Playground Love

I'm running, running, and running. My lungs hurt, my legs, and my feet hurt as well, but I can't stop running. I feel the cold air hit me like a thousand sharp spikes all over my face, neck, and chest. I have no idea why I'm running, I just know I have to.
Maybe to get out of where I am? Maybe I'm running from something? Maybe I'm running away from my own life? I have no clue- I'm just running.
Then I come to a dead end. A wall of trees... trees?
I try to squeeze through one, but no use. I need to keep running, I have to.
Then I hear something come towards me...
My heart starts to speed up. I was running from this? From what's coming?
I hear it come closer.
My back is stuck against the wall of trees.
Then it runs towards me and I shut my eyes.

I fidget, my whole body twitches, and I wake up. I sit up and breathe in and out fast. My hands are a bit shaky. I'm still frightened.
I feel someone staring at me.. My heart starts to race again. Am I still dreaming?
I slowly look up, scared.
Then I see a guy covered in tattoos, standing there. He has a black shirt on, some dark jeans, and a snap back on. His ears stretched out pretty big.
"H-Hey.. ", he stutters.
I stare at him. Who is this guy? Why is he here??
"I'm sorry- but- who are you..?", he asks.
Who are YOU?
He waits for a response.
"Well- I'm Tony... Perry.."
I let out a small breath. Its him, that Tony guy. Your brothers close friend and band mate.
Right, right.. I’m relieved.
“I’m sorry if I woke you up...”, he says slowly.
Say something, he probably thinks you broke in.
I slowly shake my head. “No.. No. You didn’t. I’m sorry, I’m Paloma. Jaime’s sister.”
His eyes get a little wide, shocked. “Oh- oh! Right! Of course!”, he chuckles. “I’m stupid, I forgot that you were coming this weekend.”
I bite my lip and nod. “Yeah, well...”
He smiles at me. “It's finally nice to meet you, though. I was really confused when I saw you- thought you were Vic's new girlfriend or something.”, he laughs.
I stare at him, not knowing what to say. He rubs the back of his head.
“Okay, well, um.. do you know where-”
“They went to go move the equipment over to the new studio.”
He nods. “Right.”
He keeps on staring at me like I’m some freak. I look down and play with my fingers. He's intimidating, just staring at me like that.
I hear him chuckle. “I’m sorry. This is awkward. I’m not very good at meeting people. Is it okay if I sit next to you?”
I look back up. His facial expression is less intimidating now. I smile. “It's okay. I’m not very good at that either. And sure- go ahead.”
He sits down next to me. The touch of his lap against mine makes me fidget away. This just got more awkward.
“So- how do you like it here so far?”
I turn to him. “Um- it's nice. I guess I just need to get use to it.”
He nods. “It's pretty tough in the beginning, isn’t it?”
I nod. “Yeah.. New place.. New people..”
“Losing loved ones. Yeah, that's never easy.. I know..”
He turns to me and we stare at each other. His eyes, a dark brown. He looks sleepy. He licks his lips, it makes my heart flutter. He shrugs and breaks eye contact. “But you’ll get through it. Time heals everything. I lost my dad when I was young. That hurt... A lot. I could only imagine how it feels like losing both parents. Along with a sibling. Its been pretty hard for Jaime-”
I scoff. He gives me a look.
“What?”, he chuckles. I roll my eyes.
“Nothing.”
He gives me a look. “Nothing?”
I sigh. “Jaime doesn’t care. He doesn’t even talk to me about it. He just cares about his band- and girls... And touring...”, I murmur, “I’m forced to live here by law. I’m not 18 yet. But I will be soon- then I'll move out of here. Let him live his life again.”
“Whoa,whoa, whoa... If you have that kind of image of your bother, then with all due respect I have to say that you’re wrong.”
I turn to look at him. “Do you think you really know Jaime? Yeah, you’ve probably been his friend for years, but you don’t really, honestly know him. He shines bright with his friends, but his light goes out dim when he's with family. He doesn’t give a shit about me.”
“Paloma-”
"No- don’t say I’m wrong. Because I’m not. He had no choice but to move me in here. The only reason why he didn’t move me away to Oregon with my aunt was because he didn’t want to seem like a bad brother. It's all an act.”
“So you think that he really doesn’t care about you, Paloma?? And that him losing his parents doesn’t hurt him?? You’re not the only one who lost them- he's your brother."
“Yeah- so what? He's my brother- but that’s it! All because he's my brother doesn’t mean he's an actual brother to me. You don’t understand- you never will. But that’s okay- it's non of your business. As soon as I turn 18... I’m gone...” I clench my fists, mad.
“Look...”, he says softly and touches my lap. “You might see Jaime like that, but you need to trust me. He loves you so much. You’re all he has left now. You think he doesn’t regret not being in your life? You think he doesn’t regret just ditching you guys and never visiting? He does. He tells me this, Paloma. I know, I know. He was more than happy to let you in here. He thinks that this will finally give him a chance to prove to you that he's sorry. And that he's ready to be in your life. Just give him a chance."
I stand up. “So he waited until our parents died??”
Tony just stares at me, silent. I shake my head.
“Well- you could tell him that it's too fucking late for apologies. But thanks for trying.”
I walk away and grab my coat. I can't be in here anymore. I storm outside and slam the door shut. I run out into the parkway and up the street until I reach these woods. There’s a log on the floor and I decide to sit down on it. I kick around the dirt and grass. I shouldn’t be rude to Tony- he was just trying to help. Ugh, but why does he even care?
He doesn’t- he doesn’t! He just defends his best friend. That’s all. He doesn’t know half the shit Jaime did.
Whatever. Fuck him. Fuck them all. I'll never mean to Jaime what Tony and Vic and Mike and this band mean to him. Never. And you know what- I don’t care anymore. I’ve lost it all. I’ve lost my loving dad. I’ve lost my caring mother. And I’ve lost my sister... My six year old sister...
I start to cry. This isn’t fair- why did she have to go?! Why couldn’t it be me?! I put my head in my hands and sob into them. I already lost Jaime, a long time ago. I don’t think I ever even had him... It's okay, I don’t need him. Once I’m 18 I'll move out of here. I'll live with my aunt and cousin in Oregon. I wont be his problem anymore. Both of us will be happy. No worries.

Water starts to hit me. I look up and see some rain drops fall down from the sky. I’ve been here for a while. Maybe I should go now. When I get up, I here some people yelling. As they come closer, I can hear what they’re yelling. There yelling for me.
“Paloma?! Paloma?? Where are you??!!”
I sigh and start to walk towards the direction I came from. I get out of from deep in the woods and see Jaime and Tony looking around.
“Pa- Paloma??”, Jaime says as he sees me appear. He runs towards me and grabs me by my shoulders.
“Where the fuck were you?!”, he says shaking me. I try pushing him away.
“Stop- I just went for a walk-”
“A walk?! You were gone for hours! And you were in the damn woods?? Seriously, Paloma??”
I push him away. “Calm down!!”
“Calm down?! You had me worried sick! You can't fucking do that to me!”
I roll my eyes. Tony stands there, staring at us. “Paloma!”
I stay silent.
“Paloma! Look at me!” I look up and stare at him. “Don’t do that again, okay?”
I shake my head. “Whatever.”, I murmur. I start to walk away. Jaime grabs my arm and pulls me back.
“Whatever?! What is with you?!”, he snaps. I look at Tony then back at him.
“Why don’t you ask your friend over there.”
I yank my arm away from his grip and storm off back to the house.
Why explain it to him? He never listens to me anyways. He always listens to Tony though. So it works out perfectly fine. I get in the house. Vic and Mike's heads snap over to me.
“Paloma? Where were you?”, Mike says.
“Out for a walk.”
I keep walking and go into Jaime's room.
I hate it here!! Where am I even supposed to go?! I don’t even have a room here... And when I do, I'll just be kicking someone out for it! Fuck! I’m just a bother here.

~

Jaime and I stare at each other.
“What? What happened?”, he asks me, confused.
I shrug. “Dude- I-”
He shakes his head. “Fuck! I’m trying! I’m trying to be a good fucking brother! I’m fucking trying!! Things were going great!”
“Jaime- it's okay... Look, you’re never gonna find out whats going on in her head...”
“What did she mean when she said to ask you? Did she tell you something?”
Fuck. I do not want to be sucked into this. I sigh, “Just a few things.”
He nods. “Wow. So she opens up to you- but not me? I’m her fucking brother! You two barley met!”
“Look- Jaime-”
“What did she say?”
“Jaime, she just- she thinks that you don’t care about her and...”
“What..?”
“That you just don’t care. She said you never were a brother.. And..”
His face expression goes from mad, to sad. His eyes start to get watery.
“Hey- Jaime-" I walk to him and pat his back. "Look, she's going through shit, alright? Losing her parents- at this age? Its really fucking hard, man.”
“Dude, I just- I just don’t know what to do anymore. It seems impossible to try. I know I fucked up, I should have been in her life. I’m her big brother- I should have been there. I don’t think she'll ever forgive me.”
“You’re trying Jaime. That’s all you can do right now. She will come around. She will, trust me. You’ve made mistakes and you’re willing to admit them. She'll forgive you, okay? Just give her some time.”
He nods and runs his hands through his hair. “You’re right man. You’re right.”, he sighs. “That’s all I can do. Is wait. Keep trying.”
I nod. “That’s all, Jaime.”
“Alright, guess we should head back.”
As we're walking back, he turns and looks at me. “She really opened up to you?”
I think for a little. In a mean, shockingly rude way, she did. “Yeah, yeah, she did...”
He looks straight ahead, walking still. “That’s weird...”
“Is it?”
He nods. “Oh yeah. If there’s one thing I know about Paloma, it's that she keeps to herself a lot. She hardly ever opens up to people.”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe she just needed to let it out.”
Jaime shakes his head. “No.. No... She would have called her best friend or cousin. But to let it out to you? Someone who she just met? That’s really strange.”
We finally get to the house and we pause in front of the door. Jaime stares at me. “What do you think about my sister?”
I give him a confused. “What do I think about her?”
He nods.
I'm not in the mood for stupid questions like these, but I answer anyways. “Well... Um... I don’t know. She's your sister I guess. Just like you said, I barley met her.”
He nods and keeps staring at me. “Alright... Alright.. Well if she comes up to you again with her problems, don’t be afraid to help her through them. Maybe you could help. If I can't maybe you can.”
I sigh. Don't expect much out of me. “If you want me to, okay.”, I say just to make him feel better.
He nudges me and smiles. “Thanks.”
I force a smile. He opens the door then pauses again. “Just don’t get any ideas with her... Alright?”
I laugh. “Seriously Jaime? Get in.”
He laughs and we go inside the house. “Just saying.”
He's a fucking joker.
“Guys- where is she?”, Jaime asks Vic and Mike. Vic points down to the hallway.
“Your room. What happened?”
Jaime shakes his head. “She was in the woods. I was worried sick.”
“Maybe you should let her think for a while.”, Mike says, “She looked upset.”
Jaime scoffs.
I pat Jaime’s back. “He's right. Give her some time.”
“Could you talk to her?”, he asks.
I laugh. “Whoa- what?”
“I mean- she opens up to you. We could give it a try. She wont say a word to me.”
“Look- Jaime- I don’t think I should.. We should give her some time..”
“Come on, Tone.”
They all look at me, waiting.
I sigh. “Okay. Okay, fine.”
Jaime smiles in relief.
I walk to Jaime’s room and knock on the door. “Hey... It's Tony... Uh- could I come in?”
After some seconds the door opens. Paloma stands there, her eyes red.
What am I getting myself into? We barley met today, dammit. This isn't my business.
“Hey... Is it okay if I...”
She nods and lets me pass through. “So... Jaime kind of blew up huh...?”
She leans against the drawer against the wall and shrugs. “He overreacts a lot.”
“Well, I would to if my sister was gone for hours...”
“Why did you come here?”, she asks.
I walk up to her. No bullshit tolerance, I see.“Tell me what's wrong.”, I sigh.
“Why? Because Jaime wants to know? He sent you here didn’t he? He can't even come here and talk to me himself...”
She looks down, her eyes get watery. The way she looks... Distraught, tired, and sad. There's a part of me that wants to make her happy. I mean, I don't know her, but she deserves it. It doesn’t matter how long I’ve known her for.
I grab her hand and hold it in mine. She looks up at me, shocked.
“Paloma, I don’t know what's going through your mind right now- it's your choice to tell me or keep it in. I just want you to know that you’re not alone in this, okay? I know that you don’t have a good relationship with Jaime... And you live miles away from your best friends and cousin.. But you’re not alone. I’m here. If you need to talk to anyone I’m here. Vic is here. Mike is here.”
Tears start to roll down her cheeks. Her olive green eyes stare into me. Her soft, warm hands in my cold hands. The look in her eyes... Her soft looking lips...
“I’m here. I care.”, I whisper. “And if you want to keep this between you and I, then it will be. I promise.”
I pull her in for a hug. I wrap my arms around her small figure and squeeze her tight. I feel her arms wrap around me. Her hand on my neck.

~

As I lay down on this bed I think about what happened earlier. The look in Tony's eyes.. It was real. It was all real. But then again- why would he care? He doesn’t even know me! We just met today... I’m so confused. But strangely enough, I feel like I could trust him. This has never happened before..I turn to my side and stare out the window. Whatever is going on, I hope it doesn’t go on any further. This is probably all an act... I just need to keep my ground until I could finally leave.
Just keep my ground...

~

I can't stop thinking about her. What was all that?! What the fuck got over me?! I had told Jaime that she didn’t open up to me. She didn’t even say a word. Why did I lie? Because I made a promise to her? But why? This is for Jaime! I shouldn’t be involved in this! Man... I just can't stop thinking about her though...The innocent look in her eyes... Her soft, blushed cheeks..What is with me?! I need to stop. I just met her. This is crazy. And I told her I cared.. And that I’m here...
I care..
Do I??
No, I don't.
My mind denies all fact that I care, but somewhere deep down inside I feel like I do care. That she needs to be happy. Because she isn’t. I let out a sigh and pull the covers over me. I need to stop thinking about this. It's just making it worse. Besides, I already have way to many things on my plate.
Stephanie...
All those problems with her.
I smack my bed. Just go to sleep. Stop thinking. Go to sleep.
And as I do..
The last image that pops into my mind is... Paloma.