Playground Love

The next morning, things are pretty awkward. More than awkward actually. I mean, what do you do when you accidentally kiss your brothers 26-year old, best friend?
Kiss.
That scene has been on repeat in my head.
Play number 236:
His grip on my waist as he pulled me in closer. The warmth of his lips against mine. How he slid his tongue in. How he didn’t even bother to pull away from it.
I try not to think about it too much. I’m so confused. About everything.
My only thoughts are about dying and Tony. I need another escape from this.

“P, wanna come to the store with us?”, Jaime asks as he puts on his shoes.
“Um.. I don't know.”, I murmur.
Maybe if they leave.. I could catch up with Matt and get some weed. That'll make things better.
“Aw come on! You haven't been out of this house yet. Lets go explore SD! By going to wall-mart and buying toiletries. You down?”, Mike says.
Or maybe I should go. I'm going to regret meeting up with Matt. And I know it. I'm going to end up getting high as fuck- and possibly drunk -and do shit with him that I'm going to want to kill myself for doing.
Vic pats my back. “Of course shes down to go to Wal-Mart!”
“Okay- I'll go.”, I say.
Jaime cheers and walks up next to me. "Beautiful. I'm gonna go get Tony from his condo- see if he wants to come.”
I hope to God he doesn't.
Jaime's cell rings and he turns to me. “Shit- I need to take this. Paloma- go knock on Tony's door for me?”
“What- but-”
“Hello? Yah, hey man!!”, he says, already talking on his phone.
I sigh.
“He doesn't bite.”, Mike says.
Nope. Only kisses.
I walk towards the condo and once I get to the front door of it- I pause before knocking. Then I slowly bring my hand up and knock three times.
Seconds pass, no answer. Should I knock again..?
Then the door unlocks. A sleepy looking, shirtless, messy-haired Tony appears in front of me. I can't help but stare at his bare body. So many fucking tattoos. I bite my lower lip and look down.
“Sorry- sorry- for waking... You.”, I sigh. I look up at him and we make eye contact. A full on poker face.
“Jaime- we're gonna.. Go to Wal-Mart. You wanna-”, fuck, just spit it out!
“They were wondering if you wanted to come. Jaime sent me. We're leaving in about fifteen minutes.”, I finally say.
He stays silent for some time. Then nods slowly. “Yah- yah I'll come. Sure.”
I nod. “Cool.”
I walk away, not looking back.
That wasn't too bad..
But I really need to push the image of him with his shirt off out of my head. I really need to stop thinking about what happened last night. He was drunk- he was drunk! That's it! I was tipsy- I was tipsy! That's it! When a guy and girl are alone, drunk, and that close together- its bound to happen! There's no avoiding it!
But he could have pulled away...
I let out a sigh of frustration. My mind needs to shut up.

We're all in one car. I''m sitting in the back with Vic and Tony. I'm in the middle too. Mike is up in front.
If I knew it was going go be like this, I would have just stayed at home. This is thee most weirdest and awkwardest situation I have ever gotten myself into. I lean more against Vic, but I'm cautious about it. He's a real small dude.
“Hey, Tony?”, Jaime says.
“Yah?”
“How are things going with Stephanie?”
Out off all the shit to talk about Jaime- really??
Tony clears his throat. I turn over to Vic's side of the window, pretending not to be interested.
“Oh.. Well it's.. Really complicated.”
Jaime nods. “She seemed like she was in a good mood last night. She stayed with you, huh?”
Oh god- she did?!
Tony laughs lightly. “It was the vodka, man. And yah, she actually did.”
I feel so embarrassed. My face gets hot. She stayed with him. They most likely- they did have sex. And I kissed him last night-
Oh god. I'm about to throw myself out of this car.
“I'm getting tired of fighting for this relationship to work out. She obviously has higher priorities now.”
“Aw, Tone. Don't get bummed out. There's plenty of fish in the sea.”, Mike says.
“Guys- lets not support Tony on breaking up with her. It'll be okay Tony. If she really loves you and wants to work this out, she'll do her best to make time.”, Vic adds.
Um- can we talk about something else?
“But see- that's the thing! There's more to this. She is doing something else I fucking know it.”
“Like what?”, Jaime asks.
He sighs. “I don't even want to say it.”
“Cheating...?”, I whisper out.
Whoa- what the fuck. Paloma, shut your mouth!! Omg.
I glance at Tony, he looks at me.
“Yes.”, he whispers back.
We stare at each for some seconds. “Well, shes stupid if she is.”
Tony bites his lower lip. I look away and feel the blood rush to my cheeks. I should have stayed quiet.
“Paloma's right. Shes making a huge mistake.”, Vic says taking his seat belt off.
Jaime parks the car and we all shuffle out of it.
Jaime throws his arm over Tony. “Don't worry, Tone. If she's cheating- which I doubt she is- then let her go. I know its hard-”
“No.. No. Maybe it wont be hard. Maybe it wont be hard at all.”
Tony glances at me. My heart beats fast. I look away and walk ahead of them.

We look at the TVs and video games. Jaime comes up to me and nudges me. I ignore him and keep looking at all the ds games.
“I saw you drink last night.”, he says. I look at him with the corner of my eye for a second.
“So..?”
“How much did you have?”
“Not much, Jaime.”
He nods. “Alright. Its okay- you can drink.. I guess. Just- not too much, okay?”
I sigh. “Whatever you say, brother.”, I say and walk away.
I'm so tired of him its not even funny. He doesn't even say much to me, but the few words he does say make me want to rip my ears out. This hate is planted in me so deep- 18 years of growing hate inside. It's hard ripping out the roots. Even when I try to be nice and happy and loving, I can't. I just can't.

I walk as far away from him as possible. I end up in some arts and crafts aisle. There's coloring books, neat little stickers, glitter, glue..
There's two little kids here looking through some puppy coloring books. Both of them girls, not a year above seven I suppose. They laugh and point at all the cute puppy pictures they'd want to color. For some reason this gets me really sad. My sister had a lot of coloring books. She loved coloring. Every time I bought her color pencils or markers- she'd go crazy. But then lose them a week later. I chuckle to myself. Man, do I miss her. I wish with all my heart that she was here with me looking at all these arts and craft supplies. This is her heaven.
“Hey..”, I hear. I turn and see Tony walking up to me. Oh shit.
“Hi..”
He stands next to me and looks around. “You want a coloring book?”
I cant help but laugh. “No. I was just looking at them. My little sister-”
I stop mid-sentence. I don't want to talk to him about anything personal anymore. At all.
“Your little sister...?”
I look up at him then look away. “Nothing.”, I mumble.
I walk down the aisle. He follows. “What- you're not going to talk to me anymore?”
“I don't feel like talking.”
He grabs hold of my elbow and I turn to him. “What happened last night- I have no idea. It was so- so random and- I cant explain it. I know things are weird now but-”
“Look- hey, its okay.”, I say raising a hand up in front of me. “You don't need to explain yourself. You don't need to give me an explanation. I know you have a girlfriend, I know you love her, it's okay. I can forget about it. To make it easier for you, okay?”, my voice cracks. I feel like I'm about to cry. My head shakes. “Y-you don't need to- its okay.”
I get away from his grip and start to walk away. As I turn the aisle he comes up in front me and looks around.
“That's not what I wanted to say-”, he whispers. He looks straight at me.
I'm definitely confused now. “Tony.. What?”
“Look- come here.”, he whispers. We go into this empty hallway where customer assistance is. No one is here. “I know that things are weird now- BUT-”
“But?”
“But we can try to work this out.”
My heart practically jumps out of my chest. “Wh-what?”, I stutter out.
He licks his bottom lip and leans in. He brushes his lips against mine and softly kisses me. My mind at this point has turned into pudding. My hands are incredibly sweaty. I stay frozen. I don't even try to move. Tony kisses my cheeks next, then he slowly makes his way to my neck. I feel his hand go on my lower back his other hand on my waist. If it wasn't for us being in a public place I could have sworn he would have pulled my shirt off. He lifts his head back up to my lips and gives them one last, soft brush. My mouth opens a little and we stare at each other.
“You don't know how much I've wanted to do that.”. he says softly.
At this point, I realize that Tony wants something to happen here. For some crazy, FUCKING crazy reason, he wants something to happen. Maybe its all just lust or I have no idea why- but you know what.
Fuck it.
There's absolutely nothing for me to lose.
“Paloma- I-”, he starts to say.
I pull him by the collar of his shirt and smack my lips against his. He pushes me against the wall and we start to make out. Hardcore. I tug on his hair and his cap falls to the floor. His hands crawl up my shirt and I feel the touch of his soft fingertips on my bare skin. It takes everything I have to not rip my clothes off.
Someone clears their throat. :Can I help you two?”, she says.
Tony pulls away and I pull my shirt down. He bends down and picks his cap up and fixes it back on his head.
She has her arms crossed shes smirking at us. “Could I help you?”, she repeats.
Tony clears his throat and grabs my hand. “Um- no. Sorry. Excuse us.”
I let out a laugh and the lady shakes her head at us. He intertwines his fingers through mine and we walk off.

“That was fucking embarrassing!”, I laugh out. He laughs.
“How long do you think she was there?"
I shrug. “I have no fucking clue.”
He smiles at me and gets closer. I reach up and we start to kiss again.
“I need to be with you. Alone.”, he mumbles on my lips. I put my hand on the back of his head.
“Please.”, I say breathlessly.
Just then- his phone goes off.
He pulls away and looks at the screen. “Jaime.”
My eyes get wide and I'm back on earth.
“Hello? Yah- she's with me. We're in the-”, he looks around. “The sports aisle. We wanted to look at the... golf equipment?”, he says and looks at me. I nod and laugh. “Yah- golf. I don't know. It seems.. Cool? Look- where are you guys? Oh- alright. See yah then.”
He sighs. “They're already in line to pay. Let's go?”
I nod and walk up to him. I give him one last kiss and we walk off.

The sexual tension on the way home is practically unbearable.