Dirty Little Secrets

My thoughts were back to where they should be once I heard the music start playing. First Megan walked down with Joel’s brother Mark, then Darcy walked down with Ryan. And since I didn’t have two more bridesmaids, Alex and Sean walked down by themselves. Aidan was the ring bearer and Daisy followed as the flower girl. The music changed to The Wedding March and I made my appearance. As I was walking towards Joel with my dad, I felt like I was pulling him along just so I could get to him sooner.

My dad gave me away and Joel took my hands, his eyes tearing up, which made me tear up as well. “I love you,” I whispered to him before the minister started talking.

“Do you, Joel, take Danielle to be your lawfully wedded wife, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do you part?”

He took a deep breath before he spoke. “I do.”

I smiled. “And do you, Danielle, take Joel to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or for p-”

“I do. To everything,” I said hastily and Joel beamed and let out a slight chuckle.

“Well alright. Then by the power vested in me, I pronounce your husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”

Joel pulled me towards him and hugged me around my waist tightly as he kissed me. It felt like we were standing there for hours and I didn’t remember where I was until everyone started clapping.

“I love you too,” he finally said and we walked down the aisle.

At the reception, we visited each table after our first dance and thanked everyone for coming. We reached the table we sat everyone in The Maine at and there was one empty chair.

“Wait,” Joel said as we walked up to our front door hand-in-hand with Daisy in front of us. He rushed ahead of her to open the door then came back to me and picked me up. “What kind of a groom would I be if I didn’t carry my bride over the threshold?”

“A non-cheesy one,” I laughed as he set me down inside the house. I looked over to the hallway and saw our suitcases sitting there and I groaned.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“I have to take Daisy to John’s parents’ house.”

“Do you want me to take her?”

“No, I’ll do it. Can you make sure we have everything while I’m gone?”

“Of course, Mrs. Kanitz.” A smile spread across my face and I gave him a quick but meaningful kiss. I walked down the hall towards Daisy’s room to pack her things and Joel called out, “You look beautiful in that dress.”

****

As I was driving, I caught glimpse of my ring gleaming in the moonlight. I was truly happy with everything. I rang the doorbell of John’s house and to my dismay, he was the one who answered. I let a small “Oh” escape my lips.

“Sorry I wasn’t the one you were expecting. My parents aren’t back yet.”

“You missed out on some party. Too bad you were so busy you couldn’t stay for it.”

He looked at me like he was done with my shit. “Daddy! I have two Daddies now!”

“I know, Dais. Isn’t that crazy?” He set her down and she ran off to the living room where her toys were. “Where are you and your husband headed off to?” I could easily detect the harshness in his voice.

“We’re going to the Florida Keys.”

“Wear sunscreen.”

I scowled at him. “Thanks.”

I arrived back at our house and Joel welcomed be back with his lips.

“Is everything ready? Are you ready to go, Mr. Kanitz?” I asked and picked up a suitcase and he picked up the other.

“I am ready, Mrs. Kanitz.”

The next morning, after an extremely long night, I woke Joel up with breakfast in bed.

“Aww, thanks babe,” he said and inhaled deeply. “Smells amazing.” We ate in silence and occasionally, we’d end up staring at each other and sharing a kiss. “I’m so happy we’re finally married. Feels like a dream.”

“I haven’t been this happy in a long time,” I said.

“Dan, you know I love Daisy right?”

“Of course.”

“Well... Now that we’re married, I think we should have a kid of our own. Give Daisy a sibling.”

It had never come across my mind to have another child after Daisy. It never occurred to me that Joel would want kids.

“Are you sure? Do you really want to?” I asked, seeing if he would change his mind.

“I do, I really want to. We’ve been together for almost three years...” He trailed off.

“Yeah, but we’ve only been married less than a day.”

“Marriage didn’t stop you from having Daisy,” he said harshly.

He caught me by surprise and I didn’t really know what to say.

“I get it, you don’t want to have kids with me. I totally understand.” He stabbed away at the scrambled eggs I’d made him and didn’t look at me.

It’s not that I didn’t want to have kids with him, I wasn’t thinking about it. I crawled over to him and hugged him tightly from the side and kissed his cheek. He was rigid at first, but eventually loosened up and cracked a smile.

“I want to have kids with you, Joel. Can we just wait?”

“Well yeah, I didn’t mean right this second. I just wanted to let you know where I’m at.”

“I want to be ready. Daisy was a...surprise... I wasn’t ready for her.”

“I understand. Just don’t make me wait too long,” he smiled and kissed my nose.

-December 5, 2013-

John and I were on good terms. As good of terms as we could be. Mainly because he had a girlfriend of his own now. I didn’t really get along with Sophie. She didn’t like me because I was John’s ex and I didn’t like her because she’s four years younger than him and acts it, but she was great with Daisy so I couldn’t really complain to John about her.

In other news, Joel and I started trying for kids. Unfortunately, after many tries, we found out that he’s not able to have kids so we’ve been talking about possibly adopting. Megan and Garrett, on the other hand, were two fertile beings and had their second child back in July and planned on finally tying the knot in this coming November.

I knocked on John’s apartment door and a few moments later, he opened it and Daisy and I entered his living room.

“Did you find the place okay?” He asked.

I had something sarcastic to say but decided against it and just said, “Yeah.”

“Well don’t be a stranger, have a seat! Can I get you something to drink?” I looked past his unusual kindness and enthusiasm and took a seat.

“A beer would be great.”

“Uh oh. Something wrong in the blissful world of marriage?” I sensed some sarcasm in his tone.

“Dais, why don’t you go play with your toys in your new room,” I suggested and she got up without a word and ran down the hallway.

I rubbed my eyes and when I opened them, John was holding the beer in front of me.

“No, seriously, are you okay?” He seemed worried and took a seat next to me.

“I love Joel... I just don’t want to adopt. I didn’t even really want to have another kid and I was relieved that we couldn’t-” I stopped abruptly and covered my mouth. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

He expressed a look of great concern. “No, it’s fine, you can tell me.”

“I don’t want to give her a sibling. I mean, we’ve already been married for over a year... I don’t know if I just don’t want to have more children at all...or if I don’t want to have them with him.” I paused. “And I know that makes me a terrible wife-”

“That doesn’t make you a terrible wife, not wanting to have another child. It makes you a terrible wife if you don’t tell him why.”

“But I don’t know the why. And I’m afraid I’m not going to like it once I do figure it out.”

I threw myself at him and hugged him tightly and he was startled at first, but then started to hug back. We embraced for a while and his hand comfortingly stroked my back then he brought it up behind my neck and I pulled away and looked at him. His eyes were searching mine for the answer to his silent question. Then he kissed me.