Dirty Little Secrets

I was in the farthest thing from a wedding mood. Daisy was almost impossible to deal with because although at first she’d been okay with Joel leaving, now it was setting in with her and she threw tantrums almost daily. That and the fact that Joel and I’s divorce had been finalized made me really not that interested in being here, but I had to suck it up and be there for Megan.

We were allowed one drink before the ceremony started but I snuck two and paired up with Garrett’s brother Trey to walk down the aisle. Pat, John, Kennedy and Jared were Garrett’s groomsmen and Megan had a few of her friends I didn’t care to know the names of as her bridesmaids.

John kept looking at me. Or, at least I thought he was. He was just looking at Megan and Garrett. But I was sure looking at him. It bothered me how much I wanted him. It bothered me even more how when he wasn’t looking at them, he was smiling away at Sophie.

At the reception, everyone started dancing with their dates after Garrett and Megan finished their first dance. Even Daisy was dancing with Aidan. I, on the other hand, was sitting by myself at the table pretending I was doing something on my phone.

“Are you going to act like you actually give a damn about your sister’s wedding or are you just going to sit there all night?” I heard behind me. Unfailingly, John sat next to me.

“Sorry we can’t all be holly and jolly like you.” He looked at me funny as I slurred my words together.

“How much have you had to drink?”

I shrugged. “Does it matter?” He pulled me up off my seat and brought me over to the dance floor and began slow dancing with me. “Where’s your wife?”

He shrugged. “Does it matter?” He smiled and dipped me back and spun me around as I recollected all of the reasons I was in love with him.

“But seriously though, where’s your girlfriend. I don’t want her to hate me more than she already does.”

“Honestly, don’t worry about it.” I looked at him like I always did when I wanted answers out of him. “She wasn’t feeling well so she went back to the apartment. Are you happy?”

“Ecstatic.”

“You’re not though. And that makes me upset. Because I know that all of this happened because of me. I ruined you.” By this time we had come to a halt and he held both of my hands, looking down at the floor.

“We were stupid kids. We’re stupid adults. But it most certainly was not all because of you.”

He looked up at me with his head slightly tilted and the saddest look upon his face. “If it weren’t for me, we’d still be together.”

I pulled him into a hug and rested my head on his shoulder and we ended up dancing slowly like that as I let a single tear fall onto his jacket.

****

--John--

Ross, Shane and I were in a room to ourselves putting our suits on. I was getting married today.

“Hey John,” my dad said as he and my mom came into the room. My mom looked so happy, but something didn’t look right. Kinda like this whole day... I love Sophie, but something wasn’t right. “How ya feelin’, kid?” He gave me a big hug then stepped back to look at me.

“Feelin’ pretty good. Mom, are you okay?” I asked as I saw her face shift slightly.

“I’m fine, hun. Don’t worry about me.”

“Jen...” My dad started.

“It’s just that I thought you’d be marrying someone else.”

I rolled my eyes. “We haven’t been together for seven years.”

“I know, I know... She’s just your Danny, John.”

“Jen, come on, you’re upsetting him.” My dad ushered her out of the room and turned to me and said, “Congratulations.”

“I want to get married,” I said to myself.

“Then get married,” Shane said as he buttoned up his shirt. “Do what you want. No one can make your decisions for you.”

Shane was right. I was the one living my life, and I wanted to get married. I walked to the altar and waved to a few people and waited until the music played. Ross walked down with Sophie’s sister Stacie and Shane walked down with her best friend Cassie. Followed were Daisy and Sophie’s nephew Ryan as flower girl and ring bearer.

Oh my God, I thought. Sophie had never met my brothers or even known I had brothers until this past week. And I didn’t know she had a sister until a month ago. Did we even know each other at all? Calm down. Her favorite color is orange, she loves spaghetti and her favorite movie is Clueless. Did she want kids? Did we ever talk about that? Where were we going to live? What is her deepest fear? What was her first concert? Oh my God I don’t know her at all.

Sophie appeared at the end of the aisle with her dad and I tried to put on a smile but I was paranoid everyone could tell I was uncomfortable. Sophie could. She gave me the meanest grimace she could muster and I could tell she wanted me to act like I was happy to be there. But I wasn’t. I was scared out of my mind. I was about to marry a woman I knew nothing about. A woman my own daughter didn’t want me to marry.

I just kind of stood there through the whole ceremony. I had no idea what the minister was saying.

“Do you, Sophie Amelia Dwyer, take John to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, til death do you part?”

“I do.” She squeezed my hands excitedly and I tried to match her excitement.

“And do you, John Cornelius O’Callaghan, take Sophie to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in heath, for richer or for poorer, til death do you part?”

Say ‘I do.’ There was an uncomfortable silence among the people watching as I stood there not saying anything. I looked over at Daisy and she had her arms crossed and wouldn’t look up at us. She was sitting next to Danny, who was wearing a black dress, and I smiled because it was so like her to wear black to my wedding. Oh my God, who am I kidding? I am in love with that woman. What was I doing standing up here next to Sophie? She wasn’t the one I wanted. I wanted Danny.

The smile I had on my face eased everyone’s thoughts and I looked back at Sophie and cupped her hands in mine. “I’m sorry, no.” I left her there and walked back into the building as many gasps filled the air.

I walked out to my truck and before I could reach it, Sophie pulled my arm and her face was livid.

“I’m sorry, what the hell was that?”

I opened my truck door but she slammed it.

“John!”

“I don’t know anything about you. I don’t know your life goals or if you want to have kids or what you’re scared of most. I love you, but you’re not the one for me.”

Her face scrunched up and she slapped me across the face.

“Fuck you. You’re going to regret this.”

“When I do, you’ll be the first to know.” She stood there and steamed as I opened the door. “Don’t hold your breath, though.”