I Could Never Pretend

Amelia insisted on driving her car to the hotel, on the grounds that Bam was clearly high. She could only assume that this was the reason for him being, well, not horrible to her. The journey was spent in silence. For someone she had once been so close to, being around Bam now felt incredibly awkward.

Before they got to the room, Amelia thought that she had better make a few things clear. “We need to establish a few ground rules Bam.”

He looked at her in bemusement. “Go ahead”, he shrugged.

Amelia took a deep breath. “First of all, I still hate you.” She looked at him hard.

“I would expect nothing less.”

“Good. Secondly, the only reason I am here is because I have nowhere else to go right now.” This was not strictly true. Amelia could have easily rented her own hotel room but the thought seemed to have slipped her mind.

“Sure.” Bam unlocked the door and they walked inside. “While we’re on the subject of ground rules, just because I’ve invited you here doesn’t mean I’m going to apologise for anything I’ve said or done.” He turned and looked at Amelia, as if daring her to object. After all, she was his guest now.

Bam took her lack of response as an acceptance of this and continued. “And as it happens, I have a date tonight so I’ll be out of your way soon enough.”

“Good for you”, Amelia smirked. She was hardly surprised by this and could only feel sorry for his next unfortunate victim.

“Well I’m glad we’ve got that sorted.”

Amelia took Brandon over to the sofa and sat down. Her phone had not stopped vibrating since she had left the apartment but she had no desire to answer it. Instead, she unwrapped the sandwich that she had bought for Brandon and he tucked into it happily.

Bam pottered around the room for a little while, almost entirely ignoring Amelia. He was finding it slightly difficult to be around the woman who he’d been focusing all of his hatred on for so long.

It didn’t take long for Amelia to grow fed up with the silence. The reason they were here was to talk and she had plenty to say to him. The question was where to start? By confronting her issues with Bam, perhaps she could take her mind off Johnny for a while.

“I take it Knoxville didn’t tell you about our conversation at the wedding?” Bam beat her to it, taking a bottle of vodka from the mini bar and pouring two glasses. He handed one to Amelia.

“What do you think?” Amelia raised an eyebrow at him but willingly accepted the drink.

Bam leant against the counter. “That sucks.” He paused, deep in thought. “Sucks even more the way you found out.”

Amelia took a large gulp of vodka and shook her head. “If I didn’t know better I would have said you planned all of this.”

Bam nearly spat his drink out in amusement. “Credit where credit’s due Amelia, but I had no idea you were going to show up at the office.”

“That’s exactly what you wanted though, isn’t it?” She watched him take a large gulp of his drink.

Bam shrugged. The possibility of Amelia finding out about his deal with Knoxville had never really crossed his mind and he had not had time to consider how this might affect him personally.

“What did you want Bam? What did you expect to gain?” Her eyes pierced towards him and she finished her drink in another mouthful.

“I would have thought that was obvious.” Bam rolled his own eyes. “I wanted him to leave you.”

At that moment the tension in the air was deadly. Brandon even stopped mid bite, to look up at his parents out of curiosity. There were so many things Amelia wanted to say to Bam right now but she held her tongue. Most of the words that sprang to mind were not suitable to say in front of their son anyway. “Well it’s win-win for you then.”

Bam considered this for a moment. His eyes lit up when he realised what she was suggesting. “You mean you’re leaving him?”

Amelia did not respond and her eyes fell to the floor.

Bam scratched his head. This news should have satisfied him, but just like the look on Amelia’s face as she had left the convenience store, something held him back. He was about to question her, but something made him think better of it. Instead he got up and poured another drink for the two of them. She looked like she needed it.

Amelia took a sip of fresh vodka and continued to stare at the ground. Honestly, she had not really thought about what she was going to do. For the time being she just wanted to be away from Johnny.

“I forgot to congratulate you on that magazine article.” Amelia smirked at Bam before he had chance to ask any follow up questions.

Bam began to laugh. “Oh yeah. Brilliant wasn’t it? Really got my point across. Shame it had nothing to do with me.”

“I thought as much”, Amelia admitted. “For all your faults, I could never imagine you painting a bad picture of yourself”, she paused for a second. “So who was it?”

The fact that Amelia had believed him caught Bam off guard. “That’s it? You really didn’t think it was me?”

Amelia shook her head and watched Brandon as he ate. Anticipating his boredom, Amelia found the television remote and put on the kids’ channel.

After staring at her in surprise for a few moments, Bam explained that a rather scorned Terri had gone straight to the press after he had finished with her.

“So is any of it true?” Amelia looked at him firmly.

A snort came from Bam as he poured himself a third drink. “You tell me. Did you sleep with Knoxville while we were together?”

“No!” Amelia exclaimed indignantly. “But I wasn’t on about that. I meant the drugs Bam.”

It was Bam’s turn to look at the floor. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He had invited Amelia here to talk about her problems, not his.

In no mood to push him, Amelia decided to drop it. “Fine. I won’t say anything”, she conceded, but Bam’s response had told her enough.

An awkward silence returned to the air and Amelia decided to check her vibrating phone. Ignoring all contact from Johnny and the other dicks at the office, she spotted her sister’s name on the caller ID. By now Rose was sure to have heard everything that had happened from Ryan. Amelia sighed knowing it was probably best to deal with her sister sooner rather than later.

Not bothered by Bam’s presence in the room, Amelia accepted the call and heard the familiar and rather frantic voice of her younger sister.

“Amelia, what the hell is going on? I’ve been trying to call you all afternoon. Ryan told me what happened, obviously. Are you ok? Where are you? Johnny’s been looking for you. We’re all really worried.”

Eventually Rose paused for breath and Amelia was allowed to get a word in. “What is this? Twenty questions?”

Rose’s silence told Amelia that she was not impressed by her attempt at humour.

“If Ryan told you what happened then you know exactly how I am and why Johnny can’t find me.”

“Amelia”, Rose scolded. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Questions”, Amelia corrected her. “Fine. I’m sorry for not answering earlier but I didn’t want to talk to anyone. As for how I am? I’m feeling pretty shitty right now after finding out that my best friend, the man I love, has been lying to me.”

“Understandable”, Rose admitted. “Ryan said Johnny went round to your apartment to apologise, but you wouldn’t see him.”

“Nope. Why should I?” Amelia demanded bitterly, annoyed that they’d been talking behind her back.

“Did you even give him chance to explain himself?”

“Yes, not that it makes any difference.”

Rose sighed heavily. “Come on Amelia, everyone makes mistakes. You put up with a lot worse from Bam.”

Amelia found herself looking across the room at the man in question and her stomach jolted. What would Rose say if she could see her older sister now?

Shaking this thought from her mind, Amelia attempted to counter Rose’s argument. “That doesn’t mean I should forgive Johnny for breaking my trust though, does it? Surely it makes his betrayal even worse.” Amelia found herself struggling to defend her own decisions now.

“I’m not saying you should forgive him straight away, but at least talk things through with him. You’ve been through so much together. Don’t you think he deserves a second chance?”

Amelia ignored her sister’s question. Giving Johnny a second chance was the furthest thing from her mind right now. She was more worried about Rose finding out that she was sitting in a hotel room with her soon to be ex husband.

“I’ve got to go Rose. I’ll call you later.”

“Where are you Amelia?” Rose sounded worried.

“I’m staying with a friend”, and with that Amelia ended the call.

She threw her head into her hands in despair. Rose’s words had hit her hard. Why had she come here? What exactly had she hoped to gain from talking to Bam? It was only a matter of time before he resorted to his old ways and she would be left feeling stupid and even angrier. He didn’t really want to help her. Being nice to Amelia now was surely just his way of gaining points over Johnny. Perhaps that was exactly what she was doing too.

“A friend?” Bam repeated.

Amelia did not rise from her position. “This was a mistake. I knew I shouldn’t have come”, she mumbled into her hands. The alcohol was now coursing through her body and although she did not feel drunk, she could feel her heart rate increasing and her palms sweating.

“What? Because your little sister reminded you of what a terrible person I am?” Bam mocked.

“She didn’t need to remind me.” Amelia sat up and looked him in the eye.

Bam shook his head. “Well you’ve changed your tune. I thought we were getting on.”

“No we weren’t Bam. How could we? After all the things you’ve done...” Amelia rubbed her temple. The guilt niggled at her.

“Maybe you were right. You shouldn’t have come”, Bam snapped as he cut her off in agreement. He had tried being civilised with Amelia but she was obviously not prepared to do the same. After draining his glass, Bam stood up and continued. “But it doesn’t really matter anymore because I’m going out.”

“You are?” Amelia looked up at him, slightly alarmed. She’d forgotten all about his date.

“Yup”, Bam nodded as he pulled on his jacket. “Don’t wait up”, he winked. Grabbing his keys and wallet, Bam made his way towards the door.

Watching him leave, a strange and uncomfortable sensation overtook Amelia. As conniving and unpredictable as he could be, she realised she didn’t want Bam to go and leave her alone. Why, she could not say.

“Bam”, Amelia squeaked timidly.

He had just opened the door when he looked over his shoulder in surprise. “What?”

“Please don’t go.”

With that a tidal wave of tears came flooding from Amelia’s eyes. It was impossible for her to hold them back any longer, although she wasn’t entirely sure what she was crying about. Her hold body shook as she started to sob and Brandon looked up from his cartoons and stared at his mother anxiously.

Bam observed the scene in shock. For a moment he did not know what to do, but instinct, although a distant memory, soon took over. Dropping his keys and letting the door slam shut, Bam moved swiftly over to the sofa and took Amelia in his arms, his body absorbing every tremble as Amelia cried her eyes out.

***

For a while Bam sat quietly, just holding Amelia in his arms. Despite the temptation he did not stroke her hair or rub her back. He was afraid to move for fear that he would only make matters worse. At the same time it was surprising how natural it felt to have her so close to him again. The scent of her perfume and the softness of her hair, he would never forget. What a fool he had been to ever let her go.

Eventually Amelia’s crying seemed to subside and she managed to catch her breath. Only then did she realise where she was. The scent of peppermint and cigarettes, mingled with aftershave told her that she was currently in her husband’s arms. Despite how angry she was with him, the familiar warmth of his body was comforting. She’d never thought that she could feel safe in his arms again.

“I’m sorry”, Amelia stammered, finally pulling away and feeling shame wash over her. “I don’t know what came over me.”

Bam bit his lip but did not move from the sofa. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“It’s ok Bam, really. You’d better go. Your date will be waiting.” Surprisingly, Bam had actually done nothing wrong.

Bam looked at Amelia, unsure. Suddenly the prospect of going on this date and being with another woman made him feel unclean inside. Amelia had asked him to stay and he knew that he would.

“I don’t think I’ll bother”, he decided. “That is, if you don’t mind me staying. I promise to be nice.”

Although the idea of Bam being nice was somewhat difficult to imagine, Amelia was grateful for him staying nonetheless. A familiar face, no matter what the circumstance, was definitely preferable to being alone with her thoughts.

“I don’t mind”, she whispered.