I Must Be Blind, to Not Have Seen the Signs

Man did I feel stupid.

Okay so josh was a good looking guy, but he was in a band and had loads of girls going after him. I was just me, and I had the most perfect boyfriend already. I didn’t need anyone else.

Josh texted me on the Monday, telling me he’d sorted some passes for Henry and I out so we could watch from the side of the stage. I was beyond excited to say the least.

Since I’d met them I downloaded their latest album and had been listening to it nonstop, so to actually know the people who made it and be able to watch the songs I loved so much being performed live blew my mind.

Henry and I get there at about 3pm and the boys were just running though a few songs but josh was no where in sight. We sat and watched whilst the boys ran around, and when they were done, they came over to us and we all shared a big hello.

“Where’s josh?” I asked max as the others talked idly about how massive the venue was

“Back in the dressing room, he’s resting his voice” he explained, but I must have looked like I had no idea what was going on because he explained a bit further. “Josh gets sick really easily so he needs to rest up or he’ll lose his voice halfway through the show”

“Oh okay”

“You can go see him if you want, he’s back in the same room as last week”

I nodded and then set off, leaving Henry with the boys to talk about, well, boy things. After taking a few wrong turns I eventually found their dressing room. The door was cracked open slightly so I poked my heard around and found josh lying on the sofa, all curled up.

I opened the door carefully, trying not to make a sound, but it seemed to have the opposite effect and the loudest creak ive ever heard a door make suddenly filled the room. Josh started moving and then he opened his eyes and saw me standing in to doorway awkwardly. “Pip?” he questioned, propping himself up on his elbows.

“Yeah it’s me, and shhh, you’re not supposed to be talking” I said and sat down on the sofa where his head had once been. He looked up at me, smiling widely before he collapsed back onto the sofa, his head now in my lap.

“I haven’t spoken since last night so I think I’ll be ok” he croaked out. He sounded dead, and liked he needed to sleep for 5 days. “How are you loved?”

“I’m fine, not so sure about you though. Are you sure you’ll be able to play tonight?” I asked. I really wanted to just run my fingers though his hair, but I thought better of it. Then again we were friends right? And I wanted him to feel comfortable around me, so I just went for it.

He had such soft hair; it was like stroking a cloud.

“I’ll be alright once the adrenalin kicks in” he said and sighed contently.

“Yeah, well what about after?”

“I’ll probably crash harder than the titanic” he whispered and then coughed.

“Ok you need to stop talking” I laughed and he turned so he was looking up at me.

“But I feel rude not talking when you’re here”

“Well I don’t wanna be the cause of you not being able to sing tonight, and don’t worry about me, I’d rather you feel better than you having to spare my feelings”

To this he just nodded and turned back on his side. I carried on running my fingers though his hair, and as time went on josh’s breathing got heaver and I guess he fell asleep. I sat there for a while, just thinking about nothing and everything until I felt my own eyes begin to droop. I was just about stop close them when the door burst open and all the guys came in.

Josh nearly jumped out of his skin from the shock, and I didn’t react that much better, but he sat up and rubbed his eyes before resting his head on my shoulder.

For the next hour or so they boys just chilled, and took the piss out of josh because he couldn’t say anything back. It was soon time for the guys to warm up so Henry took the spot josh was in and wrapped his arms around me before planting a kiss on my forehead. I hadn’t seen him drinking, but I could smell the alcohol on his breath and he seemed much more open than usual.

“So max said they have a spare bunk we can stay in tonight and then we can go home tomorrow. You okay with that?”

“Sure that sounds good” I smiled and we sat back and watched the guys warm up. Josh came back about half an hour later looking much, much better.

“Right you two beautiful people; let’s go find you somewhere to watch yeah?” josh said, and Henry and I followed him to the side of the stage. We had a really good view, and it was fun to watch the guys run around and get pumped up before the show.

If I hadn’t known josh was ill then I would have thought there was nothing wrong with him. He sounded pitch perfect and was running around like a rabbit on speed. I guess he was right, when that adrenaline kicks in he would be fine.

The boys had such amazing stage presence, and the chemistry between them was so visible when they were playing. Josh was feeding off the crowd’s energy too. They were wild, and he was just taking whatever they were throwing at them.

But alas, all good things must come to an end. They boys played their last song and then filed off the stage, still high on adrenalin.

“LETS PARTY PEOPLE” max suddenly exclaimed and we all followed him to the dressing rooms. There was a large “function” room out the back and everyone piled in there. Henry, josh and I were at the back, and when we walked in josh carried on down the hall.

“You coming?” I asked and he turned around quickly, flashing me a bright smile.

“Yeah I’ll be there in a sec” he said before walking down the hall and into the dressing room.

The room was full of people I didn’t know, so I stuck with Henry. Henry though was the life and soul of the room. He would just walk up to anyone and strike up a conversation no problem.

I kept looking out for josh, but I never saw him come back into the room. After about an hour I made my excuses about needing the loo and went looking for him.

He was in the dressing room, draped on the small sofa in the most uncomfortable position I think ive ever seen anyone in. My heart clutched at the sight. He looked grey and the bags under his eyes were visible even in the dim light.

Looks like the crash had come in full force.