For the Best

..::Shannon’s P.O.V::..

Two years. Two years since I hurt the guy that I loved, and my best friend. Two years since the voices dominated over me, targeting two of the people I would never hurt. Two years since I was admitted to the Orange County Insane Asylum. I had Auditory Hallucinations, though it always felt like there was more. I was never myself when I hurt somebody, or at least tried to. During my relapses, it was always like I was in the middle of blacking out and being complete conscious. I couldn’t sleep the night before, since the voices were talking to me, they wanted me to hurt myself. I’ve heard these voices since I started 8th grade, four years after I met my best friend, Saylee, and a year before I met the guy I would fall head over heels for, Jake. I had come to be very familiar with these voices. Vetis was the voice that wanted me to hurt myself. His voice was scratchy, and convincing. Abaddon was the voice that wanted me to hurt other people. He scared me the most, with his dark and evil voice. Botis was the voice that reminded me what I did; blaming all of the wrong and bad things I did on my own self, making me feel horrible about them. He had an alluring voice, and if he were a human that I was a friend of, I would like to listen to his voice. Shalbriri was the voice that caused my relapses, putting me in the state between consciousness and unconsciousness. The last voice was a girl, Proserpine. She sounded just like I did, she was me. The evil me.

The voices knew that Saylee came to visit me all the time; they were fully and completely aware.

“It’s been two years,” Botis started, “Do you remember what you did two years ago, Shannon?”

“Stop it,” I cried out, putting my hands over my ears, huddling up into a ball.

“I bet Saylee remembers,” he continued, “I wonder if she’ll come see you today.”

“No! I won’t let you hurt her,” I could feel tears well up in my eyes, some of the memory flooding back. I don’t remember some of that day, because I couldn’t control myself.

“I wonder how we can assure she remembers,” Abaddon said, and an image in my mind had a face, an evil and dark face, smirking at me.

“Leave me alone,” I cried.

“Maybe we should help you end her life. That’s what you really want, anyways,” Proserpine tried to convince me. She had the most convincing voice, because it was my voice.

“No! Shut up, no it’s not,” I grabbed onto the one pillow I had, “I love her, you can’t have her,” I squealed, tears coming through, “HELP!” I called out, wanting the men in the white suits to come and put me to sleep, “HELP ME,” I called out, but nobody showed up.

“Her, and Jake,” Shalbriri hissed, sending me off of the edge.

“No,” I growled.

“If you don’t, we will,” he taunted.

“No,” venom came through the words as I talked to the people I couldn’t see, “She’s mine,” my voice was low, now, and the only thing I could see were the images of Saylee’s death in my head. It wasn’t me, with the pleasure of the thought of her dead. It was Botis, Abaddon, Vetis, Shalbriri, and Proserpine. In my heart, I felt that these names meant something, and I wanted to learn them. I started flipping out, and I could hear Jimmy telling me to shut the hell up, since he was trying to sleep. I wanted to be quiet, and I wanted to be normal. I started clawing at myself as Vetis was taunting me, taking over me as I drew blood, banging myself against the walls. Finally the Stickers – as I called them – came in. I saw one with the syringe that would take the voices away from me, putting me into a deep and nice sleep. With the help of security – including Matt – I was pinned down, the Stickers injecting the liquid into me. The voices drifted away as I slowly became sedated, and then unconscious.

..::--------------::..

My eyes fluttered open, and thankfully, the voices were gone. I didn’t think about the voices, because every time I did, they would haunt me. I thought about Jimmy for a second before crawling under my bed, and calling out his name.

“Yeah?” he asked, and I was thankful to find that he wasn’t sleeping.

“How’s your cage,” I asked, trying to make a conversation.

“Lonely. Wanna come share it with me,” he teased, causing me to blush. I had certain feelings for Jimmy, but not like the ones I had for Jake. He came to visit me sometimes, and I was thankful when he did.

“You know I would,” I admitted.

“Happy birthday, by the way,” he said, and I heard a smile in his voice.

“My birthday’s in May, dumbass,” I said jokingly, “On the 29th.”

“I meant since you got in here,” he said, then I heard shuffling, “fuck ass,” Now his voice was just on the other side of the vent, and I could make out his crystal blue eyes.

“Oh,” I said, another blush creeping up on me.

“Hey, don’t catch on fire,” he was making fun of me, causing me to giggle, “We’ve got to escape this place. You and me,” he said, a smirk on his face, or at least I thought I saw one through the wrought iron vent.

“Oh yeah, and go to Mexico,” I rolled my eyes playfully at the thought.

“Ay caramba,” Jimmy put on a high pitched voice, faking a Spanish accent.

“Oh god,” I tried to stifle my laughter. I could hear Saylee outside in the hall talking to Matt, “fuck,” I muttered as I started backing out from under the bed, “talk to you later,” I mumbled, getting back onto me bed. It wasn’t long before Matt came in, walking up near me, but not too close.

“Um, Shannon, Saylee’s here,” his voice was shaky. I was good friends with Matt, and I talked to him a lot.

“Don’t talk to me,” I said harshly, but it wasn’t loud. Of course I wanted to talk to Saylee, and Matt, and Jimmy, and Jake – mostly Jake – but I was sick in the head.

“Do you want to see her, or not,” he asked, and he probably already knew the answer.

“Yes, let her in. We didn’t do enough damage last year,” Abaddon’s voice came into my head, and any ideas of requesting Saylee to come in flew out of the window.

I shook my head, “No, don’t let her in. She might get hurt again,” I whispered, my voice not so much hurt this time.

“But we were going to have fun,” Shalbriri hissed, obviously not happy that I wouldn’t allow them to have my best friend.

“Shut up,” I muttered. I lay in bed for as long as I could after that, ignoring Jimmy’s many attempts to talk to me. It had been hours until Matt came back in, Abaddon screaming words of influence to hurt him.

“We’re going to put you into a straightjacket, because Jake’s here; and he’s brought a specialist. Your doctor’s thought it best if you saw them,” he said, and I was so happy that Jake was here. I let the guys put me in a straightjacket, and after I was strapped up, my nose started to itch.

“Mother fucker,” I said, “Matthew,” I scoffed as he was tightening the arms behind my back.

“Yes, Psycho – I mean Shannon?” He teased, and I pouted.

“My nosey itches,” I told him, and his hand came around as he furiously rubbed at my nose. It didn’t do much, in fact, it didn’t do anything at all. My nose still itched, and I couldn’t scratch it. My heart ripped into two as the fluffy blonde hair of Jake came into the room, sitting next to me on the bed.

“Hey,” the corner of his mouth twitched up, then went back down.

“Hi,” I said, tears already pooling in my eyes.

“Don’t cry, Shanna Banana,” he pouted further, and started wiping at my tears with his thumb.

“Don’t touch me,” my voice was low, and this was Proserpine, pushing everything I loved away from me. He hesitated before pulling his hand away, “I’m sorry,” I cried. An elderly man came in, sitting in a chair placed across from me. I felt Jake put his arm around my waist, signaling that he was here for me.

“Hello, Ms. Bradley,” the man said, “I’m Dr. Hopfer. I’ll be talking to you today,” he flashed a warm smile.

“Hi,” I growled, the voices getting the best of me. My nose was still itching, so I brought my face into Jake’s shoulder, rubbing my nose on it, trying to get the feeling to stop.

“So, what can you tell me about these voices,” he asked, taking out a pad.

“T-there are five of them, and they all want me to do very bad things to myself, and other people,” I told him, “Like to you,” I growled.

“What type of bad things,” he asked, writing down on a notepad.

“Kill,” I hissed through my teeth.

“And what are their names,” he asked, focusing on my face.

“Vetis, Abaddon, Botus, Shalbriri, and Proserpine,” I recited the all too familiar names, and horror flashed through his eyes.

“Did you name these voices, or did they tell you their names,” he asked.

“It’s their fucking names,” I growled. I didn’t want to be so harsh.

“Come on,” Botis taunted, “You know you want to do something to Jake. Like two years ago, when you were cutting him up with that knife.”

“Shut up, that was you,” I called out, Jake and Dr. Hopfer instantly looking at me.

“Was that one of the voices,” He asked, his eyes going back to the warmth they started out with, and not the horror.

“Yes,” I admitted.

“What did they say,” he asked, scribbling things down on the pad.

“They want me to hurt Jake,” I mumbled, tears spilling through my eyes, “and I don’t want to.” I felt his arms around me, and part of me wanted to hug him back, the other wanted me to let his guts spill onto the floor. The feeling came to me, as my teeth clamped down onto his neck, ripping skin, and watching the blood pour. He was taken away, and it felt so rushed, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

I just hurt the guy I loved, and nothing could stop them – the voices.

I was put under for the second time today. I used to have to be sedated a few times each hour, and it was happening less frequently. I wanted the voices to go away, so I could get out. The next time I woke up, there was a big leather book on the floor next to me with a piece of thin notebook paper on top of it. The corners of the book had been filed down, so I couldn’t do anything with the sharp ends. I picked up the pile and started off reading the note. ‘Ms. Shannon. There is something about the names of your voices that bothers me. Look through this book, looking up the names. Dr. Hopfer.’

I threw the piece of paper to the ground, opening the book. It was entitled ‘The Complete Book of Devils and Demons’. I already had a bad feeling in my stomach as I flipped through the back, to the names. I found each of the five names in the section, my voices had the names of demons. Vetis was a demon who specialized in corrupting the holy. Abaddon was the king of demons, set out to destroy. Botis proclaims to the past and future, Shalbriri was a demon of blindness, and Proserpine was the princess of hell.

It made sense, since they were my demons, causing me to corrupt my own body, and hurt the ones around me. It was fitting for such evil identities, and wondering how my mind could come up with something like this. I closed the book, and threw it across the room. I couldn’t believe this. I started crying, and then Jimmy’s voice came through the vent.

“Shannaaaaa, come talk to me,” he pleaded. I crawled under the bed.

“Yeah,” I whimpered.

“Sleep with me tonight, he asked, and a questioning look came across my face. I could kind of see into his room, because the vent was about the size of an oversized computer monitor.

“How?” I questioned, not quite getting what he was asking.

“Lay down here with me,” he asked, and I got what he was saying. I grabbed my pillow and blanket, laying down next to the vent where we talked until we fell asleep.

©Shannon.