All We've Ever Known

“Alex… What are you doing here?” Macy asked as she backed away slightly.

“I told you I’d let you know when my tour ended!” I laughed. I opened up my arms, inviting her in for a hug and said, “Well, here I am!”

She smiled warily and hugged me, her scent filling my nose. It was different this time – a new perfume that she must’ve started using, since I didn’t recognize the smell at all. Regardless, I loved it – I could’ve stood there for hours just hugging her.

She backed away again and said, “Yeah, but I didn’t think you were going to… Come here! I was just expecting a text or whatever…”

I shrugged and replied, “Yeah, well… I thought this was better. I figured we had quite a lot of catching up, eh? Now that you don’t hate my guts and all?”

She seemed a little taken aback by that statement and said, “Alex… I never hated your guts…”

“Well, whatever! I figured we could have a nice evening,” I said, following her as she began walking back to her car.

“Wait,” she said, stopping in her tracks. I turned to look at her utterly confused face. “How did you know to meet me here? How did you even know where I lived?!”

I laughed, because it did seem creepy that I happened to know exactly where she’d be.

“From Val,” I replied nonchalantly. “Apparently her and Paul are very protective of their numbers and haven’t changed them since I last spoke with them. Rian still has both of the numbers – ‘Why?’ you may ask? I have no idea… But I just called her!” I shrugged my shoulders at the last part and waited for her answer. She seemed to be in a deep thought, and I didn’t want to disturb her, since that always usually set her off.

“She… Let you come here?” she asked, dumbfounded. I nodded and she opened her car door, putting her purse on the passenger seat. “I would never have anticipated that… Does… Does Paul know?!”

“No, no…” I said quickly. “And he can’t know… You know what he’d do to the both of us…”

She laughed and said quietly, “He’d probably castrate you and then lock me up in the basement for eternity.”

I had to laugh at that, and I looked at the ground. It was nice to have lighthearted talk again with her. Ever since that night in DC, I felt much easier around her.

“So!” I said, shoving my hands into the pockets of my sweatshirt. “Where are these great places you have to show me?”

She smiled and replied, “Well, I have to go home and change first… You don’t want me walking around in scrubs do you?”

“No,” I laughed. “But I have to admit, you don’t look half bad in them!”

I could see the redness creep over her cheeks as she huffed in annoyance. She got into her car, ordering me to just follow her back to her apartment. I agreed and got into my car, following her all throughout the city. Luckily, her apartment wasn’t far from her job, so it wasn’t long before we pulled into the parking lot. I got out of the car and followed her up to the door.

“You’re lucky I just cleaned yesterday…” she muttered as she fumbled in her purse for her keys.

I definitely felt bad that I was surprising her, but Val had reassured me that she’d be happy to see me, so I dismissed the feeling of intrusion.

“You know I wouldn’t have cared anyway…” I laughed as I climbed the steps behind her. “If it’s anything as bad as your room in high school, I’m sure I can handle it.”

“Shut up!” she exclaimed, smiling as she opened her apartment door. “I’m not a messy person anymore.”

As she pushed opened the door, she seemed to be right – her apartment was impeccably clean.

“You cleaned this?” I asked, looking around the quaint, homey living room.

She nodded and replied, “Are you kidding me? Paul and Val are absolute slobs.”

“Do you live with them, or… Do you all chip in?” I said, sitting down on the tan sofa.

“My brother and I bought this place together, and then Val moved in last year. So, yeah, I guess we all chip in now.”

I nodded and watched as she put her stuff on the kitchen table.

“I’m just going to change real quick, alright?” she said, walking towards her bedroom. I nodded and waited patiently for her to return.

I still couldn’t believe that I was actually sitting her living room. I couldn’t believe that I had the guts to come up here the way I did… What if she had told me that she didn’t want to see me? What if she had been too tired to go out, or was offended that I had come without her knowing? I shook my head, finding my worrying absolutely useless. I was here, and she didn’t mind that I was sitting on her couch. I got butterflies thinking about the night ahead of us.

She emerged about ten minutes later in a simple white, slightly lacy shirt and dark, very flattering skinny jeans. She shut her bedroom door and grabbed her purse, a hesitant smile on her face.

“I guess we can go now!” she said, standing before me.

Her scars looked much less prominent now that I had seen them quite a few times, even though to any other person, they probably jumped right out. She still took me off guard with how beautiful she was… Despite the scars, she still had a bright sparkle in her icy blue eyes that I hadn’t seen for so many years. She looked… Healthy, and for some reason that filled me with so much of an emotion that I couldn’t even describe. It was so surreal to be in the presence of a Macy that I had missed so much.

“You look… Beautiful,” I said, stunned. She blushed and headed for the door.

“Thank you… But I guess we should be going now?” she said, as she reached for the door handle.

She looked up and held eye contact with me for what felt like eternity. My eyes roamed her face, and I was overcome with the desire to kiss her. She seemed to sense this, since her eyes were wide with alarm.

I cleared my throat, sensing the awkwardness, and replied, “Yeah… Yeah, we should…”

She opened the door and I followed her back out of the apartment and down the steps. All I could think about as I followed her back out to the parking lot was how stupid I was. I couldn’t possibly kiss her again – I couldn’t kiss her ever! I spent the entire ride over to Delaware convincing myself that this was just “hanging out”, but the night took on a new feeling – one that involved holding hands and a goodnight kiss.

The elephant in the room made it even worse. If I hadn’t kissed her that night at the show, I’m sure it wouldn’t feel as terribly awkward as it did now. Was I overreacting? Was it really this awkward? She seemed pretty collected as she stopped when we got to the car – but then again, Macy had a knack for disguising her true emotions.

“Are we… Taking your car?” she asked timidly.

I smiled and replied, “Yes, if you don’t mind. I actually have a destination to take you to as well. Well, actually two.”

“Oh, do you now?” she replied with a laugh. “Well, alright then – lead the way!”

I led her out to my car and opened the door for her, getting a sarcastic remark about being “such a gentleman” in response. I laughed and walked around to my side and got in.

“Nice car,” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“I know, doesn’t it make me look like such a pretentious douche?” I laughed, putting my seatbelt on.

I did love my Range Rover, though. I wouldn’t have chosen any other car when it came down to it. Plus, it made me feel like I had accomplished something big, since I got it when we had signed to Hopeless.

“So, I’m hoping you’ll allow me to take you out to dinner,” I said as I pulled out of the parking lot. “I saw this really nice Mexican restaurant on the way in here, and I figured we could eat there. I hope your favorite is still Mexican!”

My muscles tightened when I realized that she probably hadn’t eaten Mexican food in quite some time. Was she even allowed to eat it? I knew she had stomach issues due to her bulimia when we broke up, and I assumed they had worsened over time… My main fear was that she would freak out and we’d have to uncomfortably leave…

“Mexican’s cool, right? I mean, we can eat somewhere else if you want!” I said quickly before she could make her decision.

“Of course! Sounds good to me,” she said with a smile, though her voice sounded slightly uneasy. “That works out, since the place I wanted to show you was one for dessert!”

“Well then, Miss Granger. I believe we have ourselves a great night ahead of us,” I said with a laugh as I headed in the direction of the restaurant.

“Alex?” she asked hesitantly, her eyes scanning the foliage whizzing past us.

“Hm?” I replied, glancing at her.

“Why did you honestly come here?”

I paused, unsure of what she meant. I sighed before replying, “Honestly? I just wanted to see you again. I miss hanging out with you… As silly as that sounds.”

She turned and smiled. “It’s not silly… It means a lot…”

She gently brushed my arm with her fingertips, sending chills throughout my whole body. She leaned comfortably back in her seat, her eyes returning to the window.

I knew right then that I was in deep shit. I had fully allowed myself to venture into forbidden territory, and I knew there was no turning back. I was the one who initiated all of this with her, so ultimately it was all my fault, but I honestly couldn’t bring myself to regret it. I felt comfortable and happy sitting beside Macy, and as I snuck glances at her through the corner of my eye, she gave me intense butterflies. Lisa was surely going to lop my balls off in my sleep because of all of this, but at that moment, I really could care less.