All We've Ever Known

I couldn’t help but feel comforted as Alex led me back to his car. He opened my door for me and smiled as I slid onto the leather seat. He quickly ran to his side and got in, that same smile still plastered to his face. I shamelessly stared at him as he backed off of the grass from the field and onto the deserted road, and I smiled to myself. He had a way of half-smiling when he was truly happy – it was a smile that he subconsciously made that was solely for his benefit. It only occurred when everything had gone his way and he was totally content in life.

“What?” he laughed once he caught my stare. I only smiled and looked away, earning another “what” from the confused boy.

I shook my head and replied, “Nothing, you just haven’t changed a bit.”

“Oh, I know,” he joked, brushing his hand down his cheek. “I’m still so gorgeous, aren’t I?”

I only shook my head again, unable to contain the large grin that was taking over my face. I couldn’t help but be happy. Alex coming to find me reassured me that I wasn’t screwed for life – there was hope for normalcy, and now it was so attainable. There was hope that I could trust someone again and hope that I could love someone again, and that was enough to quell any fear that I had in that moment. Sure, there was a possibility that it could all be short-lived, but for the first time in a long time I was able to push all of the doubts out of my mind.

“Hey, it’s still early,” Alex said, pointing to the clock on the dashboard. “If you want we can drive down to my place! I’m sure we can find something fun to do.”

All of my muscles clenched slightly when he mentioned his home, and it took a while for me to process that it would be okay to return to Maryland. I had to push past my fears if I wanted to make this work, and so I slowly nodded my head and agreed.

“Are you sure? I mean… We don’t have to,” Alex said quickly.

“No, no! That’s a better idea than staying here. My brother’s probably home, and I don’t really feel like seeing him any time soon.”

Alex nodded and said, “What happened with your brother anyway? Val told me you had a falling out…”

“Wait, what did she tell you?” I asked, confused.

“Nothing… Just that he said some mean things…”

“Oh… Well, I mean, it’s nothing now,” I muttered. “I’m not really in the mood to talk about it.”

“Okay, then can you explain to me why I couldn’t reach you for an entire week? I had to hunt you down, for God’s sake!”

“Oh,” I laughed. “My phone broke… I still have yet to get a new one.”

It wasn’t a laughing matter though, I just wanted to drop the conversation. It all intertwined with my brother, and I was sick of his words replaying over and over again in my mind. After all, he was the reason I threw my phone and broke it in the first place… I was still incredibly hurt by what he had said to me, mainly because I knew it was all true. I was fooling myself thinking I could do this on my own, when in reality, there was a huge possibility I’d come crawling back to my brother like I always did.

Stop it… I told myself. You’re happy right now, don’t ruin it…

The drive back to Maryland wasn’t as long as I had remembered it being, and soon Alex parked his car in his driveway and sighed with contentment. I got out slowly, stretching my aching muscles. He took me gently by the hand and led me inside, and I was shocked to find that there was no dog feverishly licking me.

“Where’s Baz?” I questioned, looking around.

“Oh… He’s with Lisa…” Alex replied, scratching the back of his neck. “I guess you can call it joint custody.”

“I see… How’s she doing?”

Alex shrugged, staring down at the ground. “She’s doing fine, I guess…”

“Alex…” I moaned, plopping down on his couch. “I feel so guilty.”

“No, no, no! Do not feel guilty Macy Lynn.” He took a seat beside me and continued, “Look, you need to stop thinking about her. It’s you and me now, okay? No drama, no nothing. You and me.”

“Okay,” I whispered, nodding.

“Hey!” a voice boomed from the bottom of the staircase. I whirled around to see Rian smiling widely, a bowl full of just milk in his hand. Ah… Rian’s inability to finish the milk after he’s eaten all the cereal…

“Hey, Rian,” I replied softly, feeling redness creep into my cheeks.

I didn’t know why I felt slightly embarrassed, but it was weird being in Alex’s house as his… Significant other. I still felt out of place in Maryland, and being in Alex’s house was no exception.

“What are you guys doing here?” he asked, crossing over to the kitchen and placing his bowl in the sink.

Alex shrugged and replied, “I just thought here would be a better place to hang out.”

“Oh… Well, in that case – why don’t you guys accompany me and… My new girlfriend to dinner?” Rian asked, somewhat sheepishly. I looked to Alex who seemed slightly annoyed.

“New girlfriend?” I questioned uneasily. Since when did Rian have a new girlfriend? What about Kara?

“He’s dating Cassadee Pope,” Alex answered in a monotone voice. “Which I am not too fond of.”

“Wait…” I said in confusion. “You and Kara aren’t together anymore?! She never told me…”

I felt slightly deceived – Kara never once said anything about a break up. In fact, she hadn’t spoken to me since March, and I had talked to her practically every week prior to my trip. I was confused as to why she would withhold such information, since Rian was always such a huge part of her life.

I looked at Rian, who shifted uncomfortably. Clearly it was all so new to him, so I didn’t press any further. Kara was Rian’s second girlfriend, and although he probably had some short-lived relationships in between their semi-rocky relationship, he was probably very nervous to embark on a very new relationship.

“Do you want to go out with them?” Alex asked, squeezing my knee. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“Although, I want you to,” Rian added quickly. “I think you’d really like her, Mace.”

I had to laugh at that and replied, “Ri, I think I’m the last person you should be looking for approval from! It was ages since I’ve talked to you before I came back here.”

“Still, I think you guys would really hit it off.”

Alex smiled slightly and said, “You know, I think he’s right. Cass is a really, really chill and fun person. I’d have to agree that you guys would get along swimmingly.”

I raised an eyebrow and questioned, “You just said you weren’t happy about her…”

“Eh, I’m not happy about the relationship, but Cass will always be a really great friend no matter what.”

“Well, then… I guess that sounds like a fun night out…” I concluded, clapping Alex on the knee and giving Rian a reassuring smile.

“Woo!” Rian exclaimed, running to the steps. He bounded up them, taking them by twos.

“He’s so odd…” I sighed.

“I heard that!” he shouted from the top of the steps. I tried my best to stifle my laughter, and he appeared at the bottom of the staircase moments later.

“I have to ask… Why are you here?” he asked, leaning against the doorway. “I mean… Why are you here with this guy over there?” He pointed to Alex, who looked to me – a smile playing on his lips.

“I… Uhm…”

“Well, I believe that’s how it works when you’re dating someone,” Alex answered for me. He snaked his arm around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. “That’s why she’s here with me, stupid!”

Rian’s mouth seemed to drop open, and he stood in silence for a couple moments before replying, “You two are… Are dating?!”

Alex didn’t respond – he only looked down at me and gave me one of the brightest smiles I’ve seen in quite some time. “I’m proud to call her my girlfriend once again!”

“I… Can’t even believe this! It’s a double date now!” Rian chirped happily. His excitement seemed to grow exponentially and he ran back up the steps – to get ready for his monstrous date, I assumed. “This is fantastic!”

I laughed and leaned up to kiss Alex, his fingers entwining in my hair. He kissed me for seemed like a while before he pulled away and smiled.

“I’m in disbelief myself, you know,” he said, tracing the scar beside my mouth. As always, my skin erupted in goose bumps and I pushed his hand gently away out of instinct.

“Why’s that?” I asked, watching as he sat back against the couch.

He shrugged and replied, “If someone had told my eighteen, nineteen, or even twenty-year-old self that I would be dating Macy Granger again, I think I would’ve laughed in their faces, thinking they were playing some sick joke on me. I never, ever thought I’d get you back… It feels… Surreal.”

I smiled softly and leaned back in to kiss him gently. “Well, then I’m glad we proved those hypothetical people wrong.”

He smiled in response and laid me back on the couch, his chest pressed into my body. The usual anxiety began to creep up in my chest as his hand gripped my side and his lips kissed me feverishly. I tried to push the oncoming panic away, but I didn’t like the position I was in, regardless of who was kissing me.

The doorbell rang just as I was about to pull away from Alex, and Rian flew back down the stairs. He was dressed in a simple pair of jeans and plain t-shirt. He opened the door excitedly, a huge smile plastered to his face.

“Hey,” he said breathlessly to the girl standing outside. She had brown hair with blonde bits scattered across it, and she had a huge, bright smile.

Perfect for Rian! I laughed to myself, picturing his massive, pearly-white, piano-key smile.

“Hey,” she replied quietly. She leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss him and then hugged him once she pulled away.

“Alright, guys,” Rian said, pulling her inside. “This is my girlfriend Cassadee!”

“Dude… I know who she is,” Alex laughed. “I’ve only toured with her for weeks, you know.”

Rian laughed in response and turned to me. “Well, then.. Macy, this is my girlfriend, Cassadee. Cassadee, this is one of my greatest friends, Macy.”

“Hi,” I said, somewhat shyly. “I just want to let you know, Rian almost broke his neck numerous times running down those stairs. He was so excited about his date with you tonight.” Alex nodded in agreement, his mouth pressed into a straight line which made his dimples appear as deep as the ocean. I felt in urge to press my finger into his dimple, like I always did throughout high school. I held myself back though, since that would be a slightly odd thing for Cassadee to see upon first meeting me.

“It’s really, really nice to meet you,” she replied with a genuine smile that convinced me she was extremely friendly. “Rian’s talked about you quite a bit.”

“Oh?” I laughed, raising an eyebrow. “Has he now?” I looked to him and narrowed my eyes.

“Don’t worry,” he smiled. “I never said anything incriminating!”

“Mhm…” I laughed.

“Alright!” Alex said, getting up off of the couch. He pulled me up with him and wrapped an arm around my waist. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

I followed Alex out to the front yard where he pulled me in for one last kiss.

“I can’t stop doing that,” he smiled, pressing his forehead to mine.

“You’re ridiculously cheesy…” I laughed, hitting him in the chest.

“Oh, come on! You love it!”

“Guys… I think it’s a little too soon with the PDA…” Rian said uneasily, opening Cassadee’s car door for her. “I just found out you guys got back together – let’s not make me nauseous from even more shock!”

Alex and I laughed and I got in the back seat of Rian’s car. Alex’s fingers intertwined with mine and he mouthed the words “I love you” as Rian pulled away from the house. I mouthed back “I love you, too”, feeling my heart swell with happiness as the words left my lips.