I Could Never Pretend

Amelia waited in the bedroom until she was certain that Johnny had completely left the apartment. The building was so quiet that she could hear his car pull off outside and she breathed a sigh of relief.

Now that she’d had a few moments to dwell on the situation, Amelia realised that her anger had subsided and she felt numb. In her experience this was just a short term coping mechanism. The tears and frustration would return later. Until then she needed to decide what she was going to do.

She climbed to her feet and put Brandon down on the bed before lying down beside him. He looked the picture of calm and she envied him. A few hours ago she had been just as content as the little boy and in less than five minutes her entire world had been turned upside down. Everything she thought she knew was falling to pieces; her friends, her work, her relationship.

Johnny was not the only person she was pissed with. She couldn’t believe that those closest to her, Jeff and Steve, would keep her in the dark about the possibility of another movie. Perhaps they thought she wouldn’t be able to cope with working with Bam. Well, that proved just how much they thought of her.

The thing that upset Amelia the most, however, was that her life in LA was rapidly starting to resemble the disaster of West Chester. Maybe her mother had been right at Christmas when she’d chastised Amelia for not learning from her failed marriage. Maybe she should have looked for someone more ‘stable’ after all.

Amelia closed her eyes. In the back of her mind were all the promises Johnny had made and how each of them was now meaningless. Johnny. Her best friend, the only person she had ever been able to trust. What a joke that was.

As she brought her hands up to her face she caught a glimpse of her bracelet and in particular, the infinity charm that Johnny had given her just a few days ago. It seemed like some kind of bad omen, now that she thought about it. She considered taking it off but it didn’t seem worth the trouble.

Glancing at her watch instead, Amelia realised that she had been daydreaming for almost fifteen minutes. The prospect of Johnny returning soon was not a welcome one. She needed space to sort her head out and if he was coming back here then she had to get away.

In a matter of minutes, Amelia had thrown some clothes into Brandon’s baby bag and they were back in the car. She had no idea where they were going to go, all that mattered was that Johnny would not be able to find her.

In the commotion, Amelia had forgotten that neither she nor Brandon had eaten anything since breakfast and as she drove through the streets of down town LA, Brandon started to complain that he was hungry.

***

Johnny picked Madison up from her swimming lesson just in time. As they drove towards Mel’s house, Madison could tell there was something up with her dad but she decided not to ask. Johnny was thankful for this. How could he explain to his fourteen year old daughter that he had once again managed to fuck up a relationship?

Bidding Madison goodbye as she jumped out of the car, Johnny faked his best smile. Inside he was dying. All of his gut feelings about telling Amelia the truth had been right, but it was too late. Now what was he supposed to do? This wasn’t going to be as simple as some flowers and an apology. Johnny had known that Amelia was fragile when they had started their relationship. He really should have treated her with more care, rather than hurting her in the same way as Bam.

Before he could make his way back to Amelia’s apartment his phone began to ring. Anxious that it might be Amelia, he pulled the phone from his pocket, only to see Jeff’s name flashing on the caller ID. He sighed loudly but took the call nonetheless.

“Hey dude. Have you spoken to Amelia? Laura’s tried ringing her but she’s not picking up.” If Jeff sounded anxious it was nothing in comparison to how Johnny was feeling.

“Yes.” Johnny replied shortly. “For all the good it did.”

“Why, what did she say?”

“It’s no good Jeff. I’ve royally fucked this up”, Johnny groaned into the phone.

He proceeded to tell Jeff how his attempt at reconciliation with Amelia had gone.

“It seems a little harsh”, Jeff thought. “I mean, I know you lied and stuff, but it’s not like you agreed to go along with Bam’s stupid deal.”

If only it was that simple.

Johnny rubbed his temple with his free hand. “I know Jeff and I said that to her, but that’s not the point. As far as she’s concerned, it’s Bam all over again. I lied to her and betrayed her. She’ll never trust me again.”

***

Bam was quietly minding his own business in the car park of the convenience store when a familiar looking vehicle pulled up a few spaces away from his rental car. Exhaling a cloud of smoke, he glanced at the registration plate just to be sure.

No way, Bam thought to himself as he watched the driver climb out with the little boy in tow. This was too good to be true. He stubbed out his joint on the pavement and climbed out of his own car to wait patiently for the mother and child to return from the store.

After a few minutes Bam saw the woman reappear, holding her son’s hand with one arm and a grocery bag with the other. Bam was preparing himself to gloat as the woman walked towards him but as she drew closer and he saw the look in her eye, he immediately wiped the smirk from his lips.

The devastation on Amelia’s face, although not blindingly obvious from a distance, was enough to change Bam’s mind. When he had first spotted her car he was prepared to jump on the opportunity of winding her up but now he just could not bring himself to follow through with it. He had caused her enough pain.

Amelia was so distracted by her thoughts that she didn’t even notice him standing there as she fumbled around for her keys. It was the little boy who recognised Bam and started pulling towards him. Amelia looked up from her purse to see who Brandon had spotted and her face turned sour.

“Just go to hell Bam.” Amelia shook her head and went back to searching for her keys. She had no time for him right now.

“Nice to see you too,” Bam pouted. He smiled down at Brandon who was fighting to get free from his mother’s grasp.

“Whatever you were going to say, don’t bother. I really don’t want to hear it.” Amelia told him plainly, finally finding her keys and unlocking the door.

“I wasn’t going to say anything.” he paused. “I wasn’t, really.”

“Sure you weren’t.” She raised her eyebrow at him before opening the back door and throwing in the grocery bag.

“Ok fine I was, but I had a change of heart.” Bam shrugged and pulled his best ‘honest’ face.

“I didn’t realise you had a heart.” Amelia didn’t bother to look at him as she picked the struggling toddler up and tried to fasten him into the child seat.

Bam put a hand to his chest, pretending to be hurt as he watched Amelia wrestle with Brandon, finally getting him secured in the seat.

“Like I said Bam, I don’t want to hear it. I haven’t got time.” She closed the back door and started to make her way round to the driver’s side.

“If I didn’t know better I’d say you were running away”, Bam observed. He could see the bag in the back of the car.

“Well you don’t know better”, Amelia retorted.

Before she could take another step however, Bam had taken her by the wrist. “Please, can we talk?”

The touch of his skin on hers surprised Amelia and she jerked her hand away as if she had been burnt. “I have nothing to say to you Bam.”

“Well I have lots to say to you. Don’t you think it’s about time we had a talk?” He didn’t really have lots to say to her, but he thought that this was what she needed to hear.

To be perfectly honest, yes Amelia did think they should talk. She didn’t tell him this however but she didn’t walk away either.

“Come on. What do you have to lose? You already know what a dick I am. What can I do to possibly make things worse between us?”

Bam was right. He was the only person Amelia did not feel betrayed by right now and it felt strangely comforting.

“I really just want to be alone right now Bam.” She felt her defence starting to fall and she wished he would just leave her be.

“Ok.” Bam hesitated. “So you are running away.”

Amelia’s lack of reply gave her away.

“I’m guessing you have nowhere to go, right?” he continued.

Amelia sighed wearily. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead”, she admitted.

Bam started to dig around in his pocket, earning a suspicious look from Amelia. “Well here’s the key to my hotel room. You can stay there if you like. I mean, I’m probably going to be out all the time anyway. There’s no sense in letting it go to waste.”

“You must be joking.” Amelia stared at him incredulously.

“Your loss”, Bam shrugged casually, putting the card back in his pocket, before pulling his cigarette packet out and offering one to Amelia.

Amelia gave him a funny look but accepted anyway. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Trying to be nice to me”, she frowned. She didn’t like it. Bam had been nothing but horrible to her for a year now and she’d grown used to it. This nice Bam was unsettling.

Bam shrugged again. “I wasn’t trying to be nice. I was just trying not to be horrible.”

Amelia eyed him suspiciously. She didn’t trust a word that came out of his mouth and yet, somehow she sensed that he was telling the truth. There was nothing he could do anymore that would shock or upset her. Perhaps that was exactly what she needed right now; someone who couldn’t hurt her anymore.

“Never mind, it was just an idea. I’ll leave you to it.” Bam turned and started to walk back to his car. There was no point in pushing Amelia. That was going to get neither of them very far.

Watching him make his way back to the rental car, eventually Amelia’s resolve weakened. She had spent all her negative energy focusing on Johnny, with none left for Bam. Besides which, the truth was, she didn’t really want to be alone right now.

“Fine. Let’s talk”, she shouted after him.

Bam stopped in his tracks and looked over his shoulder to where Amelia was still standing. “You want to talk?”

She nodded silently.