanna. We were together for about four years. We only just ended things recently really. But we broke up a few times over the four years we were together. We ended things just as we began writing for the album I gave you so it was kind of like a way of venting. Anyway long story short she did it while I was on tour”

I hadn’t really spoken about the whole Hanna thing in this much depth to anyone really. I just told people what happened was probably for the best and left it at that, but just looking at Pip made me want to carry on.

“I know we hardly ever saw each other, but I loved her with everything I had. I wouldn’t even think about cheating on her, so when I found out she’s actually done it to me, I just didn’t know what to do. I mean I trusted her with all I had and she just fucked me over.” I took a breath then. I was getting so worked up for some reason, like all these feelings were resurfacing and If pip was feeling just a fraction of it, I just wanted to make it go away.

“It makes it hard for me to trust people you know? Like anyone new I meet. I mean if the person I thought loved me most in the world could do that to me, what’s stopping anyone else?”

Pip just nodded to that. I only then just noticed she’s been looking down at her hands the entire time. I put my finer under her chin and made her look at me. I noticed there were fresh tears forming in her eyes and she was biting down on her bottom lip like that might stop them escaping.

“I trust you completely though, Pip” I whispered and she scrunched her eyes together which in turn made the tears escape from her eyes and slowly roll down her face. I wiped them away as quickly as I could and kissed her forehead lightly before she spoke again.

“Sorry, it’s just what you said just now, it’s like you read my mind. And I feel so stupid, like I should have seen this coming somehow, or I misread the signs”

“Pip, none of this is your fault, you did nothing wrong. You couldn’t have seen this coming. No one else did. You’re not to blame in this one little bit alright?”

“Alright” she sniffed and then placed her head back on my chest. “It’s hard though. And you know what hurts the most? I thought Ava was my friend. I mean whenever there was like office parties or anything me and her would always hang out you know? And I texted her the night before asking if he was gonna be in tomorrow and she said yes. It’s almost like she planned it.”

“stupid bitch” I whispered into her hair. “It gets better though, I promise you. Soon enough everything will be okay again”

A thought occurred to me then. Would she take him back? I mean once she got over the initial heart break would she realize how much she loved him and that she needed him back. I told myself I couldn’t let that happen. If they did it once, they could do it again. I knew that all to well from experience.

“Pip you need to promise me something okay? No matter if he pleads not to do it again, or tells you how much he loves you. Don’t get back with him. Even if you want to he’ll only hurt you again and I cant stand to see you like this. What he did was selfish and immature and you deserve way better than him. So just don’t fall for it yeah? Promise me”

She sat up after I’d finished and looked me dead in the eyes, a small smirk on her lips.

“I promise”