Right From the Start

I woke up with a throbbing head and a nauseous feeling. I sat up, hastily removing the covers off my body. That sticky and sweaty feeling clung to me as I rubbed my tired eyes and stretched my arms. And then I realized that I was certainly not in my room.

Memories from last night suddenly rushed into my brain, reminding me of what John did. I just rubbed my head, in attempt to ease the pain in my head. I still hated him. I hated how he raised my hopes to make him finally realize that maybe this time, things would take another turn. A turn to the path I wanted it to go to all this time. But still, no matter how much I tell myself how much I hated him, there’ll always be that small little voice in my head telling saying that I love him. Life just sucks right now.

I opened my purse and got my phone. 8:34 AM. And sixteen missed calls from my mother. I’d be dead the moment I step into my house.

The door suddenly creaked open and I saw Kennedy’s head peer into the room. Seeing that I was awake, he went into the room holding a glass of water and a small bottle of pills.

“Oh good, you’re awake. Aspirin?” He asked, handing me the bottle of pills.

“Yes, please.” I fished out a pill from the bottle and gave it back to Kennedy. He handed the glass in return, and I gulped the pill down. I mumbled a thank you and set the glass down at the table beside the bed.

“So, care to tell me how you ended up sleeping in my room last night?” He asked in a rather nonchalant but slightly demanding manner as he sat down on the chair nearby.

Guilt rushed through me. “God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know this was your room,” I said, getting up from the bed. I immediately fixed his bed and made sure it was as neat as it could be.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s fine. Well, if you’re worried that I didn’t sleep well last night, I would like to inform you that I did sleep well last night,” he said indifferently. Something told me he wasn’t on his good side today.

“Alright, that’s good then. I kind of need to get going now.” He nodded in reply. I grabbed my purse and John’s jacket. Kennedy’s voice interrupted before I was able to turn the doorknob.

“And by the way, John’s been waiting for you downstairs. Just so you know.” I thanked him and then left the room. John, who just ditched me last night, now decided to just make it all up by waiting for me to wake up. Wow. I made my way down the stairs, and indeed, I saw him there sitting down in the living room. The house was sort of still in a mess, but I could tell it was in a so much cleaner state than it was last night. John saw me and just smiled. Maybe he thought I forgot all about last night. Well, too bad for him that I didn’t. As much as I wanted to smile back, I had to bear in mind that I was mad at him.

“Don’t you dare smile at me like nothing happened.” He then sighed and let his hand run through his already disheveled hair.

“Look, I’m sorry. I was drunk and—“

“Yeah, some date you were. If you’re going to blame your actions on your alcohol intake, then don’t even try to apologize because I won’t accept it. And I really should better go because my mom’s probably freaking out about where I am,” I retorted, heading to the door.

“I already talked to your mom for you, since I’m responsible for everything. And please, at least let me drive you home.” His voice was pleading. As much as I wanted to decline his offer, I knew better than that, because I had no idea how I would find my way home. I just nodded with a sigh and went out of the house. John brought me to his car and I sat at the back because there was no way right now that I was going to sit beside him.

The whole way to my house, we kept quiet. I glared out at the window as John kept his eyes on the road. Sometimes, I would feel his gaze on me but like it mattered, anyway.

The moment we arrived at my house, I immediately got out of the car, remembering to leave his jacket behind. John didn’t drive off just yet though. I walked up to the front door as fast as I could and rang the doorbell. My mom got the door but I was too pissed to greet her properly so I just mumbled a hello and a sorry then immediately went up to my room. I even forgot that I was hungry and that I hadn’t eaten anything. I could tell that John was talking to Mom downstairs. But again, like I cared. I just collapsed on my bed, wanting to forget everything at the moment.

~~~

“You really don’t look so happy,” Laura said, taking a bite from her sandwich. I was busy reading this history book as we sat down in our usual spot at the caf.

“Maybe because I’m not happy,” I said, shrugging.

“Okay, seriously, we need to talk about this. Did something happen at the party or not?” Before I could respond, Jared and Garrett approached us and asked us if they could sit with us. When Laura said yes, I stood up.

“I need to go.” Before Laura or the guys could reply, I bolted out of the caf. Ever since last Monday morning, exactly a week ago, I resolved to avoiding John and his group of friends. Yeah, I know his friends didn’t have anything to do with this. I just felt that me being branded as his friend sort of required me to avoid them as well.

John would attempt to say hi or wave at me whenever we pass by each other, but I’d always avert my gaze away from him the moment I see him. I’d always make sure that I wouldn’t sit anywhere near Kennedy during History class. And I’d always leave when Garrett or Jared asks if they can sit down with us. I know Laura has been taking note of all of this but I haven’t told her anything. What saddened me was that John and I have just became best friends again (according to him) and now I’m avoiding him like there’s no tomorrow. But he deserves it, anyway.

The moment I stepped into the library, the warning bell rang. I just frowned and turned around. English was next, and I bet Laura would bug me all throughout class about this.

After getting some stuff from my locker, I headed to English class. Indeed, I found Laura waiting for me outside.

“You’re probably wondering why I ran off, aren’t you?”

“Well, yeah, I am,” she said, frowning. “You’ve been acting this way since last Monday. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Wait until lunch time for that,” I said with a sigh. We then had our class together.

~~~

“Wow, what a good date John was to you,” Laura said, rolling her eyes. Yes, I told her everything. Except the kiss though. I mean, if she knew, she would go on and on for the rest of our existence about that particular thing.

“I know.” I sighed and continued playing with the food on my plate. Yeah, I still do that.

“You know what? That’s why I just don’t think that—“

“Hey guys.”

Laura and I looked up and we were greeted with Kennedy’s hazel eyes. Why would Kennedy come up to us? I was about to stand up when Laura kicked me from under the table. I just rolled my eyes at Laura and rested my chin on my palm.

“Oh, there you are Kennedy! Sit down,” Laura said, smiling at him.

“Not to be rude or anything, but you invited him over?” I asked, my gaze on Laura.

“Well, my reasons for coming here are partially because Laura did invite me. I also came on my own accord,” Kennedy replied.

“So what’s your personal reason for coming here?”

“I just wanted to apologize to you for last Sunday morning. I was acting impertinent. Well, I wasn’t on such a good mood because I was honestly stressed out about the mess.” His apology sounded so sincere that I had to forget that I should avoid him.

“It’s fine. Besides, you weren’t acting so bad anyway,” I said, giving a chuckle.

“So, we’re friends again?” He let out his hand.

“Friends.” His calloused fingertips brushed against my palm as I moved my hand to shake his.

“I have a question,” he said.

“Ask away!” Laura replied.

“Well, Isa, you weren’t just avoiding me. You were avoiding the rest of us as well, especially John. What happened?” Laura then shot me a glance. I told her with my eyes that she shouldn’t tell anyone what happened at the party. I guess Kennedy didn’t know that that date I was referring to when I was talking to him was John. And maybe the other guys didn’t know too. I just sighed and picked up the book in front of me.

“You might know, one day.” I replied with a shrug.

Kennedy scratched the back of his neck and sighed. “Someone told me that exact same line about six or seven years ago. And I don’t think I’ll ever know that thing now.” He then stared down at the table and I couldn’t help but to feel sorry for him.

“Don’t be so pessimistic, Kennedy. You’ll never know; you still might be able to find out whatever that person was hiding from you,” Laura said, giving him an encouraging smile.

“Yeah, and then you can tell us all about it when you do,” I said, smiling as well.

“Yeah, I probably might. One day.” He looked up back at us, returning a weak grin.

~~~

“HI! I’M PAT!”

“Oh, you must be Pat,” Laura said, grinning at the boy who walked up to us as we were eating lunch in the caf the next day. He had hair reaching his shoulders and enthusiastic, brown eyes.

“Duh, Laura, he just said his name,” I said rolling my eyes. Pat was supposedly someone I should be avoiding too. Even though I don’t know him at all.

Laura ignored my statement and told Pat to take a seat. He was carrying a brown paper bag, which most likely contained his lunch.

“So, what’s for lunch, Pat?” Laura asked the boy.

“I don’t know. Let’s see!” He then literally tore the paper bag apart to find a mouth-watering cupcake shining in its full glory.

“A cupcake? For lunch? Isn’t that dessert or something…?” I inquired, my eyebrows knitted together.

“Yes! A cupcake. For lunch! You can’t just treat them as dessert. I mean, cupcakes are pieces of heaven created on earth. So why make them desserts if people aren’t even required to eat dessert after a meal? I mean sure, to some people, eating dessert is a requirement. I mean, it’s dessert. DESSERT. But sadly, some people skip eating dessert. So why not treat cupcakes as a meal on its own instead? Now everyone can eat cupcakes!” Pat rapidly said, throwing his hands up in the air. The expression on his face was so adorable that Laura and I had to laugh.

“What? You think I’m joking, aren’t you?” Pat said, frowning.

“No, not at all,” I said, stifling a giggle.

“Good. I’ll be eating now, then!” Laura and I watched as Pat voraciously devoured the cupcake, which left frosting around his mouth at every bite he took. Laura and I just giggled at the sight. We then continued our lunch too.

Pat successfully finished his cupcake with a sigh of contentment. He also wiped his mouth, aware that his face was a mess.

“So, tell us about yourself,” Laura said, to strike up a conversation.

“Well, I play the drums,” Pat said, shrugging.

“Your hair looks smooth,” I blurted out. Oh, what a nice thing to say to a guy you just met a few minutes before.

“Well, thanks I guess!” He somehow drifted off to why his hair was longer than usual. He told us that he just wanted to hide his big ears. Someone as child-like and innocent as this shouldn’t be avoided at all. Sigh.

“So you’re just in the tenth grade, right?” Laura asked.

“Yeah! You know Garrett right? He’s like my BFF,” Pat said with a wide grin.

“I never saw you around with Garrett,” I said.

“Then you don’t know Garrett at all!” He pouted.

“For your information, I do know Garrett,” I replied as a matter of fact.

“Yeah, I know, I know. Hey, so do you like cupcakes?” Laura and I just laughed at his statement as he ranted on about how people weren’t taking him seriously.

~~~

By Wednesday, lunchtime, I already figured that we would have another guest “visiting” us. Laura was acting so fidgety as we took our usual spot in the caf.

“Okay, what’s going on?” I asked, taking a bite from my lunch.

“What do you mean what’s going on?”

“Look at you. You’re acting strange,” I said with a frown.

“Well maybe because—“

“Hey Laura! Hey Isa!” We looked up and saw Jared, with a toothy grin on his face. Laura gulped and returned the smile. Of course she was acting this way because Jared was our guest today. I should have known. Still, he was someone I shouldn’t be talking to as of the moment.

“Uh…” That was apparently all I could respond.

“Hey Jared,” Laura said, blushing. Yeah, as of now, she’s starting to suck at hiding her feelings. Good thing that Jared was oblivious to this.

“So, what’s up?” He asked with a smile, taking a seat beside Laura.

“Nothing much,” Laura said, shrugging.

“Oh you know, just trying to find out why the hell are you and your friends going over to our table everyday. Nothing so spectacular,” I blurted.

“Well, for one thing, Laura invited me over.” Laura giggled at his statement and gave me a mischievous smile. Oh, so this is all a part of Laura’s scheme to make me friends with John and his friends. How lovely. “And I just have to say that I’m sort of surprised that you didn’t leave the moment I joined you guys here.”

“Don’t get me wrong. Your company is fine. It’s just that things are complicated right now,” I replied with a sigh.

“Did Garrett and I do anything wrong?” Nope, John was the one who did everything wrong.

“Absolutely not. Don’t worry about it. Like I said, things are just complicated as of the moment.”

“Well, I’m glad I cleared that up,” Jared said with a sigh of relief. Laura and I chuckled and then we all talked about some random things.

~~~

I found myself looking up to that blue-eyed boy as I was sitting with Laura during lunch on Thursday at our table.

“Uh, you don’t mind if I, uh, join you, right?” Garrett asked, fidgeting. I have to say, he’s been getting less and less shy and awkward around us. But today, he was being extra jittery for some reason I cannot decipher.

“Of course not. I invited you over, after all,” Laura said, tapping the part of the table that was beside me.

“Alright,” he said, taking the seat beside me. His tentative actions just made me curious why he was acting that way.

“Anything up, Garrett?” Laura asked, taking a bite off her muffin. Yes, for lunch. I blame Pat for the influence.

“No. Not really,” he said, shaking his head.

“You seem pretty nervous right now,” I stated.

“Nervous? Uh, why would I be nervous?” He said, giving a shaky laugh. This made me raise my eyebrow, but I decided to leave that topic for good.

“But actually, there is, uh, one thing,” Garrett said, scratching his neck.

“Which is?” Laura inquired.

“John hasn’t uh, been acting normal…” I just frowned and looked away from Garrett and Laura.

“Like how?” asked Laura.

“Been spacing out a lot. Doesn’t talk much. Doesn’t eat much. It’s like uh, he’s so distracted always.” I just sighed. I guess Garrett was really our messenger guy. That was how much of an impact my being mad at him had? I turned to face the two and I found them already staring at me.

“What?” I groaned. I did not like where this was going.

“Come on, Isa,” Laura said, putting her face in her palm and shaking her head.

“I don’t know what happened, but er, maybe you should forgive him already.” Garrett’s voice was small, as if he was afraid I’d kill him or something after hearing his statement. I guess it’s obvious that I’m mad at him. Well, duh Isa. I just sighed and tucked my hair behind my ear. As much as I hate to admit it, maybe Garrett was right. A part of me knew that I couldn’t stay mad at him forever. I mean, he’s John. The guy I loved since I was five.

“Fine, fine.” Laura gave me a weak smile and she and Garrett drifted off to another conversation.

I’m pretty sure I know who tomorrow’s guest is.

~~~

Friday, lunch time .The caf life was busy bustling as usual. Laura was eating quicker than usual that when she had finished, I wasn’t even halfway through my lunch. No one had come to join us. Yet.

“Isa, I have to go to the library and borrow a book I really need to study over the weekend. You don’t mind sitting alone, do you?”

“Uh, yeah, sure. I don’t mind,” I replied. She gave me a really big grin, which was sort of eerie and then went out of the caf.

I bet you’re expecting that really cliché moment when John walks up to my table holding some roses or something. Well too bad, he didn’t show up.

I don’t know why, even though I was already done eating, I was waiting the whole time for him. But he didn’t even come. I just sighed as the warning bell rang and I made my way to my locker to get the books and stuff I needed for the next class.

And when I opened my locker, a folded, lavender-colored piece of paper fell to the ground. I just smiled as I picked it up and opened it.

I’m sorry.
I truly am.
Stargazing tonight?
Please?

I turned around to find John, himself, anxiously waiting for an answer. His pleading eyes were tired from sleepless nights. I just closed my eyes, sighed and then nodded. Before I knew it, he pulled me into a really tight hug and I couldn’t help but to hug him back.