Dirty Little Secrets

--Danny--

Kennedy showed up at my house at around seven. He was so cute. We held hands all the way to the theater and once we got there, we saw a familiar old white Ford truck sitting in the parking lot. “Shit,” he mumbled. “I forgot.”

“About?”

“I invited John to come with us when he was still with Kim. Oh well. Do you mind?”

“No, not at all.”

We walked in and John was standing there with a permanent smile on his face, holding a big container of popcorn. He had on a white t-shirt and khaki shorts, and he still looked good.

“Hey guys. I was starting to think you’d never show.” He walked next to me and Kennedy kept pulling me closer to him. I started to feel like this night wouldn’t end well.

I didn’t know what we were seeing until the movie came on and of course it was The Hitcher. I hated horror movies. I’d end up looking down the entire time.

I was sitting in between the two of them and the arm rest between Kennedy and I was up, but John was leaning towards me. Three minutes into the movie and I was already terrified and Kennedy put his arm around me. And guess what. It didn’t make me feel better. The first scary scene came on and I almost jumped out of my skin in John’s direction. Why was I gravitating towards him?

I was covering my eyes and Kennedy would whisper when I should look and I could see John out of the corner of my eye shaking his head. Out of nowhere, he grabbed my hand and held it tightly but continued to look at the screen as if he weren’t doing anything.

I pushed Kennedy’s arm off of me, held John’s face in both hands and started to kiss him.

I snapped out of it and was able to look at the screen, but not really process what was happening. I don’t think I have feelings for John. I know I do.

But Kennedy… Things were so new with him. I know he likes me; I don’t know for sure if John does. Maybe he should say something.

When the lights came back on, I almost kept holding onto John’s hand for Kennedy to see, but I didn’t want a fight to ensue, so I let go. “Did you like it?” He asked me.

“Of course she didn’t,” John said, standing up and stretching. “She was terrified the whole time.”

“You were?” I nodded. “Well I picked a scary movie so I could comfort you.” John rolled his eyes while Kennedy and I stared intently at each other.

“I guess I’ll be going,” John said as we entered the lobby.

“Wait,” I said and turned to Kennedy. “Is it okay if he takes me home? My house is down the street from him. I don’t want you to go too much out of the way.”

He just looked at me, then at John (more like glare), then smiled and kissed me. “Yeah. I’ll call you.” He kissed me again then I left with an agitated John.

We barely spoke on the ride home. “Can we hang out at your house for a while?” I asked him before he turned in the direction of my street.

“Sure.” We walked in his house and he poked his head into the kitchen. “Mom, Danny’s here.”

“Hi Danny!” I heard her but didn’t see her.

“Hi Mrs. O’Callaghan!”

We went into his room and he flopped down on his bed and I laid next to him.

“You don’t really like Kennedy, do you?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“He doesn’t seem right for you.”

“I thought you said we looked good together.”

“Looked. Listen, I’m your best friend and I’m here to tell you how it is.”

“Well what’s wrong with him?”

He didn’t say anything. He just stared at me, then he turned on his back and looked at this girl in a bikini on his ceiling.

“Nothing’s wrong with him.”

“I don’t follow your logic.” I kept looking at him but he flipped over on his stomach and put his face in his pillow. “John?” I said softly then yelled, “John!” He started fake snoring then I crossed my arms. “Fine. If you’re asleep then I guess I have to stay here.”

“Okay,” he said into his pillow.

I woke up the next morning in John’s bed with my arm around his bare chest. I didn’t know how to react so I just left it there and nuzzled my head against shoulder. I was in his room a lot, but I never really looked around before. I saw from across the room on his dresser was a framed picture of the two of us candidly laughing and more pictures stuck in the crack of the mirror of the clan. We were always standing next to each other. And every little knick knack I’d ever gotten him was sitting on the dresser. I wish he would just tell me.

I guess during the night I put on John’s Nirvana T-shirt and plaid sleep pants. I didn’t recall.

John took the pillow off his head then looked down at my arm that was draped over him. “Are you awake?” He said softly. I nodded against him. “How did you sleep?”

“In someone else’s clothes.” He turned around to look at me to see what I was talking about.

“Okay, just make yourself at home and sleep in my clothes.”

“Don’t mind if I do.”

“Danny?”

“John.”

“Will you come to our show tonight?”

“Wouldn't miss it. Can I bum a ride?”

“You got your car back.”

“Soooo.”

He sighed. “I guess.” I smiled and hugged him tightly.

I checked my phone while John was in the shower and I had about 80 missed calls from my mom. I texted her to tell her I was at John’s… I went to my texts and I never pushed the send button. Whoops. I sent it, not like it would do anything.

After answering an angry phone call from my mother, I took a quick shower and put on my jeans from last night and another one of John’s shirts.

At around one, these sophomores Garrett and Pat that were in the band arrived then shortly after that Ryan and Alex showed up. I didn’t really know Ryan and Alex that much, they were in a few of my classes, but I didn’t know a thing about them. Garrett and Pat were like my little brothers. They drove me insane. My sister Megan was in love with Garrett.

“Did you finally ask her out?” Alex asked John, motioning to me and he froze.

“Uh no. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh it was Kennedy who liked her, huh?” He obviously winked at John and he buried his face in his hands. I couldn’t help but smile and lay back on his bed.

I wanted to kiss him so badly. I wanted to hold his hand and have it mean something. I wanted to hug him and not let go.

Pat had this black rapist van with no back seats so that’s where his drum set and everyone’s guitar cases were. I didn’t know if he had a license or not. We arrived at this little bar slash club at five and started unloading everything.

“Are you nervous?” I teased, trying to make him nervous.

“I am. I don't know if I can do this.”

“You’ll be great.” He smiled and blushed then disappeared.

How have I gone this long without realizing what was in front of me?

John came back at half past six and he had a white button up long sleeve shirt on with a brown vest, jeans and cowboy boots.

“Oh that’s cute.”

“You like that?”

“Totally.” He just looked at me then started laughing. “You got a big crowd out there. Don’t keep ‘em waiting.”

I stood side stage while they went on and introduced themselves and started playing their first song. I think it was The Town’s Been Talking. John wouldn't look at the crowd. But hey, it was their first gig. Towards the end of the song, Kennedy came out of nowhere and hugged me from behind.

“How come you haven’t called me back?”

“What?”

He pulled me outside then repeated the question.

“I’ve been busy. I was hanging out with the guys all day.”

“Oh. Well now that I’m here…” He trailed off and pressed his lips to mine.

--John--

“This next song is for Danny,” I said into the mic and there were a few screams. It’s not like there were thousands of people here.

“I picked you up and lifted your wilted frame into the sun.
I was taken back, yeah I was taken back,
and by the time I caught my breath,
you had blossomed into something that I did not expect.

And if it takes all night,
I swear I'll wait,
for you, forever.

Sunlight, sunshine,
all for you my Daisy.
We’re getting this before you leave,
all for you my Daisy.

You're a wreck and you know,
you've got me wrapped around your finger,
like a boy tangled in vines,
but I’ve figured you out.

And now we're here,
we're so confused,
and I wish that there was some way that I could tell you.

Sunlight, sunshine,
all for you my Daisy.
We’re getting this before you leave,
all for you my Daisy.”

I was so nervous to be singing this. I was telling her how I felt. I looked side stage but she wasn’t there. I looked in the crowd and she wasn’t there either. I felt sick to my stomach.

Two songs later, we were finished with the show and Danny and Kennedy appeared out of nowhere, him with his arm draped over her shoulders. I kinda felt like punching him in the face. But that wouldn’t get me anywhere with Danny. I was always going to be second to him.

“Kennedy, I’ll be right back,” Danny said and kissed him. As she walked away, he stared after her.

“Can I talk to you?” I asked him and broke him out of his trance.

“Sure, what about?”

I stood there for a minute. “No, never mind. It’s ridiculous.”

“What is it?”

“You’d call you and I friends, right?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Well being that we’re friends, I’m going to go ahead and tell you if you hurt Danny, I will personally tear you apart.”

He smiled at me. “I admire your honesty. You care a lot about her, huh?”

“More than I probably should,” I mumbled but he heard me.

“You don’t…like her…do you?”

“I don’t. I’m in love with her.”

“Why didn’t you say anything? I would have never pursued her if I knew how you felt.”

“It’s okay. She likes you.”

“She likes you too.”

“She doesn’t show it.”

“You don’t either!”

“He doesn’t either what?” Danny asked, coming back from wherever she went.

“He doesn’t like spiders either. I hate those things.”

“Oh.”

“Do you want anything to drink, Danny?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Can you go wait in my car? I’m going to get a Coke or something and I’ll be right out.” She looked at him weirdly but regardless followed his suggestions as we continued our conversation. “Look, I’m going to take her home. Let me know right now if you want me to stop being with her. If it bothers you, I’ll respect your feelings.”

“No, you go and do what you want. I’ve been waiting twelve years, what’s another ten?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. It’s what she wants.”