Beautiful Mess

Lindsey

It was almost six in the morning by the time I finally got out of the emergency room. My whole body felt completely drained as I sat in the passenger's seat of Lacey's car and stared out the window.

We arrived at my apartment, and when I got inside I couldn't even remember walking there from the car. I felt Lacey's hand circle around my wrist and looked up at her. "Linds, go get some sleep. I'm gonna sleep here on the couch, okay?"

I nodded and got her a blanket out of the hall closet. I walked down to my bedroom and got in bed without changing or even getting under the blankets. Honestly, I didn't think that after the night I'd just had that I would be able to fall asleep, but I guess my body and mind were so exhausted that I crashed as soon as my head hit the pillow.



I woke up when I heard my bedroom door creak open and felt someone sit down on the bed. I opened my eyes, expecting to see Lacey sitting there, but instead found Matt looking down at me. He didn't say anything, just pulled me up into his arms and hugged me tightly.

I put my head on his shoulder and chewed on my lip when I felt the tears coming. "Who told you?" I managed to choke out.

"Lacey," he said quietly.

"Of course." I buried my face in his neck, and before I could stop myself, I was sobbing. "I lost the baby, Matt. Our baby."

I heard him sigh as he pulled me into his lap and started rubbing my back. "Shh, I know, sweetheart. I'm here, okay?" It was so easy just to let myself relax in his arms. I slid my arms around his neck, and we stayed like this until I had finally calmed down.

When the flow of tears ceased, I pulled my face out of Matt's neck and wiped at my eyes. "I'm sorry, Matt. I'm so sorry."

He wiped the tears that remained on my face with his palm. "For what?"

"Everything," I answered, trying not to cry again. "For breaking up with you over something stupid. For not telling you I was pregnant. For...for losing the baby."

He shook his head and pressed his lips against my forehead. "There is nothing to be sorry about, okay?"

My head snapped up as a thought hit me. "Wait, what are you doing here? What about the tour?"

He scratched the back of his head and sighed. "No big deal. Some dates got moved around, that's all."

"Matt," I said. "Why would you do that just to come here?"

"Because you need me here, Lindsey. You're probably too stubborn to admit it, but it's the truth."

He was right, and I knew it. Being in his arms made me feel so much better about everything. "I'm glad you're here, but at the same time I know you're just going to have to turn around and leave again."

"Then come with me, baby. Fuck that job at the flower shop! You hate working there."

"It's not just about the job now," I said. "Everything with the baby...Matt, I've never had anything happen that hurt as bad as that. Not even when you left the first time. I'm gonna be a mess for a while."

His hand went back through my hair. "I know, Lindsey, I completely understand. But let me be here for you, okay? That's all I'm trying to do." He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine for the first time in what seemed like ages.

I managed a small smile as I looked up into his eyes. "I love you."