Courageous

Staring blankly at the Television in front of me, I wrapped myself tightly in a blanket while I lay out on my couch. I had been sent home because of how severe my hangover had been when I had woken up, which felt like I had a thousand tiny leprechauns dancing the Irish River stomp on my cerebrum. By default, I had been scratched from today's game against the Sabers and tomorrows game against the Panthers. I felt like such a child for not having the discipline to stop drinking after I had reached my limit. I knew I had a low alcohol tolerance and I had passed it by about my fourth drink. I should've just asked for water after my second glass. The only positive was that I hadn't puked my guts out yet or even felt the urge to heave. So at least I could hold my liquor.

On the coffee table in front of me, my phone vibrated. Groaning, I really wasn't in the mood or had the mental tolerance to hold a simple conversation with someone. Not even looking at the name, I slid the bar to unlock it's screen.

"Hello, this is Hammer's weather service. Chances of a hangover are 100%."

"Um... Are you alright?" The concerned voice of the sweetest boy in the world asked me cause the corners of mouth to twitch into a smile,

"No, I got sent home..."

"You've been deported?!! What the fuck, Kayla?" James bellowed into the earpiece. Not that yelling made me feel any better or anything. It was cute that he thought I had gotten sent back to British Columbia.

"Silly, boy, I got scratched for the games this weekend cause I'm hung-over." I explained, hoping to bring him from the brink of a total melt down.

"You're hung-over?" He chuckled.

"Yep, extremely. The light, it burns!" I joked, sarcastically, "But according to the official report, I have food poisoning. Which is only a half lie but that is the beside the point-"

"So you're home?" He inquired, cheerfully as he interrupted me.

"Yeah-" I replied, slowly because I was clearly not catching what he was getting at.

"Great, can I come over?" He asked again.

Looking at the clock, it would only be about an hour before Mandy would be home. She hadn't found out that I had been sent home yet. She was probably going to lecture me about how stupid I had been.

"Um... That's not such a good idea."

"Please, Kayla, I've got a present for you." He was begging now. Boy, I hoped that one of his teammates was recording this. I really wanted to see his range of reactions throughout our conversation.

"Let's see is it a six inch, one eyed snake?" I joked, sarcastically as a snort of laughter escaped my mouth.

"Oh, baby, only if you want it to be." His voice grew gruff with desire as he continued on, "But seriously, I really want to see you and this is the prefect opportunity since we're playing the Islanders tonight."

"Fine." I sighed, running a hand over my face. I wasn't in the mood to argue with him.

"Really? You're gonna let me come over?" He sounded so hopeful. It was cute.

"Yes, let me give you the address of my building. Call me when you get here and I'll meet you down at the lobby." I informed him before listing off the street my building was located on.

"Ok, I'll be there in fifteen." He informed me and then he hung up.

Great, now I was going to have to face my demons. I really didn't want to have to explain to James that I had almost hooked up with my goalie right now. I didn't know how he'd react. Why do I always ruin something when it's going good? I'm such a fuck up. I really need to just not pursue a romantic relationship with anyone. I'm just not capable of not screwing things up. Resting my head in my hands, I hoped and prayed to anyone that would listen at the moment. Pleading that James would understand and wouldn't blow up in my face. I mean nothing happened. No harm, no foul as they say.

I'm surprised that Coach hadn't hung by my toes for my poor decisions last night. Hell, I'd probably just earned a one-way trip to the Hartford Whale. It was the only logical thing to do when someone went against team rules and regulations, but then again there was always room for second chances. Look at Sean Avery, how many chances had he gotten and he's done things way worse than I have or would even think about doing. But was that really fair when I hadn't even proven myself as a player. He had, even if he probably was the most hadn't player in the league. At least, he was good player. Wow, I can't believe that I am admitting that. Ha, I must still be intoxicated.

A vibrate beside me let me know that James was waiting on me. Slipping on a pair of flats, I headed down to meet him, but I stopped to grab my Boston College sock cap before stepping into the hallway. It seemed as though more and more people were beginning recognize me with the more successful I became. Not that I didn't love having fans, I just wanted some privacy in my own apartment. It had gotten to the point that I had removed my name from the address listening for the complex. I could no longer skirt around under the radar. People knew my face now and often would show up at my door asking for an autograph. It was necessity to be incognito in my building or my day would be ruined. Taking the stairs had also become a part of my routine, I didn't want to risk anyone recognizing me in the small confides of the elevator nor was it a healthy choice. Plus I didn't have to wait for other people to get on, I could go at my own pace, which today was fairly fast considering my motivation.

Exiting out of the stairs, my eyes were pealed in search my 'friend'. I became a bundle of nerves and emotions when I spotted him standing not too far away from me. The rush was almost too much to over come as I struggled regain my wits. By the time that happened another part of me, the more confident part of me, took over as I snuck over to his side choosing to ignore the odd looks I was receiving from some of the other buildings residence.

"So, do you come here often?" I purred into his ear in a warm breath causing him to bristle in surprise. I watched with a satisfied smirk as he began to grin, widely as he turned to face me. Just one look and all I wanted to do is kiss that sappy grin off his face.

"No, I usually don't but I heard that this amazing girl lived here and I had to come see her before my game tonight." He played along with the charade,

"Is there a chance you could help me find her apartment? It's not on the listing."

Taking a step back to create some space between, I almost laughed,

"Well, I might. Maybe if you describe her I might be able to help you out."

Biting his bottom lip as he gathered how he should describe me, I winked at him. His eyes then darted to my feet,

"Well, you see she's extremely talented at what she does. She's an extremely hard worker. Has a great sense of humor. Doesn't taken shit from anybody. Knows what she wants. And on top of all that, at 5'9" she's by far the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on."

Locking eyes with him, it was my turn to shiver and almost melt into a ball of clay for him to mold into anything he wanted, for within his hazel-blue eyes licked flames of barely contained desire. His compliments took my breath away.

I beamed at him in delight, but quickly regained my cool, bringing my hand up to stroke my chin in an inquisitive manner,

"Hmmm... She sounds like quite the catch. I wouldn't let her out of my sight if I were you."

James' grin transformed into a smirk as his eyes darken even more at my words. Taking my hand in his, he pulled me into his embrace and declared,

"I have no intention of doing that for the next 3 hours."

Returning his hug, I sighed and buried my face into his sweatshirt. His warmth and strength contented me enough that I could've just stood there all day in his arms. He was the one that was amazing, to have come here to see me without a second thought. I began to wonder if last night's story might push him away. A cough pulled us apart and I sent an apologetic smile to Al, the door manager, who was pointing at the rules.

"Yeah, yeah, I know 'NO PDA, that's what rooms are for." I repeated what I had heard him tell Mandy countless times before. Grabbing James' hand, I led him to the stairs,

"Sorry about that, he's not one for letting anyone loiter in his lobby."

James snickered and shrugged, following close enough behind me that every time I took a step in leg brushed against mine.

"It's no big deal. But isn't that what lobby's are for?" He inquired, running his thumb over the back of my hand. I shrugged because I honestly hadn't ever cared to learn why buildings had lobby,

"I'm not sure. I just assumed they were part of a building's decorative scheme."

"Really? I never thought about it that way." James seemed at agree as I found the door that would lead to my hallway. I just smiled over my shoulder back at him as we walked down the hall to my apartment.

Laughing up a storm as we waited on a bag of popcorn to finish popping in the microwave, we swapped funny stories about our friends, families, and teammates. A lot of them were embarrassing, but it was comforting to know that he had had his share of awkward moments, too. Smiling, I looked over at him as he reclined on the other end of the couch. I sat Indian style facing toward him, while he faced the TV that had been muted so that it wouldn't interrupt us. As our laughter faded for some reason, he had lost some of his earlier luster and I wasn't quite content to just sit there with him. The timer sounded signaling the pop corn had finished popping and I went to go put it in a big bowl for us to split, so that I wouldn't have to bare the silence any longer. I didn't understand why I felt this way; maybe it was because I needed to get last night off my chest.

Walking back over to the couch with the bowl tucked under my arm, moved over to my iHome and plugged my phone in to provide some comfortable background noise. Noticing this he turned back and smiled at me. I studied his now clean-shaven face with only a day's worth of stubble to show as a reminder or his handle bar mustache beard combo. It was odd to see him without his ginger facial hair, but honestly, he looked good either way.

"Wanna play a game?" I questioned as I moved back to the couch, sitting closer to him this time, but still facing him. He, too, turned to face me his hand reaching out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

"Sure, I like the hair cut by the way." He muttered, a faint blush tinting his cheeks, "It suites you. You look more confident and fierce and not so much like a beach girl from out west."

"Thanks," It was now my turn to blush as I, unconsciously shrink away from his hand, "I have admit, I miss the beard."

"Really? You know, most girls don't like facial hair. It even disgusts some of them." He pointed out, his hand digging in the bowl of popcorn, which I had placed between us. Smirking, I shrugged and decided to remind him of his error, "Well, I'm not most girls."

James nodded as he agreed with me, "True... You're definitely not most girls." He winked before he asked, "So what's this game of yours?"

"Oh just 20 questions. Would you like to start, Sparky?" I offered, deciding to be a hoot hostess and be courteous to my guest. He nodded,

"Is it ok if I'm a little blunt?" I nodded but stopped him before he could ask the next question,

"Nope, it's my turn now."

"Oh, I see how it is." He winked at me. I just laughed and nodded before I asked my question,

"What are we?"

He shrugged, he apparently hadn't thought about this as much as I have, but I waited before I jumped to any conclusions. I was surprised by his answer, "I know what I'd like for us to be... But we can be or do whatever you want us to be."

Smiling, I was about to ask him what he wanted us to be but he cut me off,

"Not very good at following your own rules, I see. But I'm curious- what I want to know is... Have you ever had sex with one of your teammates?"

"Yeah, a few times... A couple in Vancouver and in Boston, one more recently...." Flushed with shame and embarrassment, I took a deep breath, I prepared to break the news to him, "It was a drunken mistake, in which I mistook him for someone else. Someone I'm looking at right now." James eyes bored into mine as he watched me, intently as he waited for me to share the rest of my story. Gulping, I continued on with my confession but for some reason I wasn’t really sorry about it,

"Last night after heading back from the restaurant, Hank helped my sorry ass back to my hotel room. I was barely capable of standing on my own I was so far gone... And some how when he was helping me change clothes, I got him confused with you and I kissed him. He kissed back and clothes were discard, but it wasn't until I came that I realized that it was him and not you... I'm so sorry, James. I-"

A tear leftover from last night trickled down my cheek, but it was whipped, tenderly away by a rough, thick thumb that belonged to the man I admired or at least thought I did. No negative actions, yet....

"You don't have to be sorry, Kayla. Stuff like that happens. It doesn't change how I feel about you." He assured me, pulling me in front a hug and rocking me back an forth, "However, I'm honored that you kept thinking that Henrik Lundqvist was me."

"How do you feel about me?" I inquired, rather stupidly, but right now I was a little disoriented and frightened of what he might say. I knew that right now I was extremely confused about how I felt and thought that maybe if he told me how he felt then I could get a better handle on my emotions.

Having never been in a real relationship with a guy before also played another huge role in my question. Most of the guys I was interested in only saw me as one of the guys. It was heartbreaking enough that letting someone in was so difficult for because I was afraid that they didn't feel the same way about me. James didn’t answer me as a country song began to play through the speakers. It's soothing melody was easy to recognize as James pulled me up from the couch and asked,

"Dance with me?" I nodded and allowed him to pull me close as we swayed to the music, lost in each other. Soon the husky voice of Garrett Hedlund sang the opening, but the only voice I heard was James' as he sang along,

'I'm gonna wear you down,
I'm gonna make you see,
I'm gonna get to you,
You're gonna give into me,

I'm gonna start a fire,
You're gonna feel the heat,
I'm gonna burn for you,
You're gonna melt for me,'

I joined in as Leighton Meester did with Garret. James pulled me in a little closer as I did,

'Come on, come on,
Into my arms,
Come on, come on,
Give into me’

Singing, the next part I looked him dead in the eyes with a soft smile,

'You're gonna take my hand,
Whisper the sweetest words,
And if you're ever sad,
I'll make you laugh,
I'll chase the hurt.'

James joined in again as he leaned a little closer to me,

'My heart is set on you,
I don't want no one else,
And if you don't want me,
I guess I'll be all by myself,

Our nose now touching, our lips barely inches apart now,

'Come on, Come on,
Into my arms,
Come on, come on,
Give into me,'

I looped my arm around James' neck as I sang the next part, barely resisting the urge to kiss him right then as he teased me as he sang against my lips,

'I'll use my eyes to draw you in,
Until I'm under your skin,
I'll use my lips; I'll use my arms,
Come on, Come on, Come on,
Give into me.'

Our lips finally connected no longer caring about the rest of the song, even though that song had held us to say what we needed to say to each other all a long and yet, I was still doubtful. For some reason, I couldn’t help but think about Hank and wish that I were kissing him instead of James. I knew it was wrong but there was just something about the netminder that fulfilled my needs as woman more than James was able to. I felt like such a slut because here I was thinking about one guy all while kissing another.

As our tongues danced, our hands began to roam across the different curves and plains of each other’s bodies. Deepening the kiss, his large hands moved to cup my ass, pulling me flush against him, and pushing my legs apart with his knee. I sighed and ground my hips against his feeling his arousal rub against my own place. Pulling away, I looked into his eyes as I caught my breath, calm and clear had replaced the dark storm that had raged there before.

"What?" James asked, bring a hand up to cup my cheek and his smiling falling from his lips.

"I don't know what to say." I told him, honestly, taking a deep breath before his lips took mine once again in a quick peck, and afterwards he said,

"You don't have to say anything at all."

Another kiss followed the first, then another, and another after that. James backed me up until we both fell back onto the couch. Well, I landed on the couch; James fell on top of me. Cursing, silently at his added weight, one glance at him and we were choking laughter.

"I guess neither of us are very smooth." I pointed as he moved off of me, so I could breathe again. Sitting up myself, I grabbed my blanket and curled into his side. His arm wound, securely around my shoulders as I did this and his head rested on top of mine. Ok, so maybe I should give in a little.

After sitting in comfortable silence, James decided to pick back up with our little game, "What would you want to be if you weren't playing?"

I shrugged, "Only thing I ever wanted to do was play hockey... But I guess, I'd want to be a stunt double for actress in movie."

The surprised look that he gave me was classic and all I could only do was shrug because I didn't really have an explanation for my choice. It just seemed like a fun way to make a ton of cash. Smiling at him, I asked him the same question. Scratching the back of his head, he revealed to me,

"I'd want to be a country singer."

I was surprised but not shocked by his answer. He was a fairly good singer for his serenading me just a few minutes ago. Whether it was Grammy worthy voice or not, it was good enough to spin me tighter than a ballerina.

"I'd be more than happy to listen to you sing all day." I informed him, pressing my lips into the corner of his mouth.

"Me too." Echoed the voice of my best friend. Pulling away from James, I looked back at her. Her expression was dark as she folded her arms over her chest. SHE WAS PISSED!

"What are you doing home?" She hissed, as she set her purse on the kitchen counter, "Why is HE here?" Flinching at the harshness of her word, I wasn't sure what to say. I mean, the truth was an obvious first choice but how to explain James.

"Now, it's not like you haven't brought guys home before. Particularly, the ginger that seems to show up every Friday." I joked with her, "By the way, this is James 'The Real Deal' Neal."

James waved on cue with his patented goofy smile. Mandy rolled her eyes at us before pulling out an article and handed it to me,"What's this?"

'New York Rangers Ice Queen Parties Too Hardy'

The Bleacher Report article began, directly under the title was a picture of me clinging onto Prust's arm, laughing up a storm. Of course, the picture was by no means flattering because no body looks good when they are laughing and Brandon just look annoyed.

"The Rangers official statement claims you have 'food poisoning', but this shows you clearly drunk. What were you thinking?!" She pried as she rolled up the article and then began to hit me with as she scolded me,

"What happened to your Boston College School of Visual Arts educated Brain? Did you discard it at the door or can you not think straight with those fucking cameras hanging around?! What would your mother say?"

I winced and then gasped as I stole a glance at the red welt on my arm, "Abuse!!!! James, help me! She is abusing me!"

"It's not abuse if it's a backhand, honey. It's disciplinary." Mandy scoffed as she walloped me once on top of my head for good measure. Snarling, I ripped the paper bat out of her hands and hit her twice as pay back making sure that it hurt.

"Now, listen to me! I was not wasted! I drank smartly with friends who took me home. I got scratched because I was too hung-over to go to morning skate. Plus, Brandon probably would've tried to kill me because I possibly busted his ear drum singing, 'Guy on a Buffalo.'" Pointing at the article, I continued on,

"This... This is no big deal. I don't care what they think. It doesn't matter cause I will be there for the fucking road trip next week and the fucking Winter Classic. YOU worry about yourself. Now, please calm down so I can enjoy some time with Sparky!"

Mandy gapped at me for a moment or two in pure surprise, but I wasn't going to yield to her today. I was the one who had brought her out here and she was acting like she own the place. Technically, she owned her room and part of the bathroom, but I paired for everything else. So I don't deserve or need her shit right now.

"Ok, fine, I'll be in my room." She muttered, hanging her head in defeat as she walked past me towards her room. Pinching the bridge of my noise I sighed and walked back over to James, who remained silent as he witnessed mine and Mandy's fight. Leaning my head on his shoulder, he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I'm sorry you had to see that."

"No big deal, I'm sure she's just worried for you." James rationalized with me. Stepping out of his arms, I sat back down on the couch and turned on the TV.

"And on to the latest news: Rangers head coach, John Tortorella, just announced that defensemen Michael Sauer and Mickayla Hammer. Sauer was scratched because of an 'upper body' injury, while it appears that Hammer contracted food poisoning at the hotel last night after eating out with some of the team. Other reports claim-"

I changed the channel when the 'other reports' were brought up, "Can't they just accept that I'm not going to play instead of speculating about why I'm not?" I asked aloud, glancing back at James.

He merely, shook his head as he searched for an answer,

"Well, you are a rather controversial player in this league. Seeing as you are a woman and you tend to be an aggressive player, I'd speculate what was going on, too."

I rolling my eyes, I put my feet on the coffee tabled and whined in a girly voice, "Psh, I bet most of the league thinks I'm on my period and can't play because I have 'cramps'."

James chuckled at my tone before staring at me seriously, "Are you?"

"Like I'd tell you?" I raised an eyebrow at him. He shrugged and scratched at the back of his head,

"Well, I was just wondering..."

As he trailed off, trying to figure out what to say next, I let the conversation die and changed the subject,

"Do you have plans for New Years?"

"Yeah, I'm probably goin' out with the guys. Why?" He informed me. I just shrugged nonchalantly,

"Well, if you were free after that, cause I know you are, I think you should come to watch the Winter Classic in Philly."

I dared not look at him, I knew my invitation was kind of short notice and a little fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, but I hoped he would at least consider it...

"Yeah, I'll come watch you play since you guys are our next game after the break." He agreed. Turning to face, I could barely contain my excited as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kiss him firmly on the lips,

"You will?"

"Yeah, that is what I just said." He confirmed, puckering his lips for another kiss. I just rolled my eyes at him but against my better judgment I kiss him again, which turned into another, then another, and another until I pulled away breathless. Leaning my forehead against his I couldn't help but about how much I had screwed up in regards to both James and Hank.